after 8 months he finally tells me THIS?!?!?

[jcster]

Missmebaby, are you familiar with Co-dependence? Not the buzz word co-dependence that every throws around, but the actual syndrome? I think you should RUN to a counselor now. You are emotionally addicted to a cruel, violent man. It's no different than heroin, and probably a lot more deadly.

 

I've been reading and responding to your posts for a while now, and I just have to say - It's all up to you. No one is going to help you do this. If you keep going the way you are, men will treat you this way for the rest of your life. You can either give up, and sit and cry in self-pity (which is what this pain is, self pity), or you can become strong, happy , and emotionally self sufficient. It's your choice. Every thing you do and every thought you focus on decides your future.

 

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and take action.

[woodsfield]

Good Lord, what a trainwreck of a situation and i can't read anymore.

 

i hadn't checked in in a while and i see that, after some time, you finally gave his crap back and have parted ways.....sort of.

 

WAKE UP!

 

you need to listen and take to heart what some of these people are telling you here. they are giving you good advise and it seems that it is ignored. the men that you've had in your past seem to like mistreating you and you seem to fall into their "traps".

 

DON'T TALK TO ANY EX'S EVER AGAIN!! don't go to places where they may be. don't do things that remind of them. don't worry about what they have said about anything. IT'S OVER! they are EXs for a reason! If you don't like the club seen anymore, find a bookworm in the library who doesn't like the drinking scene.

 

coming from someone who spent alot of his younger years alone (ALL of HS and first year in college with NO GF whatsoever), i know how hard it is to be alone. too much of my younger years were spent alone. i hated it and prayed for someone to fill the void in my life. i found her and have since married her.

 

judging by your picture (i guess that's you), you should not have a hard time finding another man, if that is what you really want. your cute and seem to be smart, but have put "blinders" on when it comes to men. you should be able to find a man that won't treat you like sh*t easily at college. steer clear of muscle bond money headed jocks, and you should do just fine.

[uniqueone]

Good Lord, what a trainwreck of a situation and i can't read anymore.

 

 

 

I can't read anymore either....I have to unsubscribe to this one I'm afraid. It's worn me out.

[missmebaby]

yes i am worn out too considering this is what is happening in my life everyday. but i am doing better, much better actually. im just not sure if its just temporary or if im really getting over it this quickly. there are still moments when i miss him and i get depressed...but it passes pretty quickly. i havent cried since the last time i talked to him which was 4 days ago. i am eating a lot better, sleeping better, and ive been in a much better mood and more motivated. i also dont really think about him very often or wonder what he is doing. that kind of scares me though considering how depressed i was just 4 days ago and how hard i usually take breakups. im afraid im just in denial or something or im going to relapse and become depressed again.

 

every once in awhile ill get this really strong urge to call him but i have not contacted him since friday. i really thought he would try to contact me but he hasnt either....i guess he really has forgotten about me. i wish i knew what he was thinking.

 

im also very sick of dating and basically just very annoyed by it. i realized i do not want a relationship right now, i dont think theres a point. no guys around my age are ready to settle down right now. so we're pretty much guarenteed to break up. also, im becoming very frustrated with relationships. the last 2 relationships ive had have both turned out the same way. we met, fell in love quickly, things were amazing in the beginning, we talked about moving out together and getting married, spent all our time together...then we start fighting, he treats me bad, things start to get rocky, we start breaking up and getting back together, i become insecure, then we have a horrible breakup and they go back to hooking up with their ex girlfriend. both of my last 2 relationships were exactly like that. its very frustrating and disappointing. i dont want it to happen to me again and i need to figure out what i can do to prevent it.

 

also discouraging me from dating right now are the guys ive been meeting. ive met a few guys, they've seemed really sweet and fun at first. but one got high on our first date, another called me at 4:30 in the morning to ask me if i was wearing panties, other guys just cant take a hint that im not interested so they practically stalk me. it just makes me sick..like are all guys like this??? am i ever going to find a nice normal guy that really wants to be with just one person??

