broknhearted Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 I have been an OW for a little over a year now. My MM is a business man. always flying here or there every week, days or weeks at a time. i'm wondering how many OW on this board have found out they're not the only other women? I read a post earlier that got me thinking, am i just one of many? lol... i know that sounds bad but... if he can lie to his wife, then he can just as easily lie to me. i am pretty confused. i really need to end this thing, we both have a lot to lose from a relationship that can't go any further, me more than him. i have no expectations of it going anywhere, i know he won't leave his wife, i'm attached as well. its pointless for this to go on, but... i'm having a hard time ending it. i guess because he is a sweet guy and i don't want to hurt his feelings and i love him too, and he's said he loves me, its just so sad that we found each other too late in our lives. he has said, i'm the first affair he's had, he is mine as well, i'm just not too sure i'm buying it. he's been traveling like crazy for 20 years or something like that... and i'm the first? maybe i'm just feeling insecure, i don't know... i wish i was strong enough to break it off, i'm just not right now, i don't know how to put it in words for him either, i guess i shouldn't be too worried about hurting him but i am... its tearing me up inside. i guess my one question turned into a venting on my part, lol. any advice would be appreciated. you have all given me a lot of strength to get to where i am now. thank you.
messylady Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 My mm lives and works most of the year in diffrent countries, he is only home maybe 4 times a year, I have to admit I have had the same thought, it would be so easy for him to have several OW's even though he swears I am/was his first and only, mmmm I doubt it
Author broknhearted Posted August 14, 2007 Author Posted August 14, 2007 see... thats what i mean . i guess i will never know either.
Woggle Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 There probably are other women he is giving the same lines to.
Meaplus3 Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 I have been an OW for a little over a year now. My MM is a business man. always flying here or there every week, days or weeks at a time. i'm wondering how many OW on this board have found out they're not the only other women? I read a post earlier that got me thinking, am i just one of many? lol... i know that sounds bad but... if he can lie to his wife, then he can just as easily lie to me. i am pretty confused. i really need to end this thing, we both have a lot to lose from a relationship that can't go any further, me more than him. i have no expectations of it going anywhere, i know he won't leave his wife, i'm attached as well. its pointless for this to go on, but... i'm having a hard time ending it. i guess because he is a sweet guy and i don't want to hurt his feelings and i love him too, and he's said he loves me, its just so sad that we found each other too late in our lives. he has said, i'm the first affair he's had, he is mine as well, i'm just not too sure i'm buying it. he's been traveling like crazy for 20 years or something like that... and i'm the first? maybe i'm just feeling insecure, i don't know... i wish i was strong enough to break it off, i'm just not right now, i don't know how to put it in words for him either, i guess i shouldn't be too worried about hurting him but i am... its tearing me up inside. i guess my one question turned into a venting on my part, lol. any advice would be appreciated. you have all given me a lot of strength to get to where i am now. thank you. Hi, First off I am sorry that your hurting. I believe you do have it right when you say "If he can lie to his W than he can lie to you". I woud have a strong feeling here that you are not his first OW or only. If he's been traveling for 20 some year's and now just all of a sudden your his first OW? You need to break it off and fast. The longer you become involved the more hurt you will cause yourself and possibly other's and it's just not worth it! Best Wishes. AP:)
Author broknhearted Posted August 14, 2007 Author Posted August 14, 2007 *SIGH* I know... i really do need to break this off, after a year, i've finally realized how unhealthy a relationship like this can be. its mentally draining. it's just pointless to have something continue that can never be. even on the off chance it did work somehow... i'd be worried about what he was doing while he was on his 'business trips'. even though i know what i have to do, its still one of the hardest things to do.
Love4Eternity Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 Sorry your hurting I know how that feels it sucks...I agree with everyone else chances are your not the first or the only one. Its heartbreaking to think you are and to find out otherwise so its best to just keep an open mind about this. I understand how you feel though and I know all to well how hard it is to let go, especially when you have found that one special person unfortunatly that special person is capable of hurting you just as much as he is hurting his wife or other women in his life. We all thake a huge chance when being with a mm just as much as they are with being with us. All you can do is do what is best for you and keep yourself in check for what if's...I hope it all works out for you and in your best interest.
Author broknhearted Posted August 14, 2007 Author Posted August 14, 2007 thanks for all your best wishes. its good to know i'm not alone out there with the feelings i have.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 i really need to end this thing, we both have a lot to lose from a relationship that can't go any further, me more than him. i have no expectations of it going anywhere, i know he won't leave his wife, i'm attached as well. its pointless for this to go on, but... i'm having a hard time ending it. Hi broken, I know that your hurting over this MM, but its sounds like thats not your primary relationship. I would recommend switching priorities and fixing whats wrong in Relationship 1, before worrying too much about #2. I say this because your ultimate happiness will be derived from the health of your main relationship. I dont know anything about your circumstances, but I hope that it is something you can fix.
mike7070 Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 Broke, Just tell him....you don't want to have sex anymore. Let's see how strong his "love" is....
whichwayisup Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 guess because he is a sweet guy and i don't want to hurt his feelings You won't hurt his feelings. You'll just hurt his ego. Besides, even if you DO hurt him, so what? He is married, and he's hurting his wife BIG TIME. She just isn't aware of this yet as he's lying and betraying her.
raslers Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 I recently found out I was not the only OW. I found out by accident. My heart was broken. I called him out on it and his answer was that I knew what kind of man he was. This relationship lasted 4 years. I heard all the lines-you are my soul mate, if only we had met at a different time, I would never hurt you, blah blah blah. That's all they are-lines. I have had a lot of trouble pulling away from him. NC is one of the hardest things I have ever done. It's like I've lost a part of me. I am grieving, but I know I can get through this. Read my thread-Confidence and Independence. You will see what's been happening. Try to be strong. Hugs
outofdarkness Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 ALL of his OW's that THEY were the only one, in order to gain their trust...It's not unusual, but it certainly does hurt..
GreenEyedLady Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Well, I am kinda wondering a few things... You are saying that if he could lie to his W, he could lie to you... Yet you are very obviously lying to someone else because you are 'attached"... How do you reconcile that? Expecting him to live up to something that you don't either... And please don't take that as a bash, it's just an observation...
Author broknhearted Posted August 15, 2007 Author Posted August 15, 2007 Well, I am kinda wondering a few things... You are saying that if he could lie to his W, he could lie to you... Yet you are very obviously lying to someone else because you are 'attached"... How do you reconcile that? Expecting him to live up to something that you don't either... And please don't take that as a bash, it's just an observation... I know this and i'm not taking it as a bash:). I guess you always want someone who you love to be honest with you. believe me, i don't feel good about lying either. This is the only place i've ever let my feelings out. I have been dealing with the guilt for some time now. my marriage was very rocky when we started the affair, i really thought i was going to get divorced. then, hubby actually started trying, by then the love i had for him was minimal. since then, he has come a long way, we both have been trying to repair our marriage. i'm not proud of what i've done by any means. i think though... over time... that i've realized that what i have at home is far more reliable than anything i could ever have with MM. It has taken me a long time to realize that, at the same time it's just hard to let go, but i will have to if i want to make my marriage work, and at this point i do.
Author broknhearted Posted August 15, 2007 Author Posted August 15, 2007 Broke, Just tell him....you don't want to have sex anymore. Let's see how strong his "love" is.... hehe, thanks Mike for making me laugh.... this is funny because i've actually thought of telling him that just to see what he would say.
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