discoverychannel Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 We broke up for 10 months now. A sweet year and a half together. It was our first love, first time. It was hard breaking up because we were still in love, but I knew that I wasn't getting enough from this relationship. Relationship cannot thrive on chemistry alone. It's so easy to be blinded by love, but after breaking up I realized how i blinded I was by the whole thing. He hooked up with his best friend a month and a half after we broke up. I was sooo surprised because he told me how much he love me when we broke up. We were both crying so hard that day. We both knew it's the best thing to do but I believe that we still loved eachother. It hurts to find out he was already flirting with another girl, paving way for a new relationship, half a month before we broke up. After putting all the pieces together, I know their friendship was not completely platonic. She always liked him and confessed to him shortly after we broke up. He claims he didn't know but how can he not? It hurts to know what was really going on behind the scene. Maybe im thinking too much, or mayb my girl instincts are right. It really puzzled me how he can do that because I know I would not be able to give love to someone else so fast. I keep thinking if they are working out, and if he still misses me. The worst part is... his new gf phoned me 3 times for good hour conversation about her new relationship. Her bragging and telling me how good they are really stabbed me. I know it was really immature of her, but i was even more stupid to put up with it. why did I put up with it? I was curious to know how they were doing. CURIOSITY KILLS THE CAT. HOw can a girl be so evil? I don't know what she was thinking... and i don't understand why he chose such a girl after breaking up with me. Does he have no standards? does it mean he is just another shallow person? She told me so much crap... once second she'd be telling me that he is so over me and that they're so happy together, next second she is telling me that i should stay friends with him. Is she psychotic or what? It makes me laugh that she is immature enough to come brag to me about it, and that my ex is a shallow person that chose such a girl. I don't understand her and I realized I don't understand my ex at all. ... together for so long..just to realize we did not understand eachother at all. I guess I will never realy understand what was going on because I'm not them. He wanted to stay best friends with me, but I insisted on NC. I haven't talked to him for 8 months. It helped me heal faster, but the temptation to contact him again lingers. I will continue to fight it though. THere's really no point. It's been 10 months now.. I am doing a lot better and I am almost over him I think. This is my first time getting over someone, and I don't know what it should be like. I know the feelings are all still there... the hurt... the love... just... not as strong. I don't think you can ever completely forget the feelings, or the memories. But who cares? I'm glad that I chose the healthier way to heal. Atleast now I remember the feeling of loving yourself, your personality, and your life. I'm no longer focusing my energy and time on someone else, but myself and my goals. I know he chose the not as good way to get over me. They make me wonder but I try not to think about it. Because deep inside of me I know that they are a better couple than me. THey always had more to talk about than with me. A part of me really hope they work out, and another part of me hope that they don't. The conflicting emotions of the transition phase are strange. I still think about him but I know I am almost over him. My feelings for him have pretty much died down, even though some still lingers. I really don't care much about him anymore, but seeing him again still hurts me. I feel that i am almost over him... yet I don't really know if I am just fooling myself. The heart is so treacherous.. How would i really know for certain? Anywho... in the long run?? I know i will think back and it will all not matter anymore. So in the meanwhile? Just let time do its job and enjoy the process of growing stronger and becoming a better person. Single and Lovin' it
funkybassplayer Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 You did a very wiase and brave thing that alot of LS's do, and that was to give to yourself after the break-up. Its a very important thing to do to feel your emotions otherwise if you move to some1 else too fast, you will just build up baggage, and your will carry this through with you in your life. You also learn so much during this time that your feeling the emotions, b/c your heart is open, and you are taking in as much as you are putting out, so you mentally grow and become a better person, and one that will know the good and bad in a new relationship. If you can be happy on your own, then you will not have to have a relationship just to make you happy. You wont have to be emotionally dependent or need any one to carry your emotions for you, but you will be open, honest and be able to give real love to a person that is deserving of it, rather than some1 who will just come and take it cos they dont have or have forgotton how to trully love.
Author discoverychannel Posted August 14, 2007 Author Posted August 14, 2007 Thank you for your reply funkybassplayer. i completely agree with everything you said. I think that if one cannot learn to give to themselves and be happy on their own, how can they give love and bring happiness to a relationship? If anything it will only exemplify the insecurities and cause unhappiness. relationships are not a magical potion for happiness, nor a bandage for unhappiness. If it was the divorce rate would not be 50%. I hope people will fight and conquer the temptation of looking to another relationship for short-lived happiness, but to truly work on yourself and love yourself to prepare yourself for a real long-lasting happy relationship. Staying single is great too if you learn to enjoy it! I hope you are doing well too
funkybassplayer Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 You know whats its about, and have recently been the victim of just such a person, and it is hard to get over, b/c they get right into your head, and all you do in the relationship is give and give, and all you take are the brunt of thier crap. It made me learn so much about people, seprerated women (their not divorced cos they are not ready to let them go) and children. She had 3 that were starved of attention. All this took its toll on me, but 4 months on, and i know that there was no way i should have been involved. I was drained both mentally and physically. After she ended it, she met a guy in a week, and barred me from any contact with her or the kids. a horrle thing to be ignored, but im doing better now, and am taking life coching which has made me realise about my situation, and now i know i did do my best, in spite of made to feel like a low life in the end. now i feel good about me, and more confident, and happy as i am. i know she has the same problems that she brought to me and has took them to some1 else, but if he can do better, then i trully am happy for her and the kids, cos i loved her, but i cant forgive her in the cruel way she treated me in the end.
Author discoverychannel Posted August 14, 2007 Author Posted August 14, 2007 sometimes you know exactly why the relationship didn't work and that you deserve someone better, but you still love that person and wish the best for them. I feel this way too. I know he was not a good bf for many reasons, but i still love him for the love he gave me and i really hope he will mature and have a great future. Im glad that you're happy with your self-discovery process and it feels so good to have complete clarity of mind, even though it may be easier to drown in disbelief and distorted memories
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