 

ive also been doing a little thinking about my ex and trying to think of the bad things about him. there are a lot of warning signs about him i either didnt notice or i chose to ignore. first, i think he may be a misogynist and kind of hates women. he rarely sees his mom because he says she is very selfish and always chose her boyfriends over her children. he told me once before that he doesnt think he even loves her at all. also, he can be very disrespectful to both of his sisters. his full sister is my age and he snaps at her easily and hangs up on her, his half sister he says he cant stand and he is mean to her. his stepmom tries to be nice and help him but he despises her. he is disrespectful to her and says mean things behind her back and to her face. then he was disrespectful to me as you all know. there were also a couple other girls he dated for like a few weeks or so that he was disrespectful to. one girl he didnt tell he was moving away for 3 months for work. she called him one day and he just laughed and said "well i wont be seeing you for awhile...i moved away."

 

another girl he didnt like having sex with so he just stopped calling her and he ignored her. another girl he was good friends with, then they had a one night stand and she hated him after that night. he never would tell me the whole story and i think its because he probably did something really messed up and disrespectful to her and he didnt want to admit it. ive heard that misogynists are the way they are because they have been rejected by girls in their life. he has definitely been rejected in his life....first by his mom who only cared about herself and her boyfriends, then by his first girlfriend who kept breaking up with him and then getting back together, and cheating on him. then by his second girlfriend who left him and totally broke his heart and cut him out of her life.

 

i guess all those things, the fact that hes been in jail and in a ton of fights, the fact that he was like obsessed with me and saying i love you within the first 2 weeks should have been big red warning flags but i ignored them. also, i never really could figure out his past. he would tell me about his life in the past and i could never piece it together. like there would be years overlapping, or years missing. he would say one thing and the next time i would ask him about it, he would tell me a different time in his life it happened, or his story would be a little different. i feel bad for him i really really do. i think thats part of the reason i put up with his crap...because i know hes had a very rough past, and i think he is very messed up because of it. his family is never there for him, my family was much more there for him in the 9 months we were together than his family was during his whole life. i mean when he got into his bad car accident in the beginning of july his mom wouldnt even come to the hospital when it first happened because she was at work and didnt want to leave. his dad came to the emergency room but only for like 2 hours, then left because he said he had some things to do at work. his sister never came.

 

my dad and i were there as soon as he got there in the ambulance and we stayed there the whole time he was there. he got transferred to another hospital to stay overnight and i went there to stay the night with him and i called off work. his mom came for a while finally to visit. his dad never came back. neither of his sisters or anybody came. i had to take him home the next day because no one else could. a few days later when he was supposed to have surgery no one could take him because they all had too much to do at work so i took him and picked him up. i took him back to my house for a whole week and fed him, bathed him, changed his bandages, medicated him, rubbed his back when he couldnt sleep, washed his clothes, drove him all around. when i was at work my mom took care of him. my grandma and cousin stopped by to visit him and they made him cookies. he never really thanked me or anybody. most of the time he didnt even seem grateful.

 

he isnt the kind of guy i want to spend the rest of my life with, thats for sure. i also wouldnt want to be stuck with his family either. with everything that hes been through and the people in his life, i dont think its possible that hes ever going to really be happy and hes never going to treat people with respect. im really not mad at him. i know he treated me horribly but he has a mental disorder, his family has never been good to him, and hes been through too much in his life to really be normal.

 

hopefully i just keep getting better and i stop wondering why he hasnt contacted me yet.

[My2Cents2]

Ok, I joined this website just to respond to you. I have been on both ends of this spectrum in one form or another. I am not going to make this too long. I have broken been broken up with guys I love, as well as broken up with guys while I still loved them. Life goes on. I can truly say that while it does hurt, it is all mind over matter. Train yourself to see your future every time you think of him. Think of where you see yourself in 5 years, i.e. your accomplishments, career, degrees, etc. WITHOUT a man. Unfortunately, sick people draw other sick people to themselves. Something is wrong with him (bipolar, manic depression, whatever), but you would not have put up with his crap if your self-esteem had been in tact. You owe it to yourself to learn how to spot healthy and unhealthy traits in people, or you will find yourself in this situation again. DO NOT allow yourself to wonder if he thinks of you, or misses you or is sorry, or regrets his actions. It does not matter. DO NOT accept his phone calls. DO NOT allow him to see you. You are not ready. Get healthy first so that you can see him AND react to him for what he is. You will know you can do this when you feel compassion towards him without any attraction. If he winds up with someone else, he will be their problem, not yours. MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE.

