cr8sea Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Have you ever felt that you're not cut out for this whole dating thing? Ive been feeling like this for the past few days. Although im dating this great guy, my insecurity is beyond normal. I have a need to be constantly reassured that he likes me and any little thing, detail, for miniscule that it might be, sends me into this crazy anxiety thing. He contacts me every day, whether is by aim (mostly by aim) or text, and when we're together i know he really likes me, so I know its not him. I dont call him or contact him, i always let him do it because i feel that if i do, im chasing him and might appear needy. We've dated for two months now, and im trying so hard to hold back in my neediness...but i have a feeling im gonna screw it up somehow.... Anyone knows how to get over this crazy insecurity? please please any ideas, tips advice, anything...will help....thank you!!
underpants Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 I hear you. It sounds like you are holding onto past hurts and the anxiety is the fear of history repeating itself. Your relationship is still very new. Of course there is the possibility that the other shoe could drop. However, if you are waiting and anticipating that shoe to drop it most certainly will. I think it is great that you have someone in your life that you connect with. Enjoy it. If it ends, well, shoot. However, don't be blind and ignore things that you perceive as an issue just to be with someone. I guess be yourself, don't be afraid to communicate with him out of fear of how he would react. If he isn't someone who can and wants to be there for you then wouldn't you want to know sooner then later? Have fun, keep your eyes open, communicate.
Author cr8sea Posted August 15, 2007 Author Posted August 15, 2007 yeah its true...mostly bc the past two guys ive dated seemed to be sooo into me but both dropped me out of nowhere, specially the last one. One week he was talking about how we were gonna beat the odds of young people being together for a long time (we're both in our 20s), and how after a while we should move in together...the next week he tells me he isnt ready for a relationship. It hit me like a cold shower. definitely not expecting it, specially how he treated me etc. SO now, i guess im so weary, no matter what my new guy says, or does, i cant believe him, and relax. I know its not fair to him.....but how in the world do i stop my crazy mind!!!
Yellowboy Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 It sounds like you are holding onto past hurts and the anxiety is the fear of history repeating itself. Your relationship is still very new. I guess be yourself, don't be afraid to communicate with him out of fear of how he would react. If he isn't someone who can and wants to be there for you then wouldn't you want to know sooner then later? Have fun, keep your eyes open, communicate. This is exactly where I am, and exactly what I need to do with my current girl. But yeah, the anxiety, the fear, it just lingers...need to brush it off somehow :/
underpants Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Don't fall too hard too fast. Don't rely so much on his words, look at his actions also. You two are learning about each other and forming a connection. Enjoy it for what pleasure it brings you. You two don't know each other all that well within 2 months. Some people evaluate and bail, others' evaluate and commit. Don't force it.
Kamille Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 yeah its true...mostly bc the past two guys ive dated seemed to be sooo into me but both dropped me out of nowhere, specially the last one. One week he was talking about how we were gonna beat the odds of young people being together for a long time (we're both in our 20s), and how after a while we should move in together...the next week he tells me he isnt ready for a relationship. It hit me like a cold shower. definitely not expecting it, specially how he treated me etc. SO now, i guess im so weary, no matter what my new guy says, or does, i cant believe him, and relax. I know its not fair to him.....but how in the world do i stop my crazy mind!!! YEAH! I can relate. In the last year I've been rapidly and mysteriously dropped by the last two guys I was into. Since then I've dated a few more men but I just can't seem to let myself go. I'm actually thinking of dropping out of the dating scene. And of course, since considering this option, two guys have asked me out.... and I don't think I'm really into either... anyways. I guess now I'm the one doing the rapid-drop, but I make it a point not to lead them on the way I was. Underpants' advice is awesome. If I were you I would focus on the fact that it is kind of a gamble, but in a good way: you have nothing to loose by being yourself and enjoying his company and the compliments he gives you. If it ends, you know by now that you are strong and will get over it.
