DanielMadr Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 Hi boys and girls, I have this puzzle to solve. Sometimes even interested girls behave not quite in accord with their interest. I think it is called "Too good to be true" phenomea. ...You meet a guy, you like him a lot but you continually refuse to give it a try. Eventhough you really like him you turn down date offers. He is persistant because he sees you sparkling with interest. But you just cant, you postpone dates and finaly lose him. It is not very often. Most of the time it is disinterest or game playing but I have reasons to believe this Too good to be true thing really exists. Eventhought simple "NEXT" after few attempts solves this, one has to ask himself if there is not another way. Is there any way how to go around this? How to conquer the wall?
StayClose Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 Which side if the wall are you on? Do you know a woman who is too good to be true? Or does someone keep you at arms length because she thinks you're too good to be true?
jcster Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 I've rejected guys before as too good to be true. Sometimes it's just due to the fact that I don't want to feel insecure - because they're "better" people than I am. Sometimes it's just because that much perfection is annoying. Mostly I reject them because I know they're hiding something and I just don't want to stick around to see what it is. I like guys with visible, easy to understand flaws that I can take into account before dating them.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 I've rejected guys before as too good to be true. Sometimes it's just due to the fact that I don't want to feel insecure - because they're "better" people than I am. Sometimes it's just because that much perfection is annoying. I have always wondered why you consistently turn me down! It hurts to know that you find me annoying...
Author DanielMadr Posted August 14, 2007 Author Posted August 14, 2007 I've rejected guys before as too good to be true. Sometimes it's just due to the fact that I don't want to feel insecure - because they're "better" people than I am. Sometimes it's just because that much perfection is annoying. Mostly I reject them because I know they're hiding something and I just don't want to stick around to see what it is. I like guys with visible, easy to understand flaws that I can take into account before dating them. Sure!!! a S C A R I was thinking about it. But Im just too damn good...I always drop them before they have chance to slash me in the face jcster....I thought you are a guy Oh Im such a sexist. I thought that because your posts I read were simply marvelous.
Author DanielMadr Posted August 14, 2007 Author Posted August 14, 2007 Which side if the wall are you on? Do you know a woman who is too good to be true? Or does someone keep you at arms length because she thinks you're too good to be true? Nope I certainly dont know any woman who is too good to be true. Because those doesnt exists. They live only in guys heads as a product of insecurities, fears of rejection and false naivism. Id like to think every woman who ever showed me the finger was doing it for this purpose I knew a few who could have these thoughts.
cr8sea Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 hm....ive heard of this thing u speak of...actually a guy i dated for a month said to me "are you really this good?"...he couldnt believe it and broke up with me....later he realized i WAS that good....but was human too....he kicked himself in the ass afterwards for a long time What i suggest is show her a bit of your "mortal" side....let a flaw come out here and there...and she'll realize she wont have to be in her best behavior all the time to match up with you.... hope that works!
jcster Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Sure!!! a S C A R I was thinking about it. But Im just too damn good...I always drop them before they have chance to slash me in the face oooh! Dueling scars are hot! jcster....I thought you are a guy Oh Im such a sexist. I thought that because your posts I read were simply marvelous.Errr....thanks? Glad you like the posts. I'm definitely female...just a little old and jaded is all.
Arizona100 Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 In my opinion you need to work on your confidence. Jcster is great, what are you talking about ><
Author DanielMadr Posted August 15, 2007 Author Posted August 15, 2007 In my opinion you need to work on your confidence. Can you elaborate? Jcster is great, what are you talking about >< We know that Jcster is great.
Author DanielMadr Posted August 15, 2007 Author Posted August 15, 2007 oooh! Dueling scars are hot! Why I wasnt a little slower back then?! Actually I have one but it is inside my mouth. And I almost got knife in my stomach, but I guess it doesnt count. And another on my forehead just healed too well its almost invisible. Uh, if only I knew, I would let them get me. Errr....thanks? Glad you like the posts. I'm definitely female...just a little old and jaded is all. Old and jaded? Arent we all? At least you have your **** together.