[missmebaby]

i was doing so good all week. now the weekend is here and i feel horrible. i thought i was getting over him, i didnt even want to contact him at all this week and i barely even thought about him. now today i am feeling so lonely and i want to talk to him so badly. he hasnt contacted me in a week. i guess i thought he would try to get ahold of me somehow...but he hasnt. i guess he really is happier without me and has forgotten about me. maybe he is back with his ex or has someone new.

 

but then again i wonder if he really does miss me, or maybe he is depressed right now and maybe he thinks about me alot. he told me many times in our relationship that when him and a girlfriend break up, he cuts her out of his life and wont try to contact her at all. he did that with his last girlfriend who he was madly in love with and was very depressed when they broke up. maybe he really does want to talk to me but he is forcing himself to not contact me like he did with his other exes. maybe he thinks im getting on with my life and it will only embarass him and hurt him if he calls me to talk and i say i have a new boyfriend or something.

 

i cant stop myself from thinking these things sometimes...i miss all the things we used to do together, it drives me crazy that i longer go out to the places we used to go, or go out to eat all the time, or watch the shows we used to watch, or hang out with the people we used to. i just want someone to call me all the time like he used to, and talk to me for an hour. i miss how he always called me "baby" and i miss sleeping with him.

 

this weekend has just gotten me so down. i just realized how few friends i really have. every girl friend i have has a boyfriend...and none of them go out very often. i did not have one person in the last week call me to do anything. i stayed home last night and most likely will tonight too. well actually last night i had an ex boyfriend i dated for a year and we've been broke up for a little over a year now call me to hang out with him and his friends. he said he would call me back and never did. last weekend i text messaged one of my friends asking her if she was going out that night and she never got back to me either. i want to go out, i want to meet new people. its the only thing that makes me happy and occupies my mind. but none of my friends ever want to do anything.....it just makes me miss my ex so much more because with him, we were always doing something together. it just seems like everyone is happily in a relationship....except me.

[Capricciosa]

Sweetie, I feel for you and it sucks to feel so lonely. But you really need to find the strength to lean on yourself, be your own best company, do something really nice and kind for yourself. Go to a movie, buy yourself something frivolous. Be your own boyfriend. And when you're feeling better, find some new friends. That way not everything is placed on the guy and you can walk away if you are being treated badly.

Take good care of yourself.

[Mary3]

Sweetie, I feel for you and it sucks to feel so lonely. But you really need to find the strength to lean on yourself, be your own best company, do something really nice and kind for yourself. Go to a movie, buy yourself something frivolous. Be your own boyfriend. And when you're feeling better, find some new friends. That way not everything is placed on the guy and you can walk away if you are being treated badly.

Take good care of yourself.

 

This is such incredible advice !

 

Be your own boyfriend

 

I would agree with Capricciosa that you should go to the movies ( alone ) .

 

I do it and go on dates there too.

 

Whats really cool is : Its better to go to a movie you want to see then go with a bad date who ruins the movie.

 

Since you now realize you aren't going to see your ex then take yourself to a movie girl ! Or if you can make new friends ( which isn't always easy to do ) you need to GET OUT of the house ! That means go in the bathroom , get fixed up nice, be proud of how sexy you are and strut out that door and go to a movie. Or maybe even braver dinner ?

 

I think a nice walk along the lake or a pier or beach ( if you have one ) Because you need to learn how to be alone with yourself ( to heal ) and then get out there and start going out on Casual Dates , they should all be light and not serious.

 

If you Do find you like someone you will be at a healthy place in your mind and you won't ( next time ) give all your eggs to one basket and when that person leaves you are left devastated !

 

I learned that about 3 years ago and you LEARN to have a LIFE while with someone. CRUCIAL !

[JCD]

I think love is an addiction and when a person you love is gone, you experience the withdrawals and the crazyness associated with it. He is not good for you so there is no other reason for you to be with him other than your feelings you have for him from the good times you had. He gave you those emotional highs that you crave to have back. Stay away from him, heal and then date again.

[Capricciosa]

I think love is an addiction and when a person you love is gone, you experience the withdrawals and the crazyness associated with it.

