huh Posted August 25, 2007 Posted August 25, 2007 Return the stuff (as Underpants suggested through someone else or shipping it to him). Then there is no reason for you to be in contact with him. You can avoid the 10 calls a day by either letting them go to voicemail or call blocking or changing your cell phone. You do have power in this situation, the power not to let someone suck you into his never ending cycle of mind games (which is what he's doing). Use it. It's hard not getting the answers/closure, but it's better than continuing to be sucked into his mind games. End the contact now. It will be hard at first, but eventually, you'll come to enjoy & savor the peace & serenity of not having your mind continually played with.
Author missmebaby Posted August 25, 2007 Author Posted August 25, 2007 i am staying strong and not contacting him. but i sit here and wonder what hes doing, who hes with, does he ever think about me? does he miss me at all? does he regret breaking up? last night i was laying in bed all alone and i was wondering if he was in bed with someone else, holding her tight. maybe hes back with his ex gf, the one he thought was perfect and she broke up with him 2 years ago and broke his heart. if so, hes probly happier than ever because he has her back. or maybe hes sleeping around with random girls which isnt like him at all but maybe it makes him feel like "the man" for getting all these "hott btches." does he ever feel lonely? does he go out with his friends at night and have a great time and not even think about me? isnt he ever sad knowing we will never do any of the things we used to do together? its just SO frustrating to see someone that has so much potential to be the perfect guy if he wanted to be. but instead he is mean, cold hearted, shallow, and selfish. i mean he could be so loving and treated me so good and wanted to take care of me and was so happy to be with me. its like i lived for those times and stuck around because i thought if i made it through the bad times with him then the next time he was back to being a good guy he would stay like that. like maybe from now on there wont be anymore bad times, maybe he wont go back to being a jerk. i found an article about dating "losers" that totally sounds like him. its like the article was written about him. im so tempted to print it off and highlight all the things that relate to how he acted and treated me and put it in the box with his stuff when i drop it off so he will read it. but then again i doubt it would change anything anyways.
Author missmebaby Posted August 25, 2007 Author Posted August 25, 2007 i got a text message from him an hour ago saying "wheres my sh*t?" i dont know why he keeps harrassing me about it. none of the stuff is important. does he just want it all to be over so he doesnt have to talk to me ever again? is it just an excuse to keep contacting me? i am so upset right now, i think this is the worst ive felt since we broke up. ive lost 10 lbs in the last 4 days because i just cant eat. i cant find anything to do to keep myself busy because i just dont want to leave my room. and the worst part of all is that i have absolutely no close friends. im sitting here on a saturday evening, im 21 years old and i have nothing to do. i called one of my friends that i can usually count on to hang out with and she said she doesnt know whats going on but will call me later and let me know, one of my other friends thinks she might be pregnant so she said she wont be going out for awhile, another friend hasnt returned my last 2 text messages, and yet another one of my friends never got back to me last night about what was going on so im not trying her again tonight. basically i have one friend that i can count on and i feel bad for always bugging her. i dont understand why 2 of my friends wont even return my text messages. i even text messaged one of my ex boyfriends because we still hang out every once in awhile and he hasnt said anything back either. i hate having no friends and its all my fault because i lose contact with them when i have a boyfriend. right now i would rather be with him than be sitting home alone on a saturday night. im 21, this should be the best time of my life.
jcster Posted August 25, 2007 Posted August 25, 2007 Trust me, 21 isn't the best time of your life. I was 21 over 20 years ago, and sure, it can be fun, but the lessons (as you are finding out) are incredibly painful. It's also a time when a lot of young women get in relationships with abusive guys. I did, my friends did too. It's a mistake you don't want to make again, believe me! Give yourself a little time. It's only been a few days. You invested a lot of emotion and energy in this guy, and now you are feeling down. It will take a little while to reconnect with your friends, but they will come around.
