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Posted

I never really thought I'd be sharing this on a forum... but i'm all of hope, and I think this might be it... done.. nada.. zip.. Here's the full story

 

My ex gf and I have been going out for 4 years... we broke up the first time about a year and half ago, she said she needed time to be alone, she wanted to know what it was like, that she wanted to do things being single, the first time we broke up, i was massively heartbroken, we were constantly fighting and I guess I was just overwhelming her with trying to figure out why we were fighting soo much, so I guess this soffocated her, felt that she needed some space, and so on... after a week, i drove 4 hours up to another city; and showed up to find her with tears in her eyes, and thats where she asked me back... everything was great! but then we started having discussions, and problems and fights and so on... about 9 months ago, we broke up again... for the same reasons... she felt that she needed to be alone... she never stopped saying she loved me, in spanish, there is "te amo" which is a word that has a lot more meaning than "i love you" in english (sorry but thats just the way it works, i love you in spanish is "te quiero", they just don't mean the same)... her reasons were basically wanting to be alone... she broke up with me... we were both devastated and went our seperate ways for 3 months... I would visit her one day a week, take her to dinner, talk, etc... then we went back together... this was around march of this year.... in july, i leave for a 3 week business trip where I could hardly have any contact with her, whenever i would call she would tell me how much she missed me and also cried a couple of times saying how much she, in fact... missed me... all her e-mails indicated that she loved me, missed me, and couldnt wait till I got back... I finally came back and the day I did, we wouldnt be able to keep our hands off each other... the next day... she breaks up with me... saying that she felt ME different, that she felt different... that things did not feel the same, that when I was away she felt neglected.. and felt that this all had lost something... its been two days and only spoke to her once... i asked her back... i cried to her... i read all the e-mails to her outloud... she is very confused right now, as she has been without a job for 2 months already... this ws a very important job for her, she seems depressed... but however... so I started NC today... she talked to me on MSN and kept saying that this only made her feel worse, i asked her back several times... and her reasons are still the same... she's confused... she feels like she doesnt love me as much... she doesnt know what she wants... she doesnt know where her life is headed... this is the same girl saying that i wsa the love her life a week ago... she's not the playful kind of girl, nor the girl that will say something without meaning it, she's always been very genuine in that sense...

 

I want her back... but I dont know what to do.... (Sorry if this is too long :( )

Posted

A good relationship is about being able to figure your problems out without fighting, whining, pleading or threatening.

If she wants out then she's not going to put her heart to what you need.

I think you both need time away for at least 30 days.

Both of you need to agree no contact in any way or any means for this time period.

Force yourself to be busy and occupy your mind on other tasks. Meanwhile meet(not date) new people. Go out in groups and perhaps take a weekend bicycling group, or other outdoors "FUN" activity.

 

This person is not fulfilling your needs as she's not able to give herself completely.

You need to find out if you can survive alone before you can survive without.

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Posted

Well last night, she told me that "no contact" was just making her feel worse, she told me that she missed me. I would go ahead with the NC, i already know I can be without anyone in my life... i do not NEED her back int omy life... i WANT her back into my life... the other problem is that my city is a very small city... her friends and my friends, are both the same group of friends... so this NC is gonna be very difficult. I'm gonna see how long I can keep NC up... I'm a promoter and always get to meet new people; that might make it easier, however, I feel it'd be fruitless?

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