lovesick1 Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 Well, mainly her dad. For absolutly no reason! A little background info: I have been seeing this girl for nearly 6 months now and her dad has always been a little over-protective. Neither her dad nor mom are considered really "polite" or "decent" people. Neither hold back on cursing in front of kids so I figured that's just the way things were run in their house. So, here's the story: I was at my girlfriends house just hanging out when her brother and his girlfriend show up. We are just standing in front of the door talking and the two girls, my girlfriend and her brother's girlfriend, are having their girl talk because they haven't seen each other in a long time. So my girl told me I could go chill in the den until they finished, which, I did. I was watching the colbert report(love that show) and her dad comes in from work. I start thinking, "oh crap, i have to put up with this guy now." So the dude comes in smiling so I figure he had a good day and wouldn't give me crap, wrong. I greet him with, "Hello sir, nice to see you again." He looks at me furiously and yells, "Thanks for parking in the middle of the driveway and blocking everybody bud!" I was completly taken aback. OK, true, I shouldn't have been there when everyone showed up, but my girlfriend wanted me to take her to her music lesson so I had to wait until she got ready, and then her dad, and her brother showed up. So I responded, "Oh, sorry, I can move it for you...?" He comes back with, "Yeah, that might be nice!" So I walked towards the door utterly embarassed and felt like I had just made an ass of myself and just told my girlfriend I'd see her later and would go ahead and leave. She said that would be fine and that her brother could take her to her lesson. I walk towards the car and am STEAMING. Why does the dude have to be an ******* ALL the time? He has NEVER, not once in the sixth months I've been seeing this girl been nice to me. I'm a polite guy because that's just how I was raised. After I'm halfway home, I get a text from my girlfriend apologizing saying her dad was laughing at me and he didn't mean it intentionally, but just that I should toughen up a little bit. So I said, "what should I have done, chucked the keys at him and said,'you move it.'" she told me to just maybe learn to ignore him. So after all this I came away with, alright, next time this guy blows up at me I'm going right into it with him. I'm not taking any more crap from this dude. He wants me to be a man, fine. I'd love to blow up at him. He does not have to be an ******* but if that's what he likes in his girlfriends' guy, then I can sure as hell be that as I've been holding pent up rage against this dude since the day I met him. So, my girlfriend wants me to have dinner with her family Friday night. I really don't wanna go mainly because of her dad. I have no problem with her mom, in fact, I love her mom, she's so blunt and hilarious and she's nice to me. Her brothers are really nice to, and really funny. But her dad is just...intolerable! I really love this girl and we had an amazing day together making cakes, watching movies, most of today, but her dad just ruined my whole day! I feel so horrible and so embarassed and I love seeing her but her dad just complitcates things so much! What should I do? Part of me would like to take her advice and ignore him as well as toughen up and put up a fight, and therfore, have dinner with them. But my true part of me wants to stay in my main nature and not bother with it. It's true I've always been a little reserved and shy but very polite. Maybe it's time I change and toughen up to this guy and face him? Please help you guys! I need your advice on what to do!
jcster Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 A lot of older guys are like your GFs dad. If he didn't like you, he wouldn't give you a hard time. It's kind of like hazing. If he didn't like you, you would not be going out with his little girl. When your girlfriend said to "toughen up" she didn't mean that you should stand up to him, she meant that you shouldn't let him piss you off. That's the key to these guys - you have to take it and not get angry. In a year or so, he will think you are the best guy in the entire world - and he will have considered the time he spent busting your ass as "quality time." No lie - it's just the old school way of men. Just take a deep breath next time, make a little (respectful) joke even, but if you want to continue to see this girl - do not yell at her dad.
Touche Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 JC, great advice. I agree. I don't advise standing up to him at all. Just laugh it off or make a joke like say "Yeah, I love you too!" Be cool about it. I agree that if he really didn't like you he wouldn't let his daughter have you there at all. He does sound rude though. That whole car thing..he didn't handle that very nicely. Don't show that he's getting to you though. And please don't let him ruin your whole day again. Go to the dinner. Test yourself. You can do it. You sound like a bigger man than he is. You're certainly classier that's for sure. So will you go to the dinner? It's a good test of character for you. Good practice for life as unfortunately we have to deal with many a-holes and suck it up (like bosses.) Go and have a good time, ok? You're g/f will respect you for it. Tell us how it works out for you and good luck!