Author missmebaby Posted August 26, 2007 Author Posted August 26, 2007 he called me last night at 10:30 and i didnt answer. he left me a voicemail saying "stop being a btch, i want my stuff back!" the only reason i can think for him to be calling me at 10:30 on a saturday night is because he was hoping i would answer so he could find out what i was doing, who i was with, etc. he knows i would be out at the bar or with my friends and i think he was trying to keep tabs on me. i never returned his call so this morning he calls me 2 more times and leaves a voicemail that says "alls you have to do is answer your phone 1 time so i can figure out how to get my stuff back, then i will never call you again." i dont understand why hes so desperate to get his things back and is making such a big deal out of it. we've only been broken up officially for like 5 days and his stuff is just a movie and a couple t shirts and a 4 wheeling helmet. ive had this stuff for months. ive been working and i had to drive 45 mins away to school the last few days so i havent had time to go a half hour out of my way to drop his things off. i plan on taking it over there tomorrow because thats the only day im gonna have time.
Capricciosa Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 Realize there are no answers to your questions about why this guy is doing this or that. He's mentally unstable and manipulative to boot. You are the only one keeping yourself in this pain now by a)not getting his stuff to him asap, and b)obsessing over what his reasons may be. You need to find some way to get him out of your life (his stuff) and your head (busy yourself with something else and stop asking why!). You must be the agent of your own freedom. But you really need to want to be free and it doesn't sound like you are 100% convinced yet. Reread all these posts. You're young, this is all new and shocking, but trust us older gals. You will feel 1000% better once you get yourself out of this, and away from someone so egotistical, narcissistic, and unstable. It's ok just to let go. Especially of a situation that is so obviously negative and harmful.
uniqueone Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 He's being that way about his stuff because that's all he has right now that links him to you and for which he can get an answer. He wants contact...not his things. He's lost the control....he's lost the power....THAT'S what's driving him. You sure you're not taking your time with his stuff because you like the connection still? And you like that it has him pursuing you?
Author missmebaby Posted August 26, 2007 Author Posted August 26, 2007 well i have just had a major setback today. i called him to tell him i would be dropping his stuff off at his house tomorrow and he said something about how i must not of been answering his calls because i was probly with my ex boyfriend. then he started hinting around that him and his ex girlfriend are getting back together! he just told me 5 days ago that they werent getting back together and they hadnt even talked about it. this is the girl that wanted to go on a break with him, he then slept with one of his ex gfs and didnt tell her, she later found out and dumped him but continued to sleep with him even though she didnt want to get back together and he did, and then she dated his best friend. i guess he was really really depressed because of it because he was like totally in love with her but then he met me and didnt talk to her for almost 9 months. i cant believe this, i was just a rebound wasnt i????? for 9 months while he and I were together he still wanted her didnt he?? he said they are not back together they are just talking on the phone, thats it. they went out for a drink one night too. he said shes the best thing he ever had and it was all his fault she left him. then he kept bringing up my ex boyfriend and saying that i still wanted him and hes sure i had sex with him this week and that the whole time him and i were together i just wanted my ex. well i didnt deny any of it so he got angry and said that i probly had met other guys by now too and i said that yes i was talking to a couple guys and i had dates with them. so he started screaming at me calling me a hoe, saying he cant believe he ever even gave me a chance and i was the worst girl hes ever dated and he never wanted me i was just a rebound. he said he wanted her the whole time we were together and he was just using me and she is sooo much better than me in every way. this guy was all about moving in with me, he kept saying he wanted to marry me, he wanted to spend every day with me, he used to say how lucky he was to have found me, and that he loved me so much and i did more for him than any girl ever has. now i find out THIS. that our whole relationship was one big fat lie?? that i was just a rebound and a distraction to keep his mind off his ex?? i dont know what to think i am just so hurt. it makes me sick to think that i trusted him and believed everything he said to me about loving me and getting married, etc. and i put so much time and effort into this relationship and i was there for him and took care of him but it was a waste of time and he played me. i thought that him taking the time to call me so many times a day and wanting to see me everyday and driving a half hour to my house to see me, and spending so much money on me, and helping me with things and doing things i wanted to do showed that he loved me and cared about me. i never thought for one second that someone would put in that much effort if you were just a rebound and they never really wanted you.