Author cr8sea Posted August 15, 2007 Author Posted August 15, 2007 Don't fall too hard too fast. Don't rely so much on his words, look at his actions also. You two are learning about each other and forming a connection. Yeah actually, its his actions more than his words that convince me its me who has a problem. I always expect him to do things that would prove me right about being weary of him, and he always ALWAYS proves me wrong. Just today, i decided to not go online to see if he would text me or call me instead of relying on aim to contact me. I was convinced he wasnt going to, and in fact made a deal with myself. If he doesnt contact me by the end of today, i get a treat...if he does i have to stop expecting the worst, if at least for a week. Well, this was my thoughts in the shower, i knew if he texted me it would be in the evening after work....surprised surprised when i get off the shower and see he had sent me a text already.....as i said, he proves me wrong EVERY time... Anyway, you guys are right, Im gonna just try to enjoy as much as i can, and i have to stop expecting the worst....after all i do have to hold my end of my own deal
KingCrimson Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 Yeah actually, its his actions more than his words that convince me its me who has a problem. I always expect him to do things that would prove me right about being weary of him, and he always ALWAYS proves me wrong. Just today, i decided to not go online to see if he would text me or call me instead of relying on aim to contact me. I was convinced he wasnt going to, and in fact made a deal with myself. If he doesnt contact me by the end of today, i get a treat...if he does i have to stop expecting the worst, if at least for a week. Well, this was my thoughts in the shower, i knew if he texted me it would be in the evening after work....surprised surprised when i get off the shower and see he had sent me a text already.....as i said, he proves me wrong EVERY time... Anyway, you guys are right, Im gonna just try to enjoy as much as i can, and i have to stop expecting the worst....after all i do have to hold my end of my own deal Good call. I hate AIM. Since you're both online, and can clearly see each other, if you're not idle/away I always feel like I'm either obligated, to msg someone, or that they should be messaging me. Or sometimes I just don't feel like talking, and I'll get an IM. AIM feels like you guys are at a party or public place, but not acknowledging each other or talking. Just stay off it, or leave an Away message on all the time.
livebuzzwords Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 don't worry about the guys that bow out - that stuff happens all the time you are great and will find someone right for u
maynard Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 Don't fall too hard too fast. Don't rely so much on his words, look at his actions also. You two are learning about each other and forming a connection. Enjoy it for what pleasure it brings you. You two don't know each other all that well within 2 months. Some people evaluate and bail, others' evaluate and commit. Don't force it.good post. i would also say that the quickest way to ruin something is the be afraid of ruining it. you tend to act in strange ways that really turn people off i would also say that waiting for him to call EVERYTIME is not a good thing. what happens on the day he doesnt call? then you freak out about it.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 Yeah actually, its his actions more than his words that convince me its me who has a problem. I always expect him to do things that would prove me right about being weary of him, and he always ALWAYS proves me wrong. Just today, i decided to not go online to see if he would text me or call me instead of relying on aim to contact me. I was convinced he wasnt going to, and in fact made a deal with myself. If he doesnt contact me by the end of today, i get a treat...if he does i have to stop expecting the worst, if at least for a week. Well, this was my thoughts in the shower, i knew if he texted me it would be in the evening after work....surprised surprised when i get off the shower and see he had sent me a text already.....as i said, he proves me wrong EVERY time... Anyway, you guys are right, Im gonna just try to enjoy as much as i can, and i have to stop expecting the worst....after all i do have to hold my end of my own deal Your BF seems pretty smart. Maybe he is sensing what you need, and providing it to you. Keep this one around!
Author cr8sea Posted August 17, 2007 Author Posted August 17, 2007 Your BF seems pretty smart. Maybe he is sensing what you need, and providing it to you. Keep this one around! Oh Believe me, that he is smart is not even a question! that boy has brains for ions.. And yeah, its kinda uncanny how responds to what i expect him to do. ...i swear that boy has a radio that reads my mind and he acts in the exact opposite way of what im thinking he's gonna do. Im actually feeling much better holding my deal. Every time i start being negative i remind myself that i am not allowed to do that for a whoooole week . Last nite was amazing because of it. I just enjoyed being with him and wasnt looking out for anything to overanalyze....and if i did, i just reminded myself of what happened earlier and everything felt much better.... I guess i just have to learn that he isnt the other two guys...(thank god!) and take things slowly but enjoy them too. You guys gave me great advice, thank you so much!
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