Author lovesick1 Posted August 14, 2007 Author Posted August 14, 2007 Thanks guys! I apprectiate the replys. Keep em comin! Both her parents are rude, that's just there nature I s'pose. I know standing up to him would be a bad move but sometimes I want to sooo bad. It seems like his rudeness is completly unnecessary but I guess like jcster said, he's just busting my ass for no reason. I agree I do need to loosen up a little bit, especialy if I'm going to eat dinner with them. Last time I did it was a bunch of awkward silences from my end. But that was only a month and a half in so, maybe now won't be so bad? I'm already really nervous about it but I guess I should just be a man and face it because this girl is so worth it. Every day with her is incredible.
jcster Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 Awkward silence is totally acceptable. You'd be amazed how many people don't even realize that it's awkward. You sound like a great guy, and if you're willing to put up with your girlfriend's parents - she will be very grateful.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 Im not advocating this... mostly because Im the kind of guy that would get up in his face like "whats your deal old man"... BUT here it goes. So I've found that with people who are consistently jerks... they dont want others to percieve them as A-holes. So when he says something mean... You look him dead in the eye and you say "that was mean. Why did you say that?" Most of the time just bieng direct puts them back on thier heels and they stop this kind of behavior. Trust me he doesnt want to be percieved as a jerk. Oh, and I wouldnt get tough with him. Been there.... done that.... not pretty.
Author lovesick1 Posted August 15, 2007 Author Posted August 15, 2007 Hmm. I am having mixed emotions about this whole situation now... The biggest part of me wants to follow cobras advice and look him dead in the eye, let him know I'm tired of his bulls**t. Last night I had settled with the fact that he was just giving me a hard time and would eventually warm up to me (Kinda like Meet the Parents). But this guy is such an ********* and I don't see him ever loosening up. I talked to my girlfriend some more and she said I had to understand his past to know why he's like he is. Apparently when he was a kid he could date, but his girlfriend could never come in his house. His parents never talked, just a rough childhood. I mean I guess I could see why he would be hard on me after I heard that. But, bottom line is, I really have never done anything wrong to offend him. I've always been extremely polite, have NEVER been late for a curfew(except once I was 5 minutes late, but they didn't care, they were both sleeping,) and I've always greeted both her parents and tried to be very cordial towards them. I'm partly not caring to see this girl any more just because of the sole fact of her dad. I mean, I love her to death and we have an amazing time together, but her dad is constantly giving me a hard time. I just don't even wanna bother with him again. My girlfriend says she can't believe I've stayed with her and put up with him for sixth months and she loves me dearly for it. She's a really polite and proper girl (Catholic, great manners, no alcohol, no drugs, and the sweetest girl I've ever met.) Sometimes I think I am the luckiest guy in the world for finding her because she makes me feel absolutly perfect the way I am and like I can do anything. She is my first love, and a great one at that, but I'm just having a dillema here because of her pops.
Touche Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Don't wimp out. Be a man like you said in your other post. Do it for your g/f at least. It's not worth losing her because of this. Just suck it up. It will be fine. Try to relax about it. She's obviously impressed that you've been able to hang in there so long in the face of her father's rudeness. Don't let her down now.
jcster Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 You are going to meet rude people throughout your entire life. Many of them are rude because they are in a position of power and you will have no way of standing up to them. You have found a wonderful girl that you truly care about and love to spend time with. This is a rare and valuable thing. Take the opportunity to gain some people skills and learn to deal with her dad. Don't wimp out. Don't yell at him. Just learn to take the good with the bad. He can't be all bad, despite how it seems - try and find something that you like about him and you may be surprised at how much better you two will get along. If you let this guy drive you away from your girlfriend you will regret it the rest of your life.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Dang... He might respect a direct approach as long as you are level headed and dont get angry... I would say your GF is the best to answer that question. Just for reference sake... when I went through this, I blew up like a volcano. I didnt scream or shout, but I got real threatening. I pretty much regret the whole thing, and Im lucky he backed down otherwise my life might have turned out different with some assault charges on me! I dumped the girl right away... told her I didnt want anyone who wouldnt back me up. I regret that too... I was just some dumb BF, and that was her dad... What could I have expected. So, yeah... I'd view Ol' Cobra's advice with that info in mind.
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