uniqueone Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 well i have just had a major setback today. i called him to tell him i would be dropping his stuff off at his house tomorrow and he said something about how i must not of been answering his calls because i was probly with my ex boyfriend. then he started hinting around that him and his ex girlfriend are getting back together! he just told me 5 days ago that they werent getting back together and they hadnt even talked about it. this is the girl that wanted to go on a break with him, he then slept with one of his ex gfs and didnt tell her, she later found out and dumped him but continued to sleep with him even though she didnt want to get back together and he did, and then she dated his best friend. i guess he was really really depressed because of it because he was like totally in love with her but then he met me and didnt talk to her for almost 9 months. i cant believe this, i was just a rebound wasnt i????? for 9 months while he and I were together he still wanted her didnt he?? he said they are not back together they are just talking on the phone, thats it. they went out for a drink one night too. he said shes the best thing he ever had and it was all his fault she left him. then he kept bringing up my ex boyfriend and saying that i still wanted him and hes sure i had sex with him this week and that the whole time him and i were together i just wanted my ex. well i didnt deny any of it so he got angry and said that i probly had met other guys by now too and i said that yes i was talking to a couple guys and i had dates with them. so he started screaming at me calling me a hoe, saying he cant believe he ever even gave me a chance and i was the worst girl hes ever dated and he never wanted me i was just a rebound. he said he wanted her the whole time we were together and he was just using me and she is sooo much better than me in every way. this guy was all about moving in with me, he kept saying he wanted to marry me, he wanted to spend every day with me, he used to say how lucky he was to have found me, and that he loved me so much and i did more for him than any girl ever has. now i find out THIS. that our whole relationship was one big fat lie?? that i was just a rebound and a distraction to keep his mind off his ex?? i dont know what to think i am just so hurt. it makes me sick to think that i trusted him and believed everything he said to me about loving me and getting married, etc. and i put so much time and effort into this relationship and i was there for him and took care of him but it was a waste of time and he played me. i thought that him taking the time to call me so many times a day and wanting to see me everyday and driving a half hour to my house to see me, and spending so much money on me, and helping me with things and doing things i wanted to do showed that he loved me and cared about me. i never thought for one second that someone would put in that much effort if you were just a rebound and they never really wanted you. *SIGH* WAKE UP! Can you just step outside of this vortex you're in for a minute so you can see it clearly for once? You stop responding to him....his jealousy assumes you with another man. So, how can he save his own ego in that situation? Ah! When he confronts you, he'll tell you that HE has gone back to his ex GF and that you were only a fling. Guess what? It worked! He had the effect that he wanted on you. You fell right into it. Can't you see this? You're actually believing everything that comes out of this guys mouth like he's the Pope or something. Look at his credibility level! This is all sounding like a very immature tit-for-tat episode now. WHO'S going to be the adult and end it? We know it's not going to be HIM. And YOU should not have called him....you should have dropped his stuff off some other way or through someone else---because you are too vulnerable to everything that he says. Missme....you've got to get off of this merry-go-round you're on. It's not going to end the way you want it to. Not when you're dealing with a messed up guy like this. How long are you going to keep trying before you realize that you're not going to get any good results out of this?
livebuzzwords Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 i dont know what to do. i know i should be there for him but should i also become less available, like not answer the phone everytime he calls, not spend time with him whenever he asks and go out with my friends more and do my own thing? or is this just going to make him mad and push him away more? also, what is the real reason he needs his "space"? is it because hes depressed and hes going through alot right now or is he just not that into me anymore? MEDICATION FOR LIFE - I DO NOT CYCLE MOODS ANYLONGER BECAUSE OF MEDS AND I WAS NEVER FULLY OUT OF CONTROL - NO FEAR OF VIOLENCE AS U KNOW I AM A TEDDY BEAR I LIVE AN NORMAL LIFE AND ACTUALLY DON'T SUFFER FROM OUTBURSTS OF ANGER = I THINK YOU WILL NOT RECOGNIZE ME ANYMORE - I WISH I HAD THESE MEDS YEARS AGO - THE ONLY DRAWBACK IS SHORT TERM MEMEORY LOSS
huh Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 You've got a lot of good advice from a lot of folks here. UniqueOne hit the nail on the head with they why he's telling you this business. He's not mentally stable & he's abusive on top of it. It's normal to want closure and reasons when a realationship breaks up or doesn't go forward like we'd hoped it would. But you're not going to get closure or reasons from a mentally ill abuser. I have a few mentally ill relatives with an abusive side. When they won't get proper treatment, they're like Lucy with the football. She keeps promising Charlie Brown she won't pull the ball away this time. Then, what does she do? The only way to deal with these types is to realize they're going to keep pulling the ball away. Give him his stuff, don't respond to any more calls. Let yourself be sad & mourn the relationship for a bit. But don't keep obsessing over it & getting drawn into his game. That's going to tie your energy up when it could be better used for other things. Like yourself or meeting a great guy who appreciates you.
