loveinlife Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Does the hurt go away within time and with lots of thoughts of my past relationship or does it require another person to lift things for me. I know i am cautious of my feelings and i am not looking for a rebound nor being dependent on another person to make me happy. But do we forget our ex and hurt once we meet someone new?
Geishawhelk Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 It goes away when you put it into perspective. The perspective is that Relationships come and go, but you're still here. The perspective is that Never-ending love is not never-ending. The perspective is that Love is an emotion that has the weird quality of being constructive and Destructive - at the same time: It builds you up and makes you feel whole, when in fact it is quietly eroding your individuality at the cost of wishing to be part of a couple. The perspective is that you've been in love before, and you will be again. the perspective is that we actually enjoy the pain because in a way it validates our choices, and makes us feel human The perspective is that we have the odd habit of believing that it is only through the input of another human being that we can find fulfilment. Boards are full - I mean full - of people displaying anxieties about not having a partner, wanting to find a partner, wanting to ditch a partner and wanting to bitch a partner. All at the same time. Doesn't this strike you as odd....? The perspective is that the hurt will go away when you let it. The only one in charge of what goes on in your head is you. Ergo, if you want to keep it, keep it. if you want it to stop, then stop it. Simple? Yes. Easy? No. of course not. But trust me - it's the only way.
discoverychannel Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 if you mean new friends? yes. Going out and meeting new friends are vital and healthy! if you mean new relationship? no. If anything it will make you constantly compare your new one to your old one, making you think of your ex even more than you should! THe only way to lift yourself out is to focus and love yourself. No one on earth can love you perfectly as you want them to. They may lift something for you but inevitably let you down in other areas... causing the same amount of burden. Try not to think about relationships right now. It is important to learn to lift yourself up when times are tough and grow stronger as a person! A new relationship cannot do that for you.
Author loveinlife Posted August 15, 2007 Author Posted August 15, 2007 It goes away when you put it into perspective. The perspective is that Relationships come and go, but you're still here. The perspective is that Never-ending love is not never-ending. The perspective is that Love is an emotion that has the weird quality of being constructive and Destructive - at the same time: It builds you up and makes you feel whole, when in fact it is quietly eroding your individuality at the cost of wishing to be part of a couple. The perspective is that you've been in love before, and you will be again. the perspective is that we actually enjoy the pain because in a way it validates our choices, and makes us feel human The perspective is that we have the odd habit of believing that it is only through the input of another human being that we can find fulfilment. Boards are full - I mean full - of people displaying anxieties about not having a partner, wanting to find a partner, wanting to ditch a partner and wanting to bitch a partner. All at the same time. Doesn't this strike you as odd....? The perspective is that the hurt will go away when you let it. The only one in charge of what goes on in your head is you. Ergo, if you want to keep it, keep it. if you want it to stop, then stop it. Simple? Yes. Easy? No. of course not. But trust me - it's the only way. Thank you very much. it is an inspiring response. It just sometimes make me think could i have done something differently that might have brought us together again. now its the end of the road and there isn't much to do but to move on and decide on how i want to feel like the post you said. if you mean new friends? yes. Going out and meeting new friends are vital and healthy! if you mean new relationship? no. If anything it will make you constantly compare your new one to your old one, making you think of your ex even more than you should! THe only way to lift yourself out is to focus and love yourself. No one on earth can love you perfectly as you want them to. They may lift something for you but inevitably let you down in other areas... causing the same amount of burden. Try not to think about relationships right now. It is important to learn to lift yourself up when times are tough and grow stronger as a person! A new relationship cannot do that for you. I agree with you. Thanks for sharing your concept of living post broken hearted. =)
Geishawhelk Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 I hope you understand that I wasn't being deliberately cold-hearted, un-caring or callous.... It's just that I get so "mad" when I see countless people being angry, disappointed, upset, heartbroken, depressed, sad, distressed and disoriented by a set of intangible emotions we create in the first place! we attach such importance, such value, such priority to this fickle thing we call Love (but can't describe - no matter how many poets have tried....The reason they keep trying is because it still hasn't been successfully accomplished!) that we risk losing sight of the main objective. in fact, I would say those living in the torment of a lost/unrequited/unfulfilling Love, have lost sight of it. And what is "it"? It's to love ourselves - unconditionally, warts 'n' all - first and foremost. I'm not talking about the Egotistical, "me First", "Big-I-Am" kind of Love. I'm talking about the all-envelopping satisfaction of self-acceptance, and the Joy and Pride we should take in just being who we are. If we permit the influence of another person to un-balance this self-Love, it means we think we deserve it. Come again? If we are upset or devastated, lost, hurt or even slightly emotionally dented, then it's because we agree with the other person's decision.... Really? Yes. Ouch. I know. Put it this way.... What we're doing is validiating their opinion that we have failed in coming up to their expectations. And THAT'S what's bugging us. The fact that it didn't work out. And that somehow, we didn't last the distance or come up to scratch. Woe is us. Well hear this. You - we - are Good enough. because we're just fine and dandy. We're a human being, and crapola happens. So hey....brush yourself off, smile at yourself in the mirror, and the rest can go hang.
discoverychannel Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 i agree with you geisha... that makes so much sense. Today I had a fight with a friend... we had a misunderstanding and she started insulting me. I was just as upset even after She apologized and tried to take her words back. i know she didn't really mean it... she was just being defensive. I guess i'm not realy angry at her... i'm upset because I let her insults sneak into my insecurities and for a second I believed what she said about me. So I took offence. I guess the point is... She said she didn't mean wt she said and I should just shrug it off. Don't let others decide who you are. Others can never know you more than yourself and will always fall short in understanding you sometimes. You never deserve an insult. sorry this is so off topic haha. So much human psychology here
Geishawhelk Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 Yes, it's the "human Psychology" that differentiates us from the wildebeest....! There is a phrase or chinese saying that goes:- "Not even the swiftest horsemen in the Emperor's greatest army can retrieve the angry word once spoken." Once it's out the yap, it's hard to take back. It's like hammering a nail into a wall...you can take the nail out, but the hole is still there.... Our problems are that we permit these fickle emotions to take control of us. I don't want to get heavy here, because it's neither the right place nor the right moment, but that's what Buddhism has taught me personally...That "I" am in charge, not external influences, previous internal conditioning, or intangible emotions. It's me. The buck stops here, with everything I think, say and do. Enough said. if anyone wants to ask more, there's more about this in the Buddhism threads I created, but I don't want to fall into the often unwelcome "trap" of ramming it down throats. That's not my bag!
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