Athlette Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 I remembered this song from Sheryl Crowe and I think it really does apply to me. This past breakup was fairly messy and he was/is the love of my life, but it really doesn't compare much to the breakup I experienced from my first love many years ago. These relationships don't even compare, the past one was almost 3 years whereas the first breakup was only 9 months, but I was thrown into such a deep sadness that first time. This time, I still have some pretty bad pains and all the stages of denial, bargaining, crying, but am doing amazingly better than the first time. The mornings are particularly bad for me when I go through times like this, but I remember not being able to function at all the first time and this time, I wake up and sometimes still can't believe it's happening, but I get out of bed, make some tea, read these posts and am generally ok. Does anyone else feel like it sometimes gets easier after the first true heartbreak?
zebrasan Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 I've actually found the opposite to be true. I've progressively invested more into each successive relationship, that combine with more life experience has made the most recent break-up one of the most painful experiences of my life. That combine with my father and grandmother's death has made the last couple months pretty ****ty. I think the more you devote to a relationship the harder it is when it's over. The relationships that ended that didn't really phase me I was defintiely less emotionally invested. Although again, a lot has happened in the last couple months so it could all just be combined trauma. Who knows...
relearning2breath Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 gosh i hope so. I just had my first real broken heart and the first couple weeks were absolutely horrible. I cant imagine it ever being that rough again. I couldnt function at all. I pray that future break ups dont send me so low as this one did.
Author Athlette Posted August 14, 2007 Author Posted August 14, 2007 relearning2breathe, After my first true heartbreak about 5 years ago, I couldn't function. I went to work like a zombie, but hoped no one would see me because I was always crying. I remember going to the dentist for a checkup and crying the whole time, it was surreal how deeply sad I was. I would cry as I drove, I'd go home from work and sit on the floor of the empty house and bawl. I thought that the furrows in my brow would become permanent. My manager told me that he'd understand if I wanted to go home and take a day off, but I told him that it was better for me to stay at work. I found a breakup recovery website somewhere with a chat room and was in that chat room nonstop. I actually met a good girlfriend on there who I keep in touch with and met in person! Anyway, the memories of how truly awful that time was still stays with me and I still remember how I suffered. He was my first real love and although it wasn't nearly the kind of relationship I had subsequently, it was still my first and thus, it demolished me. This last relationship was and is truly the love of my life. I hope we'll be together again someday, I think we can make it work. But, nothing has come close to taking me down that hard again. I also think that part of it is because I learned how to deal with grief and pain during that first experience, so I knew how to handle it and how to take care of myself in the next times. I knew that everything would eventually be ok, that time does heal, and even though I couldn't believe it at the time, I would find love again, and probably an even greater love. Just take deep breaths, learn as much as you can from what you're going through, and take good care of yourself. You'll be ok....
mspikes Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 I know of the song, but don't really think that the loss of your first love is the worst. I think it all depends on the time, the person, and how much of yourself you invested into that person. The more time, the more investment, the more it hurts when there's no return.
relearning2breath Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 how you felt reminds me a lot of how i did/do. I would go into work and sit at my cubicle and just cry and cry. Ive lost 30 lbs in 3 months (no im not exagerating) and I my appetite is still abysmal. I keep telling myself I'll be ok and somedays I think I will. But today is a bad day. I got my first tattoo...ive been wanting it for a couple years and finally built up the nerve to do it. As I left the shop all I kept thinking was how much I wanted to call him to celebrate and then that feeling of knowing he doesnt care. Oy, why cant I have a emotion off switch?
oddie Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 I agree with you the first time is the hardest, at least it was for me....I think as you grow and you have more relationships, you also grow as a person and have different experiences to fall back on.......I'm not saying that ever becomes easy to go through a breakup, but it might become easier to deal with them, because hopefully you have found out what works for you
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