SanDiegoGuy Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]First off – hi. I am brand new here. Was doing Google searches and came across the site and enjoyed reading a lot of the give and take, so…I joined today.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]So let’s get straight into it (and I imagine if I searched the forums, I’d already read what I imagine ya’ll are going to say, but, you know……we’re all different, blah, blah, blah.)[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I guess I’m looking for a glimmer of home or, more likely, a dose of common sense….Here we go, and I’ll keep it brief (as possible).[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Yes, involved with a married woman. Yes, she professes to be in love with me, want to marry me someday, et al. Yes, she still lives with her husband of 21 years. Yes, they are in counseling. Yes, she told all involved she’s having no contact with me (red flag, I know), though we still talk and, every now and again…you know……[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]She said she’s doing due diligence so that it’s not about me but rather about her and asked me for three months. She does count that down and my naive brain parts want to believe that it is true. Just looking for opinion and similar experiences from ya’ll.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]My common sense tells me “what the hell are you doing????” But, you know…matters of the heart…………[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Okay….I’m sitting….go for it.[/sIZE][/FONT]
Author SanDiegoGuy Posted August 15, 2007 Author Posted August 15, 2007 and I'm obviously not very smart on how to post. I am sorry everyone.......
directx Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Looks like you cut and pasted from somewhere instead of type it fresh. Next time you cut and paste, past it in NOTEPAD first, then copy from NOTEPAD in there.
GreenEyedLady Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 No problem... What are you wanting out of the R? Are you happy with what you have?
RealityCheck Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]First off – hi. I am brand new here. Was doing Google searches and came across the site and enjoyed reading a lot of the give and take, so…I joined today.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]So let’s get straight into it (and I imagine if I searched the forums, I’d already read what I imagine ya’ll are going to say, but, you know……we’re all different, blah, blah, blah.)[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I guess I’m looking for a glimmer of home or, more likely, a dose of common sense….Here we go, and I’ll keep it brief (as possible).[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Yes, involved with a married woman. Yes, she professes to be in love with me, want to marry me someday, et al. Yes, she still lives with her husband of 21 years. Yes, they are in counseling. Yes, she told all involved she’s having no contact with me (red flag, I know), though we still talk and, every now and again…you know……[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]She said she’s doing due diligence so that it’s not about me but rather about her and asked me for three months. She does count that down and my naive brain parts want to believe that it is true. Just looking for opinion and similar experiences from ya’ll.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]My common sense tells me “what the hell are you doing????” But, you know…matters of the heart…………[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Okay….I’m sitting….go for it.[/sIZE][/FONT] My xMM left his wife. Not for me, simply because the marriage was not repairable. After a few months he got his own place we started to see each other again and you know, he just didn't do it for me. We never did end up together. Each scenerio is different. It all depends. All you can do is wait it out and hope for the best.
Author SanDiegoGuy Posted August 15, 2007 Author Posted August 15, 2007 Hi ya. Thank you for your reply. I was happy with it at first, but....having known this person 4 years (and knowing she was married....not cool....GUILT), then over the last year....you know...feelings grow. And yes, her husband found out (duh!) and they are in counseling and she is in conseling, etc. I feel bad, as you might imagine. BUt I also have feelings. But I also know that's not cool, and she professes deep feelings and then I feel bad for EVERYone..and blah, blah, blah. I imagine I am mirroring 100 other tales? Which is why I seek the counsel of here of those that have / are there.
RealityCheck Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Hi ya. Thank you for your reply. I was happy with it at first, but....having known this person 4 years (and knowing she was married....not cool....GUILT), then over the last year....you know...feelings grow. And yes, her husband found out (duh!) and they are in counseling and she is in conseling, etc. I feel bad, as you might imagine. BUt I also have feelings. But I also know that's not cool, and she professes deep feelings and then I feel bad for EVERYone..and blah, blah, blah. I imagine I am mirroring 100 other tales? Which is why I seek the counsel of here of those that have / are there. Well if you feel like your mirroring 100 other tales, believe me you have at least a million to go......lol You felt guilt? Or she felt guilt? I never felt guilty in my A and actually he didn't either.
movinon05 Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Without getting into too much, I'm just going to state the first obvious red flag. Three months is November. Holidays. 99.9% of the time, its not going to happen around the holidays. So don't even bother getting your hopes up. Been there, done that. Bought the damn t-shirt!
Author SanDiegoGuy Posted August 15, 2007 Author Posted August 15, 2007 Well if you feel like your mirroring 100 other tales, believe me you have at least a million to go......lol You felt guilt? Or she felt guilt? I never felt guilty in my A and actually he didn't either. Thanks for the note....she professes no remorse, that it's a good thing, etc. BUT.....look where she sleeps and look where I sleep. Then again, this only blew up about 6 weeks ago. My guilt? Yeah...off and on. I mean, as bad as it sounds I don't regret it, but God, I'd hate to be on the other side of it
Hurt & Alone Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Ok, first thing that jumps out is that she is in marriage counseling? Meaning she is trying to work on marriage and possible reconsiliating marriage. Allow this to happen with out interferance, if she loves you and the two of you were meant to be, it will be, but don't hold out waiting for her. It will lead to more pain for you if after three months she decides to save marriage and then you will feel horrible for waiting around for the answer.
Author SanDiegoGuy Posted August 15, 2007 Author Posted August 15, 2007 Without getting into too much, I'm just going to state the first obvious red flag. Three months is November. Holidays. 99.9% of the time, its not going to happen around the holidays. So don't even bother getting your hopes up. Been there, done that. Bought the damn t-shirt! wow. hadn't even considered that. Um....good call. ouch.