 

Sorry, but I have to disagree. There is love and there is addiction. They are two different states of being. Addiction is when you can't get out even when you know you are being destroyed by the object of your addiction. Love is an altogether different experience. Best not to confuse the two. This woman is confusing love with addiction.

[BlueEyedSarah]

missmebaby, is that you in the avatar? If so your a very pretty girl, I'm shocked he doesnt want to be with you!

[missmebaby]

thank you sarah! yes that is a recent pic of me.

 

im proud to say that i am doing better. there are moments when i miss him like crazy but thats only when im having a bad day or something bad happens or there is something that reminds me of him. then i wish he was there to make me feel better and forget about my worries like he used to. i have been thinking more and more about the bad things about him and i really dont even want to call him anymore. i mean what would i even say? our last conversation was full of mean hateful things being said by both of us. plus there is no reason to have him in my life...i dont want to get back together and i dont really see us ever hanging out so theres no point in being friends. i wish things wouldnt have ended as bad as it did but i have come to realize that most of the mean things he said to me was purely out of anger. i didnt cry around him when we broke up, i acted like i didnt care, he thought i was going back to my ex bf and going out on dates and just getting on with my life doing just fine without him....and it really angered him and probably hurt him. he wanted to hurt me and make me feel bad.

 

life goes on, i am only 21. i dont want to get married anytime soon and there is so much time to meet lots of guys before i do want to get married. plus i keep reminding myself how miserable i would be if i did marry him. hes mentally unstable, is depressed and hates his life, does not have a good supportive family, he is in debt and has horrible credit, he works at least 60 hours a week so he would rarely be home, he is rude to complete strangers, is very prejudiced, and acts very arrogant like he thinks he is better than everyone. that is not the kind of husband i would want to have.

[Ihatethis84]

I didn't read anyones responses as there are 4 pages of them. But let me just say....As soon as he hit you with a pillow across the face, it should have been enough to leave him. That is only the beginning. The closer and closer you two get, the more violent he will get. Leave now and don't look back.

[StaringContest]

I don't like making long posts, but I'll make an exception for a cute girl

 

First, missmebaby, here's some things you said that I think you should re-read.

 

he was so bad for me and he is so totally psycho sometimes and he can be so cold hearted.

 

i know hes a really screwed up person

hes a horrible messed up mentally unstable person

he is mean, cold hearted, shallow, and selfish

i know he is no good for me, i know hes a jerk and that is probably something mentally wrong with him

he was so bad for me and he is so totally psycho sometimes and he can be so cold hearted.

 

Now about some other stuff you said.

 

its just SO frustrating to see someone that has so much potential to be the perfect guy if he wanted to be.

Don't ever fall in love with someone's potential. You have to love a person for who they are. Otherwise, you're going to be disappointed. Who or what you think they could be might not be the same as what they want to be. If a guy thinks he's perfect the way he is, it doesn't matter how much "potential" you think he has for something else. He's not going to change. Don't expect him to.

 

BTW, I disagree with you on this guy's potential to be the perfect guy. The perfect guy would never ever hit his woman, throw drinks on her, or call a b*tch. He has zero potential.

 

any ideas on why i am the only one he treated like this?

You partially answered yourself here:

 

i just have this "please love me" attitude where no matter how bad a guy treats me i will just try harder and harder to please him so maybe he will change and really love me

He treated you like that because you put up with it. A person with good self-esteem wouldn't behave like this. They wouldn't put up with some jerk throwing a drink in their face.

 

And just because his other relationships lasted years doesn't mean that he didn't treat them the same way. There are a lot of women who put up with abusive men for years if not lifetimes. How many months did you put up with it hoping that he'd change back to the sweet guy you had glimpses of. Most likely, his other gfs just took longer developing a backbone and getting out than you did.

 

i just want him to miss me and realize what he is losing.

If he doesn't realize what a mistake he's made, it's because he's an insecure person. Abusive people are very insecure, and like many other insecure people, they respond to people who treat them like crap and walk on the people who are nice to them. Why do you think you got 10 calls a day when you told him you were talking to your ex? It was because he realized he didn't have you as securely under his thumb as he thought he did. When you stood up to him, he started with the insults and lies to knock down your self-esteem, trying to get back the power he thought he had over you.

