lost4ever Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 I am wondering how often you see your MM, when you get together how long does he stay, and what do you do together (besides have the hottest sex ever) I never know what to do with him. I don't see him until I get out of work, and he has meetings during the day, so after having sex, we only get 2-3 hours to have fun
Author lost4ever Posted August 15, 2007 Author Posted August 15, 2007 I really don't know how he feels about me, really I don't know how I feel about him, I know I love him, but I don't know if it would work, I don't see how either of us could trust eachother, and our lives are so very different. he does weird things, like the "tell me you love me" which really urks me, christ if you love me just say it, don't act like I'm a child and say tell me you love me, and before he does anything in his life, he ask me, (ie) he wanted to buy a boat, he has me go across country with him to look at boats. I picked it out, he tells me he needs a name, so I name it, he wanted to build a brick paver patio, I picked out the color and design, I even got the quotes for him....shouldn't his wife be doing these things since it's her boat and her patio. His son (from college fling) moved in with him this summer, he was having a lot of problems with him, so he tells me about them, I say I would do this...He says thats a good idea, calls his wife (while having dinner with me in another state!) and says, I think we should do this (what I told him to do).
GreenEyedLady Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Ok, it seems like you should decide what it is you want out of this R...and starting with how you feel about him and whether you can trust him or not...If you're not sure how you feel, I'm wondering why you're traveling this road in the first place...and I don't see much coming out of a R that has no trust in it... And in reference to your previous post, I sense you are wanting to measure your R to others...this leads me to believe that you are not happy that you have nothing else to do with him than have sex... In my R we do what every other couple does...we go out to dinner, see movies, work-out, meet friends etc...I think if you're unhappy with the way things are going, speak up...just because it's an A doesn't mean you have no say... Also you should worry about the two of you and your R, don't worry about him and his W...that's his deal, not yours...
RealityCheck Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 I am wondering how often you see your MM, when you get together how long does he stay, and what do you do together (besides have the hottest sex ever) I never know what to do with him. I don't see him until I get out of work, and he has meetings during the day, so after having sex, we only get 2-3 hours to have fun Oh Boy! If your in it for just the sex, there are plenty of single guys out there that know how its done! Seriously!
Cobra_X30 Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Oh Boy! If your in it for just the sex, there are plenty of single guys out there that know how its done! Seriously! What are you now my pimp???
RealityCheck Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 What are you now my pimp??? LMAOOOOOOOOOOO... Is this a proposal...shucks!
Cobra_X30 Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 LMAOOOOOOOOOOO... Is this a proposal...shucks! Proposal? Does it need to be that formal?
RealityCheck Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Proposal? Does it need to be that formal? Well no....sit down hun, and let's discuss your assets....I have to ensure you are qualified for any position.......lol
Cobra_X30 Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Well no....sit down hun, and let's discuss your assets....I have to ensure you are qualified for any position.......lol Sit, stand, lie down. It doesnt matter I'm more than qualified. If you want to talk assets I hope your a CPA... and you better have some paper ready!
RealityCheck Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Sit, stand, lie down. It doesnt matter I'm more than qualified. If you want to talk assets I hope your a CPA... and you better have some paper ready! I am very good working with a whole scale of numbers and I have a box of paper ready for the process.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 RC, So, your good with a whole scale of numbers? Are you referencing a personal preference?
Cobra_X30 Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Lost, Sorry for the threadjack! I have a few theories about why you do what you do...
Author lost4ever Posted August 15, 2007 Author Posted August 15, 2007 Not a problem, laughter is the best medicine, and really the post was just about venting....I am having a problem with the whole Long Distance Relationship thing, just really don't know how to best spend our time together.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Not a problem, laughter is the best medicine, and really the post was just about venting....I am having a problem with the whole Long Distance Relationship thing, just really don't know how to best spend our time together. Ha! I think your problem has nothing to do with physical distance, perhaps the two of you simply have a difference of opinion in how time together is best spent. Are you bieng treated as well as you deserve?