Arizona100 Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 We know that Jcster is great. Was replying to the post above mine. Can you elaborate? Sure can. Knowing ourselves is step one. And to love ourselves. I used to have this complex too, of "too good to be true" or "I am not good enough". I don't anymore, I got with "what you see is what you get", people accept me as I am or not, I don't care. I used to try to please everybody so I would be liked, I don't do that anymore. It cant click with everybody, if someone dislikes me, their loss, not mine. It doesn't mean I don't do any concessions, or don't try to understand a person's point of view, I haven't become a little Hitler in the process either .. To show confidence, to show that you love yourself, is very attractive by the way. To me it is. Also, I know what I want and don't want in someone, that simplifies it a lot. Now ok.. life is full of surprises and I might end with someone that at first I thought didn't fit my "needs" or desires and it could be great. I guess I stay open to the unpredictable. Although I do stress myself a lot in a relationship I still stay *me*. Does that make sense to you? Yeah you know what, talking about it it is obvious to me that I have no problem with friends and strangers, it's when love kicks in that I get a bit more worried but I wont radically change to make things work.
Author DanielMadr Posted August 15, 2007 Author Posted August 15, 2007 Was replying to the post above mine. Sure can. Knowing ourselves is step one. And to love ourselves. I used to have this complex too, of "too good to be true" or "I am not good enough". I don't anymore, I got with "what you see is what you get", people accept me as I am or not, I don't care. I used to try to please everybody so I would be liked, I don't do that anymore. It cant click with everybody, if someone dislikes me, their loss, not mine. It doesn't mean I don't do any concessions, or don't try to understand a person's point of view, I haven't become a little Hitler in the process either .. To show confidence, to show that you love yourself, is very attractive by the way. To me it is. Also, I know what I want and don't want in someone, that simplifies it a lot. Now ok.. life is full of surprises and I might end with someone that at first I thought didn't fit my "needs" or desires and it could be great. I guess I stay open to the unpredictable. Although I do stress myself a lot in a relationship I still stay *me*. Does that make sense to you? Yeah you know what, talking about it it is obvious to me that I have no problem with friends and strangers, it's when love kicks in that I get a bit more worried but I wont radically change to make things work. I understand what you are saying and you are right. But it is not the problem. Too good to be true means the other person thinks you are too good for her/him and doesnt want to risk relationship with you, because she/he thinks you are out of their league or they wont be able to hold you or like jcster wrote, they think there is probably some unvisible flaw in you when you ask them out and not someone "better". If somebody dislikes me....fine. But what is a pitty when somebody likes you and refuses to connect with you. It bothers me because I have this thing for "shy" girls. Sadly there is nothing I can do about it, unless she stays in my close proximity long enough, so she can see I wont bite her head off. Or maybe Im lucky. Maybe these girls are just control freaks. Afraid they wont be able to control me. Who knows.
jcster Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Jcster is great, what are you talking about Thanks guys, that made my day. Or maybe Im lucky. Maybe these girls are just control freaks. Afraid they wont be able to control me. Who knows. I think there is a bit of a control issue that comes into play when a woman contemplates a guy that seems a bit too perfect. Most of it is that nagging codependency that so many of us (including myself) have been raised to exhibit. We gravitate towards those with faults, often with the idea that somehow we're going to get a "bargain," that "diamond in the rough" that no one else saw the worth of, but that we can shine up. I call it a "second hand store mentality." Sadly, I've learned that most things in a second hand store are there for a reason, namely, they are broken. The other attraction is that those with flaws will somehow be more grateful to us for our attention. Somehow, guys that don't exhibit their flaws seem a lot more daunting and I've often found myself thinking that it will take a lot of work to make them appreciate me. It's a lazy way to embark on relationships. I think it takes a lot of maturity and self esteem to take that step towards dating someone that has only positive traits showing.