 

BUT I think that he'll soon be telling a new unsuspecting gf how wonderful you were and reeling her in with the tale of your tragically failed romance the same way he reeled you in. Just tell me you didn't hope he'd feel the same way about you as he did about his ex when he first told you about her... All smoke and mirrors to hook you.

 

im so sick of finding someone and thinking i found the person im going to spend the rest of my life with and they get my hopes up and then im let down like this, wondering if im ever going to find a decent guy.

YOU'RE 21! I know it's hard, but you've got to shake this social brainwashing that gives you the idea you should be looking for a guy to spend the rest of your life with right now. You've got to develop yourself into a whole person before you can think about having a relationship. This Hollywood "you complete me" stuff is BS. Complete yourself then find a guy who's also complete to share your life with.

 

i feel like its all my fault...like if i was more attractive, more fun, or more outgoing then maybe everything would be fine and they would treat me great.

I can't emphasize this enough: This has NOTHING to do with you and everything to do with him. The only thing you need to look at is why you picked these losers. You might also want to research abusive relationships, because the red flags were waving and you just didn't know what they were. (Saying he loves you after a couple weeks is a BIG red flag. Starting out way too sweet and constantly pulling 180s is another BIG red flag.) You'll be better equipped to deal with these losers if you know what to look for.

 

sometimes i wonder if his accident is a cause of all of this.

I doubt it. More likely, his true colors have finally come out. I bet he started this whole "space" thing just to get you to chase after him and get a self-esteem boost. He also wanted to be able to boost his ego by seeing other girls and keeping you on string. He did that because he thought he could get away with it. When you stood your ground and told him you wanted to break up too, it pissed him off and sent him into a tail-spin. Since then, he's been trying to manipulate you and crush your self-esteem, partly because he's lashing out and party to get you back under his control.

 

You should use this experience as a lesson. 8 months is nowhere near long enough to know a person well enough to decide to marry them.

 

its like i lived for those times and stuck around because i thought if i made it through the bad times with him then the next time he was back to being a good guy he would stay like that. like maybe from now on there wont be anymore bad times, maybe he wont go back to being a jerk.

You sound like a battered wife here.

 

but i know i never will. i hate imagining him with his ex girlfriend again. he would be so happy and honestly i dont think he deserves to be happy in a relationship AT ALL.

Like everybody else said, he's never going to be happy.

 

then he admitted to having sex with his ex girlfriend and a 17 YEAR OLD friend of his sister's

He's lying about that to make you jealous. Well, at least the ex girlfriend part. He might be telling the truth about the 17 year old. I wouldn't put it past an abusive jerk like him to also be a statutory rapist.

 

As for all that hurtful stuff he said about you (which I won't quote because I don't think you need to read it again), he's lying about all of that. Maybe he even convinced himsef that some of it's true to make himself feel better, but there's no way he didn't find you attractive. I can see what you look like in your avatar, I can say with 100% certainty that he's lying.

 

Anyway, good for you for standing up to that jack*ss. I bet it was the last thing he was expecting. Don't call him, because that's exactly what he wants. He wants to know that he's got power over you. He doesn't want you to realize that you're way too good for him.

 

Go talk to a counselor. You could use some help working on your self-esteem. From what I can see, that's the only thing "wrong" with you. You could be a lot worse off.

 

Put some effort into getting out and meeting new friends. Taking up a sport is always a good way, plus you'll get exercise. Stay away from that other ex. He's trying to make you a booty call and it's disrespectful to you. Don't put up with it.

 

And keep on thinking things like in your latest post. If you start thinking otherwise, come back and reread it:

 

im proud to say that i am doing better. there are moments when i miss him like crazy but thats only when im having a bad day or something bad happens or there is something that reminds me of him. then i wish he was there to make me feel better and forget about my worries like he used to. i have been thinking more and more about the bad things about him and i really dont even want to call him anymore. i mean what would i even say? our last conversation was full of mean hateful things being said by both of us. plus there is no reason to have him in my life...i dont want to get back together and i dont really see us ever hanging out so theres no point in being friends. i wish things wouldnt have ended as bad as it did but i have come to realize that most of the mean things he said to me was purely out of anger. i didnt cry around him when we broke up, i acted like i didnt care, he thought i was going back to my ex bf and going out on dates and just getting on with my life doing just fine without him....and it really angered him and probably hurt him. he wanted to hurt me and make me feel bad.

