Can this be the Main Reason why it's hard to find love online???

[DateAnalyzer]

Because everyone on these dating sites has to chose from so many photos that it's impossible to focus on one person. Would anyone agree that's the main problem with online datng? I mean think about, if a woman meets a man in the street, she is not choosing between him and 8 other handsome guys at the same time. But online she maybe attracted to 9 men and has to chose which makes it hard to take online dating seriously. Now I can understand how some men just goes online for sex because it' too risky to try and take a woman seriously off a dating site. This goes for men also.

[solo_flyer]

I only partially agree with your theory. I have been there and done that with online dating. After getting overly frustrated, I ended up using my e-mail credits to interview women about their experiences in dating online and came my own understanding:

 

A good percentage of the guys on the site are overly loud-mouthed but shallow. They fill up womens' inboxes with boatloads of messages. Women with cute pictures get hundreds and hundreds of messages. Dozens every day. And the fact is they don't have time to read and respond to every single one. Women kept complaining again and again about going on tonnes of dates but finding out the guys were just looking for a quick romp in the bedroom. It was very very difficult to find a guy actually interested in actually dating for the purpose of looking for a partner in the proper manner.

 

Lots of guys were just going for a shotgun effect on as many women with cuts pics as possible. Very little thought and just lots of thinking with their penises.

 

When a decent well-intentioned guy comes along, his message will be drowned out by the din of shallow guys who are looking for quick lays.

 

So I think the REAL problem is that datings sites are filled with too many shallow guys, and the small number of decent guys cannot be heard over the din. While it's true that women don't have time to sort through all of it, this is really a symptom and the cause.

[DateAnalyzer]

I only partially agree with your theory. I have been there and done that with online dating. After getting overly frustrated, I ended up using my e-mail credits to interview women about their experiences in dating online and came my own understanding:

 

A good percentage of the guys on the site are overly loud-mouthed but shallow. They fill up womens' inboxes with boatloads of messages. Women with cute pictures get hundreds and hundreds of messages. Dozens every day. And the fact is they don't have time to read and respond to every single one. Women kept complaining again and again about going on tonnes of dates but finding out the guys were just looking for a quick romp in the bedroom. It was very very difficult to find a guy actually interested in actually dating for the purpose of looking for a partner in the proper manner.

 

Lots of guys were just going for a shotgun effect on as many women with cuts pics as possible. Very little thought and just lots of thinking with their penises.

 

When a decent well-intentioned guy comes along, his message will be drowned out by the din of shallow guys who are looking for quick lays.

 

 

So I think the REAL problem is that datings sites are filled with too many shallow guys, and the small number of decent guys cannot be heard over the din. While it's true that women don't have time to sort through all of it, this is really a symptom and the cause.

 

 

 

Well that's why I made the decision to no longer pay for a dating site. It's just not worth it

[underpants]

I don't date on line. I played around with it at one time. Even met one person IRL. I found that they lied about some things. It is like casting a stone in the ocean. IMO.

 

There are rare occurances of it working out but the odds I think are better getting out in your community and local areas. Trying to connect with people who you see here and there. People your friends might know.

 

Get out there DA.

 

Don't ever let me hear about you inviting an online stranger to your house again. This makes my skin crawl.....visions of a bathtub full of ice and saying "hey, where is my kidney?".

[Trialbyfire]

While I've never been on a dating site, the one instance of an online fling/thing that I experienced, has cured me for life. It's too easy to hide your true character or intentions.

[DateAnalyzer]

I don't date on line. I played around with it at one time. Even met one person IRL. I found that they lied about some things. It is like casting a stone in the ocean. IMO.

 

There are rare occurances of it working out but the odds I think are better getting out in your community and local areas. Trying to connect with people who you see here and there. People your friends might know.

 

Get out there DA.

 

Don't ever let me hear about you inviting an online stranger to your house again. This makes my skin crawl.....visions of a bathtub full of ice and saying "hey, where is my kidney?".

 

 

I decided to go back to Telephone dating service which has always been more successful for me in the past. Online Dating is a Joke and I can see why men just look for sex. As far as men going out in public, i'm too shy to walk up to a complete stranger in public and strike a conversation

[solo_flyer]

Don't ever let me hear about you inviting an online stranger to your house again. This makes my skin crawl.....visions of a bathtub full of ice and saying "hey, where is my kidney?".

