oddie Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 First I would like to say that this site rocks and it has been very inspirational through a rough patch in my life. Just being able to read some of the posts and subsequent replies has given me the courage to seek some advise, so here goes. In short my girlfriend and I of 4 months just broke up a week ago today. The relationship up until that point was really intense and seemed to be going great for both of us. Just clicking all the way around, getting along really great (it seemed) we even had several talks and aspirations about the future. Yes we had little bumps in the relationship (growing pains if you will) that no matter what opinion I had, I always felt that relationship was more important than proving a point. With that said I usually chose to see her point of view just to settle things (again never any major issues). After a while of doing this I guess I felt that it wasn't fair to me and I brought the fact that I felt this way up for discussion. The first time I did instead of seeing my point she seemed to just justify and defend herself which made me let it go, but u guessed it did not solve anything. About a week later still feeling that it didn't get resolved and seeing this one sided attitude again from her, I brought it to her attention again with the intention to bury this and move on as we seemed to be able to do so easily on every other subject but this one....keep in mind that we had several deep discussions about other areas of concern, within and outside of the relationship, and always seemed to be able to come to an equitable soloution.....so feeling good about our communication skills I pressed on. We talked butting heads on this until we were both became exasperated but all through out we remained civil and in the end the result was the same, she could not see my side of the issue, just felt she needed to defend herself. I guess I was looking for (yes I see what you mean and I'm sorry that you feel that way but that wasn't my intention) instead of (why shoul I do something I don't want to, and why would you want me to) I know it sounds pretty petty even as I read it, but was an issue just the same. Moving on.....a few days later I get the dreaded Dear John email saying this is not what she wants and we are not right fo each other bla bla bla....I try to contact her that day by calling, she doesn't accept my calls, when I try to contact her by email and or text message to find out why the drastic change of heart she becomes very nasty and vindictive, giving me nothing but I don't want you anymore/we are not right for each other, with a list of things that in her mind were "red flags" from the beginning......reading this list shocked of what a bad person I was to her in her mind I again ask her to talk about it as that seemed to be the strenght of our relationship, and was rudely denied in an almost Sibyl kind of way totally shutting me out!......totally out of character...or so I thought. So I left it at that and as much as it hurt I started NC. Here is where I need the advise: The following day I received two apologies from her (one email & one text message) three hours apart which basically just said sorry that I was so mean and it was uncalled for, but good luck and i have a lot to offer someone else.....again I remained on NC.....the following day I received another nasty/rude text bashing me again, possibly because of NC.......Yesterday I received a lenthy email telling me how sorry she is about the email break up and shutting me out and the nasty email/SMS and that she realizes how rude and childish she acted, how good I was to her, and how good I made her feel, and how she misses me, and what a big lesson that was learned by her and if she were me she would never talk to be again so she doesn't expect a reply....and bla, bla bla.......so I guess my questions are.....is this at all remotely normal??...shold I continue NC and move on??.....does it sound like she is reaching out to me in desperation or is she really sorry?......should I reply to anything?....or should I run? Any comments will be appreciated.
SierraMarie Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 I think you should RUN and not reply. You already got the most you're going to get from her which is an apology and a good luck with your life. You should never talk to her again. She acted like a bitch and you should just leave it at that. It will make you feel much better after she tried to contact you that many times and you didn't respond. That will teach her to act like a bitch again. She's the one with the problems. Just move on with your life. You'll find someone much better than her. There's no real reason to reply anyway. She's probably sorry she acted like a B and now you're not talking to her, and she might be desperate for your attention, but she's probably not truly sorry. And no, I don't think it's normal. Just move on. Hey, at least you only wasted 4 months of your life...
Author oddie Posted August 15, 2007 Author Posted August 15, 2007 Thanks for your thoughts I still have a hard time dealing with the fact that we seemed to be right for each other in every way but that one...I guess as petty as it sounds it really is a big deal huh? What are your thoughts on why she would ask for forgiveness from someone she would not even give the courtesy to talk in person during the breakup? (email)
SierraMarie Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Sometimes things just aren't meant to work out no matter how much they seem that they should. I'm kind of confused about the whole problem in general. Maybe you could explain it to me more? It seems like you had communication problems which is a sign of an unhealthy relationship in itself. The fact that she broke up with you through an E-MAIL shows that she doesn't really care about you or your feelings. I really think the reason she apologized and all that is because you stopped contacting her and she didn't like that. Why else would she send you three messages? I think you should just cut your losses and move on..she really did act badly with you and I think you'd be better off without her.
discoverychannel Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 You sound like a soft-hearted easy going guy, and she sounds like an immature, unreasonable and emotional girl. I think you should just move on because if she saw so many "red flags" even tho everything seems fine to you, then the relationship foundation doesn't seem so solid and may fall apart eventually. You don't want to get back with a girl that may one day do the same emotional cycle breaking up thing again when your feelings for her have developed more.... and end up broken-hearted. If you can't voice your opinion and be yourself in a relationship, and be respected for that, then you wont be truly happy. You may think that you guys seem so right for eachother... but try to factor out the feelings and chemistry. DO you really think this is a girl you want to be with long term?? THe feelings of infatuation can be so strong that two incompatible person feel perfect for eachother. Try to look at her and your relationship with her more objectively. I think she wants your friendship but is unwilling to change or put effort in a relationship. She sounds like a taker and not a giver
Author oddie Posted August 15, 2007 Author Posted August 15, 2007 Well I emailed her saying that I think we should talk to get some closure, and after we exchanged a couple more emails I realized that she is fine with the way things worked out, (just wanting forgivness for the way she acted) and see no point in talking at all. Which makes me realize that she will never see the other persons side of an issue/concern so I really don't think that is someone I want to rely on
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