 

life goes on, i am only 21. i dont want to get married anytime soon and there is so much time to meet lots of guys before i do want to get married. plus i keep reminding myself how miserable i would be if i did marry him. hes mentally unstable, is depressed and hates his life, does not have a good supportive family, he is in debt and has horrible credit, he works at least 60 hours a week so he would rarely be home, he is rude to complete strangers, is very prejudiced, and acts very arrogant like he thinks he is better than everyone. that is not the kind of husband i would want to have.

[missmebaby]

well i am back. tomorrow will be one month since i last had any contact with him. i can feel myself spiraling down again. i was doing soo good for at least a week. now i am having a relapse and its so frustrating. last night and today were the closest ive come to call him since i last talked to him. i just cant believe he hasnt tried to get in touch. i know during our relationship he told me over and over that when he breaks up with someone he cuts them out of his life for a long time if not forever. but i thought he was just saying that to sound tough. i just need to hear his voice, i need to know if he hates me or not, i need to know if he has moved on. even if he tells me he is back with his ex girlfriend, or with someone else. heck, even if he said he and his ex are getting married...to me, that is better than not knowing. then i can have closure and move on once and for all. then i can finally figure out what our relationship really meant.

 

there are just so many things we left unanswered. it ended so suddenly and so badly that there is still a question mark there...like what the heck was that??? what the heck happened? also, the fact that he broke up with me, was so nice about it saying that i treated him better than any girlfriend ever did, and i was the perfect girl to be his wife, and he would like to come back to me when he is ready to get married. and he knows hes really going to regret breaking up with me and he would like to remain friends. then I AGREED WITH HIM. i said that it was fine and i would like to get out there and date others also and acted like it was what i wanted too. that night he called me back and BEGGED me to take him back saying he was making a huge mistake and he was just being selfish. he called me in the middle of the night saying he needed to hear my voice because he couldnt sleep, he couldnt stop thinking about me. the next day he called me first thing in the morning saying he really needed to see me. so he came over and once again begged me to take him back and we had a great night together. he hadnt acted so in love or so affectionate for a long time. but the next day he had changed his mind again and we broke up. the next couple days he called me constantly and flipped out when i said i was dating new guys. thats when he said all those horrible, hurtful things to me. i thought that he was just saying them because he was extremely jealous and didnt want to lose me to someone else. i thought that he would cool down and call me in a few days. well its been a month and im still waiting. we never went more than a few HOURS without talking.

 

i just cant accept the fact that our last conversation was so full of hate. thats not how i wanted things to end. and how just a couple days before that he was begging me to take him back and things were great...someone cant totally change their mind that quickly can they??? and what do i believe? the part where he says that i am a great girlfriend and he would like to come back to me in the future, or the part where he is saying that i was just a rebound, and the sex was horrible, and he never really liked me??

 

i dont understand why he hasnt contacted. is it because he is still angry at me? has he just moved on and doesnt want to talk to me? maybe because he thinks i have moved on and he doesnt want to embarass himself by calling and i dont want to talk to him? does he not know what to say? maybe he has too big of an ego to call me and actually contradict the mean things he said to me? my mind just keeps asking those questions over and over. i just want to know what happened to him...i want to know if he still cares at all.

 

i dont want to get back together, he is not the one for me at all. but i do want to sort a few things out, and i do want to know how he really feels. a month just seems like forever...like if he hasnt called by now hes not going to.

[jcster]

i just need to hear his voice, i need to know if he hates me or not, i need to know if he has moved on. ..then i can have closure and move on once and for all.

 

STOP!

 

Closure is a myth. Take it from me - a thousand conversations with him is never going to give you the closure you're looking for. The only cure for heartbreak is time. You have to give yourself enough time to heal from this, and if you call him, it's going to open all of the wounds again, and you will need to restart from zero.

 

This is just like alcoholism, like drug addiction...no drink, no pill, no phone call is going to help the situation. The good news is, if you can resist calling him, you will feel so much better.