Trialbyfire Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 There's no such thing as a man who's too good to be true. If this is the case, you're looking at someone through rosy beer goggles or you're experiencing some insecurity within yourself. Two people either connect or they don't.
Author DanielMadr Posted August 15, 2007 Author Posted August 15, 2007 Thanks guys, that made my day. I think there is a bit of a control issue that comes into play when a woman contemplates a guy that seems a bit too perfect. Most of it is that nagging codependency that so many of us (including myself) have been raised to exhibit. We gravitate towards those with faults, often with the idea that somehow we're going to get a "bargain," that "diamond in the rough" that no one else saw the worth of, but that we can shine up. I call it a "second hand store mentality." Sadly, I've learned that most things in a second hand store are there for a reason, namely, they are broken. The other attraction is that those with flaws will somehow be more grateful to us for our attention. Somehow, guys that don't exhibit their flaws seem a lot more daunting and I've often found myself thinking that it will take a lot of work to make them appreciate me. It's a lazy way to embark on relationships. I think it takes a lot of maturity and self esteem to take that step towards dating someone that has only positive traits showing. I understand. Perfect insight. Only if someone would be able to act accordingly to her thoughts Maybe the same goes for myself. Maybe I want the shy girls to shine them up a bit. I dont think I can shine up some boobs flashing club girl
amber1 Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 I don't think I've ever come across a guy who is "too good to be true" in my mind. Sure, maybe there have been times when I was a little surprised that someone I thought was a little out of my league liked me, but nothing too good to be true. If I did meet this sort of person I would certainly go for it. I mean, why not? I find that games are involved in most dating relationships, at least the ones I've had. I think *some* game playing has to happen in order to make things interesting, but I don't like doing it.
Trialbyfire Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 I find that games are involved in most dating relationships, at least the ones I've had. I think *some* game playing has to happen in order to make things interesting, but I don't like doing it. Eewww...my last fling/thing was full of passive-aggressive mind games. It made me think he was more fickle than a pregnant woman. No thanks, never again. Give me a man who knows his mind and isn't afraid to speak it. Consistency FTW!!
Author DanielMadr Posted August 15, 2007 Author Posted August 15, 2007 Eewww...my last fling/thing was full of passive-aggressive mind games. It made me think he was more fickle than a pregnant woman. No thanks, never again. Give me a man who knows his mind and isn't afraid to speak it. Consistency FTW!! Yeah. 'Let's go to my place to f@ck' is probably too strong on the other hand.
Trialbyfire Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Yeah. 'Let's go to my place to f@ck' is probably too strong on the other hand. Ha...I'll add the need for some courtesy...
Cobra_X30 Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Ha...I'll add the need for some courtesy... Courtesy? Hmmm.... "Your place or mine?" Is that what you are referring to?
Trialbyfire Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Courtesy? Hmmm.... "Your place or mine?" Is that what you are referring to? You might be surprised at how much courtesy I require. It's one of the hazards of being raised with manners.
StayClose Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 We gravitate towards those with faults, often with the idea that somehow we're going to get a "bargain," that "diamond in the rough" that no one else saw the worth of, but that we can shine up. I call it a "second hand store mentality." Sadly, I've learned that most things in a second hand store are there for a reason, namely, they are broken. The other attraction is that those with flaws will somehow be more grateful to us for our attention. Somehow, guys that don't exhibit their flaws seem a lot more daunting and I've often found myself thinking that it will take a lot of work to make them appreciate me. It's a lazy way to embark on relationships. I think it takes a lot of maturity and self esteem to take that step towards dating someone that has only positive traits showing. That's an interesting angle for the "women prefer jerks/losers" discussion. Some people pick partners with obvious faults over others who appear to have their ***** together.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 You might be surprised at how much courtesy I require. It's one of the hazards of being raised with manners. There are many types of courtesy TBF. Some are common some are not. LOL... I assume that you require the Uncommon Courtesy. Does that suprise me? Hardly!
amber1 Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Give me a man who knows his mind and isn't afraid to speak it. Consistency FTW!! Do they even exist? If so I wish I could find one!
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