Author lost4ever Posted August 15, 2007 Author Posted August 15, 2007 Being treated the way I deserve, Well???? That depends on what you think I deserve. I had a H that treated me better than I could ever hoped for, I stomped on his heart. So for now, I don't deserve anything, I don't deserve anyones "love", untill I figure out what is going on with me. I DO NEED some comfort, I do need to have fun once in a while and MM/OM fits the bill for now, don't have to try to impress him, don't have to pay him much attention, but because I'm a sucker sometimes, (sometimes) I find myself wishing he would go back to respecting me, and acting the way he use to before I showed him I am a whore with no respect for Marriage and he gets to have his way with me....I guess what I am trying to say is logically this R works for me right now, but maybe my heart isn't up to it.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Being treated the way I deserve, Well???? That depends on what you think I deserve. I had a H that treated me better than I could ever hoped for, I stomped on his heart. So for now, I don't deserve anything, I don't deserve anyones "love", untill I figure out what is going on with me. I DO NEED some comfort, I do need to have fun once in a while and MM/OM fits the bill for now, don't have to try to impress him, don't have to pay him much attention, but because I'm a sucker sometimes, (sometimes) I find myself wishing he would go back to respecting me, and acting the way he use to before I showed him I am a whore with no respect for Marriage and he gets to have his way with me....I guess what I am trying to say is logically this R works for me right now, but maybe my heart isn't up to it. Truth is that it really doesnt matter what anyone but YOU thinks that you deserve. He puts an emotional distance between you and him... which seems to be causing you some anguish. There are multiple reasons I would do this... I can only guess what his reasons are. Personally, I think you deserve better. I am just curious why you seem willing to put up with it. I completely understand that you need comfort, companionship, and a good time. Why sit up in a relationship where you barely get 1 out of 3? I have a good friend that was in a similar situation... it makes me think you may have the same thought processes going on.
Author lost4ever Posted August 15, 2007 Author Posted August 15, 2007 I guess I put up with it for a couple of reasons, 1.) It's easy, 2.) at this point in my life, No man would deal with my emotions, since he seems to stick around (kind of) well, (and it's 1/2 his fault I'm such a nut anyway, so he deserves to have to put up with me) 3.) From his point of view he isn't acting distant, any different, he says I am just an emotional basket case right now, and being inscure. (which, I can see being true, and I can see him lying) I guess in all honesty I need to get a way from both my stbx and my OM for a bit and figure out what I need, but I also am not a strong enough person right now to cut the two only two people in my life out that loved me. I am sick of everyday going through every emotion towards these two men. One minute I am thinking, I hate my MM, I'm being used, the next minute I think, you know I am being crazy, he travels from 3 states away to see me for 3-4 days at a time 2-3x's a month, if this is just for sex, I'm not crazy he is. I hate him, I love him...it just depends on the minute hand. Same with H, One minute I should try really hard to be the W he deserves/needs, next I want him to go away and find someone that makes him happy (someone he deserves) You know what I really want, is for the limbo to stop, If my MM don't like me then he needs to tell me that and let us both get on with our life, My H needs to hate me and move on, I do not want to be in charge of these decisions anymore, I want the men in my life to tell me if I am staying or going.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 I guess I put up with it for a couple of reasons, 1.) It's easy, 2.) at this point in my life, No man would deal with my emotions, since he seems to stick around (kind of) well, (and it's 1/2 his fault I'm such a nut anyway, so he deserves to have to put up with me) 3.) From his point of view he isn't acting distant, any different, he says I am just an emotional basket case right now, and being inscure. (which, I can see being true, and I can see him lying) I guess in all honesty I need to get a way from both my stbx and my OM for a bit and figure out what I need, but I also am not a strong enough person right now to cut the two only two people in my life out that loved me. I am sick of everyday going through every emotion towards these two men. One minute I am thinking, I hate my MM, I'm being used, the next minute I think, you know I am being crazy, he travels from 3 states away to see me for 3-4 days at a time 2-3x's a month, if this is just for sex, I'm not crazy he is. I hate him, I love him...it just depends on the minute hand. Same with H, One minute I should try really hard to be the W he deserves/needs, next I want him to go away and find someone that makes him happy (someone he deserves) You know what I really want, is for the limbo to stop, If my MM don't like me then he needs to tell me that and let us both get on with our life, My H needs to hate me and move on, I do not want to be in charge of these decisions anymore, I want the men in my life to tell me if I am staying or going. 1) Easy will get you stuck in a rut. Its the things that are hard that are worthwhile. However, I understand you may not have much time on your hands to look for someone else... and you need something. 2) There are plenty of men who would love to deal with your emotions. Ive never met a woman that didnt have emotions I had to deal with... LOL its kind of the package. If you are viewing yourself as damaged goods, look around, everyone has baggage, and yours isnt that bad from what I can tell. 3) Maybe from his point of view he is creating a role for you. I've done the exact same in the past. Example, for most girls if you tell them they are fat and dumb enough... they begin to believe. Think about this when he says things about you! I would say that you do have the strength to cut them both out... and eventually you will. Or your going to continue to suffer. I think your correct in hating the MM, he isnt going to leave his wife... I dont even see you asking for that, which tells me deep down you dont want him. You know the physical aspect of any relationship is better when you have that emotional connection, which you definitly dont have here. Good news is that you control your own destiny . Your H is just afraid to move on... and Your MM is happy with the current arrangement (booty calls). I said you deserve better! Now, I hope you dont plan on arguing with me? You cant start working on the issues that put you into this situation until you get out of it... So grab the bull by the horns so to speak. BTW... this is my second longest post ever!