 

You can do this! You owe it to yourself! DO NOT CALL HIM!!!

[Mary3]

All this time that you spend suffering emotionally you have to ask yourself :" Is he really suffering too ? " I don't think so. Remember what I said earlier . Never give energy to something that isn't giving it back.

 

My God there are ALOT of great men in this world ! As soon as you tell yourself that this guy is history the sooner you can move forward. GET BUSY ! Get out there . Go on light casual dates. Work on loving yourself MORE. Dont ponder and suffer about this man anymore.

 

You have sooo much to give someone.

 

You keep asking the relentless question : Isn't he suffering ? How could he do this ? I thought he was going to love me forever ?

 

Well the answer is NO. They don't always stay with you. They don't always love you forever. They CHANGE . And change he DID. He wants something else and good riddance !

 

Look at life. You life can be over in a heartbeat . All of ours can. People change inside and want different things . 6 months or 6 Years....people change inside and want to exit out.

 

Please stop beating yourself up about this.

 

Let this man go into HISTORY

[missmebaby]

well i saw him for the first time since we broke up. its been about 5 weeks now. i went to a bar with a bunch of my friends friday night and he was standing right at the door talking to the guy checking IDs. he looked right at me and i walked right past him without saying a word. a half hour later he left. well i ended up getting really drunk and i texted him. he text me right back saying "its 1:30 in the morning, what do you want?" i said "where are you?" and he said he was at home. then he tried to call me but i didnt answer because it was too loud in there. i said "so do you still hate me?" and he said "no but i will if you dont let me go to sleep." then he tried calling me again but i didnt answer. the next morning he called me again but i wasnt around my phone.

 

so last night i ended up calling him back. i thought maybe we could have a decent conversation and i could find out what his problem is. he answered on the first ring. at first he was being very rude saying that hes forgotten about me and doesnt feel a need to talk to me ever again. he said "i told you when im done with somebody, im just done, thats it." he said "i dont have a problem with you, i know you and your family treated me really great but i dont have a reason to talk to you anymore. there was no friendship before we started dating so why should there be one now?" he said there was nothing to talk about, and that the last few months we were together he didnt want me, he was just there for my family. i said "you're lying, just a month before we broke up you were planning on moving in with me and we were looking for places together and you were saying you were so lucky to have me and you couldnt wait to put a ring on my finger." he just said "well, whatever." then there was an awkward silence and he said "we just didnt mesh well together, it wouldnt of worked."

 

then just as i was about to get off the phone with him he changed the subject and started asking me all kinds of things about my life and what ive been up to and he was telling me all about what hes been doing. we ended up talking for another 2 hours! there were plenty of chances for him to get off the phone, there were like 7-8 periods of awkward silence but he always found something else to say or to ask me, and his phone died and he called me right back. he kept asking me things trying to find out about if i had gone on any dates, and he was asking me about my ex boyfriend and what he means to me and if we hook up all the time, etc. and he said a bunch of things to make me jealous. i just blew it off like it didnt bother me. he tried to tell me that he is trying to get back with his ex girlfriend, and that he never really wanted to be done with her. i asked him if i saw him in public again, if we could be decent to each other. he said "yea ill say hi, but you better watch out if you have a new boyfriend with you. dont bring him around me because i will pick on him."

 

it was a weird conversation and i dont know what to make of it. it lasted for 2 hours, we never even talked that long when we were together. then one minute he was being rude to me and the next he sounded like he really wanted to talk to me. hes such a blunt person that i know he would have no problem saying leave me the hell alone!! hang up, and never answer my phone calls again if he wants nothing to do with me. but he kept answering my text messages and he answered my phone call on the first ring and talked to me for hours.

 

i dont think he wants to get back together, and i definitely dont either. but im not over him, i still miss him a little and i would like to talk to him every once in awhile. i just cant figure out exactly how HE feels. help me out!!

[woodsfield]

i dont think he wants to get back together, and i definitely dont either. but im not over him, i still miss him a little and i would like to talk to him every once in awhile. i just cant figure out exactly how HE feels. help me out!!

 

if you don't want to get back together, who cares how he feels?!

 

it sounds like the two of still want to be together to me. you did good by walking past him without saying a word but it must have gotten to you and that is why you texted him.