Author missmebaby Posted August 27, 2007 Author Posted August 27, 2007 ok i am dropping his things off tomorrow and not contacting him again. i kind of wish i knew what to expect, like if he will try to contact me again? i just wish i could get some answers, i wish i knew the truth about a lot of things. but i know i never will. i hate imagining him with his ex girlfriend again. he would be so happy and honestly i dont think he deserves to be happy in a relationship AT ALL. not after how good i was to him and how he played games and treated me bad and screwed with my head. he deserves to be miserable for awhile so he can think about what he did and feel bad for how he treated me. i dont think they are getting back together at all though. its just the way he threw it out there like he was really trying to make me jealous. like i didnt even ask him about her or say anything about another girl and he just came out and told me he has pictures of her in his phone now and they've been talking alot. and he thinks ive been trying to get my ex back so i think hes trying to throw his ex in there to get even. plus if he was sooo happy with her why is he calling me everyday yelling at me to return a couple shirts, a movie, and a helmet that ive had for months? and then calling me last night at 10:30 and then again this morning...why wasnt she with him then? thats usually when me and him spent all our time together. i dont really know why he feels the need to try to make me jealous oh well i am trying to get better everyday. i wouldnt ever take him back, im just having a hard time letting go. i just miss the familiarity and comfort and he was always just "there."
uniqueone Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 THE ONLY DRAWBACK IS SHORT TERM MEMEORY LOSS Short term WHAT???
uniqueone Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 ok i am dropping his things off tomorrow and not contacting him again. i kind of wish i knew what to expect, like if he will try to contact me again? i just wish i could get some answers, i wish i knew the truth about a lot of things. but i know i never will. i hate imagining him with his ex girlfriend again. he would be so happy and honestly i dont think he deserves to be happy in a relationship AT ALL. not after how good i was to him and how he played games and treated me bad and screwed with my head. he deserves to be miserable for awhile so he can think about what he did and feel bad for how he treated me. i dont think they are getting back together at all though. its just the way he threw it out there like he was really trying to make me jealous. like i didnt even ask him about her or say anything about another girl and he just came out and told me he has pictures of her in his phone now and they've been talking alot. and he thinks ive been trying to get my ex back so i think hes trying to throw his ex in there to get even. plus if he was sooo happy with her why is he calling me everyday yelling at me to return a couple shirts, a movie, and a helmet that ive had for months? and then calling me last night at 10:30 and then again this morning...why wasnt she with him then? thats usually when me and him spent all our time together. i dont really know why he feels the need to try to make me jealous oh well i am trying to get better everyday. i wouldnt ever take him back, im just having a hard time letting go. i just miss the familiarity and comfort and he was always just "there." No matter how much you shake this guy upside down, you're not going to get answers out of him that make sense. He doesnt' HAVE any answers in him that make sense so how can he give them to you? It's like trying to get a prize out of the gumball machine when there aren't any prizes left. No matter how much money you keep feeding into it, you're still just going to keep getting gumballs. When you start to miss him, what are you thinking of? You have to start there so that we can help you break through those rose-colored glasses you're seeing him through.
Capricciosa Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 i just wish i could get some answers, i wish i knew the truth about a lot of things. but i know i never will. i hate imagining him with his ex girlfriend again. he would be so happy and honestly i dont think he deserves to be happy in a relationship AT ALL. not after how good i was to him and how he played games and treated me bad and screwed with my head. he deserves to be miserable for awhile so he can think about what he did and feel bad for how he treated me. If it makes you feel any better, he is NEVER going to be happy because he is sick and will turn every relationship into what he turned yours into. So take that satisfaction and stop, stop, stop thinking about him and start thinking about you.