RealityCheck Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Thanks for the note....she professes no remorse, that it's a good thing, etc. BUT.....look where she sleeps and look where I sleep. Then again, this only blew up about 6 weeks ago. My guilt? Yeah...off and on. I mean, as bad as it sounds I don't regret it, but God, I'd hate to be on the other side of it I have been on both sides. The BS and the OW. Neither is appealing. It all sucks!
Author SanDiegoGuy Posted August 15, 2007 Author Posted August 15, 2007 Ok, first thing that jumps out is that she is in marriage counseling? Meaning she is trying to work on marriage and possible reconsiliating marriage. Allow this to happen with out interferance, if she loves you and the two of you were meant to be, it will be, but don't hold out waiting for her. It will lead to more pain for you if after three months she decides to save marriage and then you will feel horrible for waiting around for the answer. My friends tell me the same. Even though I want to continue, let it be. Don't get in the middle (more than I am) and let time play out. I agree with you on this. Just not easy. Ya know? Gotta feel like someone's fighting for my side. Jesus, just writing that made me think how absurd it sounds. Thank you.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Have you put some thought into what happens if she leaves her husband for you? Do you feel that she wouldnt do that to you also?
Author SanDiegoGuy Posted August 15, 2007 Author Posted August 15, 2007 Have you put some thought into what happens if she leaves her husband for you? Do you feel that she wouldnt do that to you also? After reading some of the threads and the replies to others, I am beginning to get the picture. I suppose I need to find the strength (THAT'S the hard part!!!) to 'be careful what I ask for...' Maybe that's my real question. How do you walk away?
Hurt & Alone Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 My friends tell me the same. Even though I want to continue, let it be. Don't get in the middle (more than I am) and let time play out. I agree with you on this. Just not easy. Ya know? Gotta feel like someone's fighting for my side. Jesus, just writing that made me think how absurd it sounds. Thank you. I know the feeling all to well, but when my xmm's W found out no one threw me a life vest but myself and two+ months later I am still drowning alone. I still feel like I am holding on but I dont know why because he will never leave her nor did he ever intend too. It is alot easier said then done because I can write this but not following my own words.
Author SanDiegoGuy Posted August 15, 2007 Author Posted August 15, 2007 I know the feeling all to well, but when my xmm's W found out no one threw me a life vest but myself and two+ months later I am still drowning alone. I still feel like I am holding on but I dont know why because he will never leave her nor did he ever intend too. It is alot easier said then done because I can write this but not following my own words. I think you and I share similar feelings on this one. You know....you want to believe, but......and you just don't know why you hang on...and you want to say....'DAMN IT' but I'll bet your cell phone is never turned off...right?
Cobra_X30 Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 After reading some of the threads and the replies to others, I am beginning to get the picture. I suppose I need to find the strength (THAT'S the hard part!!!) to 'be careful what I ask for...' Maybe that's my real question. How do you walk away? Now that friend is my specialty! If you choose to take that course of action... please feel free to notify me.
Author SanDiegoGuy Posted August 15, 2007 Author Posted August 15, 2007 Now that friend is my specialty! If you choose to take that course of action... please feel free to notify me. how do i private message on this forum? don't see it on the CP
GreenEyedLady Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 After reading some of the threads and the replies to others, I am beginning to get the picture. I suppose I need to find the strength (THAT'S the hard part!!!) to 'be careful what I ask for...' Maybe that's my real question. How do you walk away? From your posts, it doesn't seem like you want to walk away...and to walk away you have to truly be determined in your course and I don't feel it from your posts...
Hurt & Alone Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 I think you and I share similar feelings on this one. You know....you want to believe, but......and you just don't know why you hang on...and you want to say....'DAMN IT' but I'll bet your cell phone is never turned off...right? No, my cell phone is never turned off but I know it will never be him on the other end anyway. maybe his wife though (many times).
Author SanDiegoGuy Posted August 15, 2007 Author Posted August 15, 2007 From your posts, it doesn't seem like you want to walk away...and to walk away you have to truly be determined in your course and I don't feel it from your posts... Huuuum...yes, you are probably right, and I am not real proud of myself for that either. Interesting you say that though, because I tried to write neutral. Guess I haven't grown those huevos yet........Still interesting you noticed. Beginning to think I'm not the first person down this path. And, there is some comfort in that. If that makes sense.
Author SanDiegoGuy Posted August 15, 2007 Author Posted August 15, 2007 Looks like you cut and pasted from somewhere instead of type it fresh. Next time you cut and paste, past it in NOTEPAD first, then copy from NOTEPAD in there. I wrote it in MS Word first.....so I'd eliminate typos (didn't work...LOL) thank you for the tip.
GreenEyedLady Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Huuuum...yes, you are probably right, and I am not real proud of myself for that either. Interesting you say that though, because I tried to write neutral. Guess I haven't grown those huevos yet........Still interesting you noticed. Beginning to think I'm not the first person down this path. And, there is some comfort in that. If that makes sense. I find it interesting that you are seeing yourself through what you "think" others see...Much of what you have written is about guilt due to others values, which may or may not be your own... How about seeing yourself as you really truly are...not what you think others want you to be...
Author SanDiegoGuy Posted August 15, 2007 Author Posted August 15, 2007 I find it interesting that you are seeing yourself through what you "think" others see...Much of what you have written is about guilt due to others values, which may or may not be your own... How about seeing yourself as you really truly are...not what you think others want you to be... Not sure if you just called me a home wrecker (I've entertained the feelings over and again, believe me) or.....? Can you elaborate?
Recommended Posts