 

let it go! don't talk to him and don't worry about how he feels unless you still care for him, which, to me, it sounds like you do.

 

go back to him or forget him for good.

[missmebaby]

no really, i dont want him back. i guess im just really curious about how he feels about me. i miss him sometimes and wish i could see him again...i guess i just wonder if he feels the same.

[woodsfield]

no need to wonder....

move on.

[StaringContest]

no need to wonder....

move on.

 

Yup. What he said.

 

I like to just assume they miss me and are pining away. Is that delusional? Probably, but it makes me feel better.

[Timberlane]

I have close relatives with manic depression and other problems. All of them take strict antidepressant regimens and rarely have the intense mood swings your boyfriend is exhibiting. Fights? That would land them in the mental hospital. Your boyfriend does not manage his depression effectively, and hence is irresponsible. I would get as far away from him as humanly possible. The violent part of his nature is a red flag of the worst kind. This is the personality type that ends up hurting or killing someone in a fit of rage because they could not control their anger. I'm very, very sorry you ended up getting involved with him. It's very difficult to pry yourself away from that sort of situation when you care for them, but you have to.

[missmebaby]

well i am finally able to admit what i never wanted to even think about before...he was never over his ex. there were a million signs to prove it but i thought since he didnt talk to her anymore, and since there were so many times when he seemed so in love with me and wanted to marry me that it meant that he didnt care about her anymore. well i realized i was wrong and a huge reason why he treated me the way he did and why we broke up is because he is still in love with her.

 

it always hurt too much to even think about it. but he was always comparing me to her. i know he took their breakup very very hard and he blamed himself and he went into a bad depression. all the things that he didnt like about me were things that he loved about her. she was small, thin, and gorgeous. he was always on my case to lose weight even though i am not overweight at all. while we were together he made me feel ugly sometimes and tried to change the way i looked. when we broke up he said he wasnt ever really attracted to me. him and his ex never really fought, so when he and i fought he made a huge deal about it and said we fought ALL the time even though we didnt. he hated that it took me so long to get ready, and said that his last gf didnt take more than a half hour. also, he was always making comments about how she loved sex and couldnt get enough of it and i didnt want to do it enough.

 

he broke up with me like 5 months ago because he said he had a dream about her and it felt like he cheated on me and he felt guilty. but what he didnt tell me is, it probly just made him realize that he really missed her. we got back together the next day though. then i remember asking him if he still had feelings for her and he couldnt give me a straight answer...he just said "we've been broken up for a year."

 

then after we broke up he still acted like he wanted me, and he continued to call me all the time and wanted to know if ive been on dates and he acted really jealous....until the night he went out with his ex and slept with her. after that night he wanted nothing to do with me. now he claims that he is trying to get back with her and they are taking things slow....but they have slept together many times. he says he has forgotten about me...and thats probly because he wants her so bad and thinks they are getting back together. i dont know if she feels the same...ive driven by his house before and she wasnt there, she wasnt there when i went to drop off his things, she wasnt with him this weekend when i saw him, and she wasnt with him when he called me saturday morning or when i called him back sunday night. sunday night he made the remark: "well i am making headway, i finally got her to call me." ummm ok what is that supposed to mean? i thought he was sleeping with her all the time and they were spending time together and talking about getting back together?

 

i think he is still obsessed with her and was when we were together. it really really hurts to think that the whole time i thought he loved me, he was still in love with her and i couldnt compare to her.

[Lishy]

Oh for goodness sake Miss!!!!!!!!! Ok I am going to give this to you with no frills ok? Sorry if I offend but I have to say this

 

Get over him, he is the biggest jerk that lived!!!!!!!!!!!

 

He is vile

he is narccissitic

He is obsessive

He is a manic depressive

He is abusive

He calls you names

He enjoys lowering your self esteem and makes you feel like crap

He is ugly on the inside

He is a liar

 

He is the pits honey and you miss that???????????????

 

Do you miss the roller coaster and the abuse? Do you miss being second best and being treated like dirt? Do you miss being compared to the ex and being told to lose weight?

 

Get a grip!

 

The guy is Mr Loser from Loserville!

 

You will look back on him one day and realise what a lucky escape you had!

 

Trust me!