Author missmebaby Posted August 27, 2007 Author Posted August 27, 2007 wow i am so sick of his games. he called me every day for 4 or 5 days wanting his stuff back. well when i finally called him back yesterday he said he would call me when he gets home from work so i can bring his stuff over and he can give me the $44 he owes me. i was just going to have him open the door, he give me the money, and i hand him the box of his stuff. he was SO persistant about calling me to get his stuff back and the day we finally plan for me to bring it back he doesnt call!!
underpants Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 wow i am so sick of his games. he called me every day for 4 or 5 days wanting his stuff back. well when i finally called him back yesterday he said he would call me when he gets home from work so i can bring his stuff over and he can give me the $44 he owes me. i was just going to have him open the door, he give me the money, and i hand him the box of his stuff. he was SO persistant about calling me to get his stuff back and the day we finally plan for me to bring it back he doesnt call!! He is so playing a game with you. The only thing you can do is choose not to play. No one ever wins anything worth while in these games. He is not calling you because he has you waiting around. He is clearly using his stuff as a connection and control string with you. Can you live without the 44 dollars? Can you just consider it arse hole tax? Don't answer when he calls, and he will much later tonight probably. When he is at work tomorrow leave his crap on his door step when he is NOT home. He will call you then and probably rant about how rude that is but you know ...what ever, cost of wasting your time. Don't answer or return the calls. Just get away from him and take a vacation from his games for a while. Please, for you.
huh Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 Seconding what Capricosa said about this dude being happy. Don't think he's capable of it. No doubt he'll pull the same crap on her.
jcster Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 When he is at work tomorrow leave his crap on his door step when he is NOT home. He will call you then and probably rant about how rude that is but you know ...what ever, cost of wasting your time. Don't answer or return the calls. Yes! Why are you so set on bring his stuff over? Let the drama end. Leave it on his doorstep and never answer his calls again.
Author missmebaby Posted August 28, 2007 Author Posted August 28, 2007 underpants you were right, he did call me back. he used the same line on me as i used on him yesterday when i told him why i hadnt brought his stuff back..."i didnt have time." i said "well you said you were going to call me today when you got home so i could drop your stuff off." he said "well i did not have time, ive been busy." rightttt, the kid always admitted that he never did anything but go to work, then to the gym, then to get something to eat, then when home and went to bed. he always gets home between 4:30 and 6:30 and doesnt go to the gym till about 7 or 8. there was plenty of time for me to come over. so i said "you were calling me everyday and was so desperate to get your stuff back, now we set a time and u dont call me." he said "well thats when i thought you were just going to drop it off...now i have to make time to be there so i can give you your money." then i said "whatever it doesnt matter, bye." and hung up. he is obviously playing stupid games or he wants to keep in contact with me or something although i dont know why? who knows when he will call again..maybe i will just have him put the money in an envelope and put it under a rock outside his door and ill drop his stuff off when hes not there.
underpants Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 underpants you were right, he did call me back. he used the same line on me as i used on him yesterday when i told him why i hadnt brought his stuff back..."i didnt have time." i said "well you said you were going to call me today when you got home so i could drop your stuff off." he said "well i did not have time, ive been busy." rightttt, the kid always admitted that he never did anything but go to work, then to the gym, then to get something to eat, then when home and went to bed. he always gets home between 4:30 and 6:30 and doesnt go to the gym till about 7 or 8. there was plenty of time for me to come over. so i said "you were calling me everyday and was so desperate to get your stuff back, now we set a time and u dont call me." he said "well thats when i thought you were just going to drop it off...now i have to make time to be there so i can give you your money." then i said "whatever it doesnt matter, bye." and hung up. he is obviously playing stupid games or he wants to keep in contact with me or something although i dont know why? who knows when he will call again..maybe i will just have him put the money in an envelope and put it under a rock outside his door and ill drop his stuff off when hes not there. Why did you answer? He got what he wanted, you home alone waiting for his call. Can you let the 44 dollars just go? It is worth 44 dollars (bargain really) to know the character of someone you considered caring for. Drop his crap off tomorrow during his working hours so there is NO chance of him being home. Let him suffer the deafening silence for a while. This might be the cruelist thing you could do to him. These other tactics are not working.
uniqueone Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 It's not worth the 44 dollars We'll all mail you a dollar just to get rid of this guy........
underpants Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 We'll all mail you a dollar just to get rid of this guy........ :lmao: I am laughing and crying because I have been in this place and it is crazy. I will mail you 5 dollars. ((missme)) hugs girl.
Author missmebaby Posted August 28, 2007 Author Posted August 28, 2007 hahaha thanks for making me laugh. no i guess hes not worth the money.
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