What a rollercoaster

[jgarrard28]

First of all, before I get into the latest details, I want you all to know that my relationship with my ex-girlfriend was built on an extremely good foundation. To make a long story short, she came in to my life at a perfect time. I came into her life at the perfect time. I needed faith (god) back in my life, and she inspired that to happen. She needed support that not even her closest family would give her, and I gave her that. We met at the gym while I worked there as a personal trainer, and she was a potential client. We had an immediate attraction, and for the next few weeks we were amazingly infatuated with each other. Well, that lasted two weeks because she had to leave to Spain for 3 and a half months for study abroad. That was OK, because neither of us were quite ready for a serious relationship at that time, yet we couldn't get enough of each other. During those long months we kept in contact nearly everyday. We had feelings for each other, but being long distance and all, we were building more of a friendship first. Eventually she got back, slowly transitioned from friends to dating, and finally became exclusive.

 

Our serious relationship started out good, probably TOO good. We were spending waaay too much time together. Eventually us being so crazy about each other started to effect our individual lives. Her grades started sliding and I stopped working. Disagreements turned into arguing and then turned into fighting. It got to a point that we really didn't know what we were fighting about anymore. Then the breakup came. That was two months ago.

 

The first month was no different. It was the same relationship without the label. We were still hanging out pretty much everyday. We still very much loved each other. The problem was that we never really sat down and tried to fix our problems. We would just keep blaming and pointing fingers, and then apologizing.

 

Then came the "rebound" man.

 

It was obvious this was the first guy who started showing a huge amount of interest in her. Not a very good looking guy, overweight, but from what I hear very intelligent. She started calling me literally everyday. She would find some stupid excuse to call, and immediately follow up with comparisons between him and me. "He does this sooo much better than you", "Why don't you ever take me to this place?", etc. This started to get really annoying, and me being the smart male I am fired back at her. Things started getting really bad after that. She would tell me she missed me and loved me one day, and the next day she would tell me she was pretty much over me. Well, about 4 weeks ago we decided to go on one final date to see where we were at. (By the way, she had just won the city pageant, so she was acting even more weird) That date was a mess. She was texting this guy during the entire date, yet she was holding me and showing a good amount of affection towards me simultaneously. We left that night and she started asking me all these questions about girls I was dating. Then she pulls out her cell phone and starts reading text messages I'd sent her throughout the year that we'd known each other. Then we went to her apartment and she told me she just wanted to hold me. About a half hour later she started telling me how she had pretty much made her decision and that she was going to start a relationship with this guy. I was sooo confused and pissed off by then.

 

One week later after no calling, she called me and wanted to go workout with me. While we were there she started doing her stupid jealousy games and I just blew up. This made her really upset and she started telling me how she "Loves" this guy and she's pretty serious about him. This was one week after she told me she still very much loved me.

 

She's 19, and I know 19 year old girls have a hard time figuring out what they want in life. I really do love this girl, not just as a girlfriend, but she is also my best friend and family. My feelings for her are deep. At the same time, I'm prepared for any outcome. Sorry this is so long, I just wanted you all to know the story behind the relationship. So here's my question:

 

Her "rebound" left about three weeks ago to Hawaii. For the past week and a half she's had absolutely no contact with him, and won't be for another 3 weeks or so. She hasn't had contact with me for almost 3 weeks now. I'm liking this because now she really has no one to talk to but herself. She's got a lot of time to figure things out and think things through. Do you think I should stop my NC and intervene before he comes back, or after? By the way, one of the biggest reasons why we broke up in the first place was because she didn't like the fact that she was the one calling me all the time, that she took initiative (she's an extremely needy person). All your advice is helpful, especially from 19-21 year old women

[CrazyPanda]

Ok, well im a guy but I'm just going to break things down by your post.

 

Going out and pretty much being in an unoffical relationship after an initial break up is wrong. You guys broke up, not just ending a label. It seems she wanted to just have a guy by her side no matter what, she just wants some kind of comfort.

 

When the rebound guy came in, She sounds very immature as shes unaware of what shes doing by calling her ex-boyfriend and saying her new guy is "so much better than you" In no shape or form is this good for any person to do to another.

 

The one and final date, althougth it should of been done long ago should of given you a clue that she was just holding on to you for enertainment. For her to text message another boy while on a "final date" with you is absolutely rude. And being able to cuddle and hold you while saying she is going to try to be with another man is another brain f*ck. Seriously, that can mess a person up.

 

For your question though. I only recommend to call her, hopefully one last time, to meet up and clear everything up. Figure out what is really going on with her since you guys just seem to aruge and then say sorry. Try to avoid arguing and calmly talk to her with what's going on. Closure I would say is the word.

 

IMHO, don't go back with her, or even try to. A girl who does all of this too you is not ready for a serious relationship.