Author lost4ever Posted August 15, 2007 Author Posted August 15, 2007 Thanks! if you keep being so nice to me I'm so going to unload my emotional baggage on you and become a stalker.. Your Grab life by the horns comment just reminded me that I have work Stupid automotive industry! and truthfully no I don't want my MM, matter of fact he just flew in and I am suppose to met him at the airport when I get off, I think I should stand him up and never talk to him again (will not happen, but think I should) Especially when I haven't heard from him until just now when he sends a text saying---- I am here, Is you meeting over? my tongue and your **** have business to attend to, Now how can you say he is just using me for sex????
norajane Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 When was the last time you were standing on your own two feet without a man in your life? I guess in all honesty I need to get a way from both my stbx and my OM for a bit and figure out what I need,I think this is an excellent idea, and probably is the only thing that will get you back on track with understanding yourself and what is truly important to you. You may feel you need these men, but honestly, they are the ones who are making you feel so out of control, aren't they? MM certainly sounds like he is draining you to meet HIS needs - what is he giving you besides sex and anxiety about your relationship? And you haven't even quite gotten divorced yet...it takes a while to fully get over the ending of your marriage and the reasons that caused it to end, stomping on his heart and the aftermath. That's why you don't feel quite ready for a full time relationship, and think that this part-time one with MM will do. But none of it is making you happy. Turn to your friends and family for support until you figure out who you are, and what kind of life you want to have.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Thanks! if you keep being so nice to me I'm so going to unload my emotional baggage on you and become a stalker.. Your Grab life by the horns comment just reminded me that I have work Stupid automotive industry! and truthfully no I don't want my MM, matter of fact he just flew in and I am suppose to met him at the airport when I get off, I think I should stand him up and never talk to him again (will not happen, but think I should) Especially when I haven't heard from him until just now when he sends a text saying---- I am here, Is you meeting over? my tongue and your **** have business to attend to, Now how can you say he is just using me for sex???? Automotive? Well I suppose I wouldnt mind another stalker... as long as you can hook me up with some rims! The kind that spin, and are really shiney!
frannie Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 ... I don't deserve anything, I don't deserve anyones "love... I am a whore with no respect for Marriage and he gets to have his way with me... That's quite a lot of disgust with yourself. Coupled with your MM flying in for sex and telling you you're "just an emotional basket case right now, and... inscure" it's no wonder you're unhappy. Yes, it's natural to ask other OW what kinds of relationships they have, whether they're happy, what they do when they're together, and how much time do they get with their MM. But as GEL said... when you're asking those questions and have so many doubts, it doesn't look good. All you seem to be seeing are problems. I think you're right that you need a break from this while you get yourself sorted out. It doesn't sound to me like he is a viable bet for a future secure relationship... so why waste your time on him..?
frannie Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 Oh, and I completely forgot why I opened the thread... I'm in a LTR (and LDR) with MM. Three years and he lives a couple of hours away. But he does get down here most weeks, when we spend 2-4 days together. And we just do normal 'couply' things that anyone would do. Both with friends and alone. Quite a lot like GEL's relationship actually.
boredwithit Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 I know you have been criticised but I like your approach. I think that OW who hang around when mm says he isn't moving his gound, are truly worthless in the mm's eyes. Don't want to be mean, but they are just there to be taken advantage of IMO--and I am entitled to it.
RealityCheck Posted August 17, 2007 Posted August 17, 2007 I know you have been criticised but I like your approach. I think that OW who hang around when mm says he isn't moving his gound, are truly worthless in the mm's eyes. Don't want to be mean, but they are just there to be taken advantage of IMO--and I am entitled to it. You don't want to be mean! What on earth do you call your post? And I suppose you are carrying every man's emotions at heart. You are every man on the planet? Wow! I wish I could do that!
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