Crash Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 I was just thinking about this because I went away with my mm on business - he had business - I took vacation. He was working and I had the days to myself. They were ok, but I was just killing the time until he was done for the day. It was a new place (city) and I love exploring but I did it with him in mind, wondering which places might be fun for us to go back to, where we should have dinner, etc. I still enjoy doing things and spending time with other people, but I think the enjoyment is much less because seeing him is always the most important thing to me, the highpoint of the day or of the week, and what I look forward to more than anything else. The relationship itself is never boring to me.
Hurt & Alone Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 I mean ever has loved me and attended to me as much as he does. No this feeling all to well, when nothing else in the world matters when we were together. This now waht makes it soooooooooo hard to forget him. Tried dating, but each time I found myself comparing the person I was with to him and they never even come close to hitting the mark.
PoshPrincess Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 No this feeling all to well, when nothing else in the world matters when we were together. This now waht makes it soooooooooo hard to forget him. Tried dating, but each time I found myself comparing the person I was with to him and they never even come close to hitting the mark. I'll second that. And I hate that fact that my head is consumed with him when it's unlikely he gives me a second thought now! I just want the feeling to go away......
Onelife Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 I'll second that. And I hate that fact that my head is consumed with him when it's unlikely he gives me a second thought now! I just want the feeling to go away...... Exactly! I hate that fact too that my head is consumed with him, that I am obsessed (sound bad huh?) about him. I feel much better now and it is not as hard as it used to be. But there are days that can still be bad....not as bad as it used to be though. That is a good thing.
Hurt & Alone Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 I'll second that. And I hate that fact that my head is consumed with him when it's unlikely he gives me a second thought now! I just want the feeling to go away...... Knowing that he probably does not think of me and all I do is think of him is a killer. I have been struggling with this for the last two+ months so had a couple of drinks (always gives me courage) and confronted him on this or badgered on it. All I wanted to hear was that he still thinks fondly of me. I have asked him repeatidly to tell me this, but he wouldnt. So on Tuesday he finally did, but now I feel that he was just saying that so that I could put it to rest and leave him alone. I still struggle with the constant memory of him saying he loved/cared for me and that I was not a piece, but I am still trying to convince myself that it couldnt be more than that, otherwise he would not have left be standing alone with all this pain to deal with myself. Oh and he cant understand why I still hurt. Geez, I wonder.
Cliche Posted August 17, 2007 Posted August 17, 2007 This is one of the worst aspects for me. I think about him so much its like a disease eating my brain! It really cheapens the interactions I have with other people because I rarely concentrate for long without him popping into my head. I hate the limbo I go into when he's not around. If I know he's not going to be around, I'm ok. I get on with things, keep busy, keep happy. But its those days "There's a chance I might be able to see you" days. Where I sit around and dont know a time and wait for my summons. Its so sad when I write it down. I really do hope one day I'll just wake up and think "Jeee-sus, get a grip of yourself woman! Ugh. I can so relate. I HATE WHEN I GET LIKE THIS. For 6 months, this was me nearly every moment of every painful day and it was driving me nuts. But you know what, I think it is me and not necessarily the R. Because now that I'm convinced I'm no longer the OW, but the woman in the relationship he's having after his marriage as well, I don't get this way nearly as much anymore (usually once a month ). Do we do this to ourselves? I mean, really, how hard is it to get on with our lives and figure that if he wants to see us, he will find his way whether or not we wait by the phone?
Author RealityCheck Posted August 17, 2007 Author Posted August 17, 2007 Ugh. this was me nearly every moment of every painful day and it was driving me nuts. But you know what, I think it is me and not necessarily the R. Now that's some fine tuning!
frannie Posted August 17, 2007 Posted August 17, 2007 I mean, really, how hard is it to get on with our lives and figure that if he wants to see us, he will find his way whether or not we wait by the phone? Well I think that is the key, really. Making one person the centre of your universe is always a bad plan. You have to have your life first, and be yourself first, and THEN add in the relationship. Of course affairs are bad for time-management... because when he IS available and you're not, you do feel the need to see him otherwise it seems like wasted opportunity. In no time you're cancelling plans in case he's available. But while that's ok in the short term (because you get to see him more) it's actually self-destructive and leads to resentment and that feeling of 'it's always on your terms!'. I think if someone is an OW they owe it to themselves to put themselves first. No one else is going to be able to... so you've got to take care of YOU. Regarding the whole 'boredom inbetween' question... well that's about the same thing. You're wanting other people to make your life fun. Well they can't! Not even if you have them 24-7. That's just too much pressure to put on another person anyway. Get some hobbies! lol.
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