 

The whole kidney thing is an urban legend.

 

I've had IRL meetings with many women I met online and never once met a psycho or dangerous person. (Not that there aren't dangerous psycho females on internet dating sites, or Nigerian criminals masquerading as women!)

 

Regardless, online dating seems to primarily be for women who aren't actually looking for a man but instead need the emotional boost of having dozens of e-mails popping in their inbox all from guys who want to date them.

 

I agree with your overall message. You meet women in real life, at school, work, volunteering, at the grocery store... not behind a computer screen!

[underpants]

Okay, that might be better, at least it is localish.

 

I still think the random romantic encounter might just surprize you.

 

Of course when you are ready to start our virtual date practice thread I will accept. I am thinking a paragraph of action and a paragraph of thoughts. Oh, that would be so entertaining and enlighting, probably for both of us.

 

God speed DA,

Unders

[Lucky555]

I have never used the online dating sites because i just think that their are a waste of time. However i do think that if you get out there you could be potential people. here is what i suggest if you have the means that is.

 

When i look for a guy i actually look for what they have accomplished and what their goals are in life. I can't believe i have dated guys that live in the moment and don't know where their next job is. If you have a secure job, make money to support yourself, or at least be pursuing a degree..it would make the person that much more appealing. Believe me looks are not everything, the last guy i dated was very attractive but he wasnt going anywhere with is life and he of course is the one who didn't know where his next job was also had a kid to support. So make some girl "friends" even if you just end up becoming friends with a girl its worth it because she could introduce you to more friends. I think its easier for a guy to become friends with a girl than it is for girl to become friends with a guy. Because when one of the girls friends becomes single she will be helping her look for a date. Sometimes girls or guys don't notice the other person right away, you could even become more than friends with your friend.

Other ideas are joining clubs, some bars are ok, um just get out there! Be a gentleman if you are looking for a longterm relationship but dont let a girl run you over either.

[amber1]

Okay, I did the whole online dating thing for about a year...one site I paid for and a couple of others I just joined for free. I'm getting pretty tired of it. Out of the guys on the site I paid for, I only met about 5 IRL. I was very picky with who I met up with and they all seemed to be of quality. I ended up dating one guy for about 4-5 months until it finally crashed and burned. The other guys I met were one date things and nothing progressed (waste of time). I have checked out other dating sites but I just don't know. I would chance meeting someone again from an online dating site but now I've just decided to let fate take it's course instead of looking for someone. The main reason I joined these sites is because I am still fairly new to the area and I'm just not the sort of girl who hangs out at the bars just to meet a man.

[sofakingmad]

Because everyone on these dating sites has to chose from so many photos that it's impossible to focus on one person. Would anyone agree that's the main problem with online datng? I mean think about, if a woman meets a man in the street, she is not choosing between him and 8 other handsome guys at the same time. But online she maybe attracted to 9 men and has to chose which makes it hard to take online dating seriously. Now I can understand how some men just goes online for sex because it' too risky to try and take a woman seriously off a dating site. This goes for men also.

 

that's part of the reason. it's a numbers game. so most women can sit back and pick and choose the cream of the crop so to speak. but as solo said usually the guys are shallow and the nice guys may get a date but it's one and done. if nothing else DA it could be valuable dating experience for you. even if it was many one and dones. but you can't take it personal. you have to press on until you meet your girl.

[amber1]

Because everyone on these dating sites has to chose from so many photos that it's impossible to focus on one person. Would anyone agree that's the main problem with online datng? I mean think about, if a woman meets a man in the street, she is not choosing between him and 8 other handsome guys at the same time. But online she maybe attracted to 9 men and has to chose which makes it hard to take online dating seriously. Now I can understand how some men just goes online for sex because it' too risky to try and take a woman seriously off a dating site. This goes for men also.

 

I think what you bring up is part of the reason why it is hard to find someone online. Another problem is once you DO meet someone from an online dating site and then begin dating them, if they continue to check their profile and keep it active then it can cause the other person to get a little upset.

[DateAnalyzer]

I think what you bring up is part of the reason why it is hard to find someone online. Another problem is once you DO meet someone from an online dating site and then begin dating them, if they continue to check their profile and keep it active then it can cause the other person to get a little upset.

 

So that's why I see online dating services as pointless

[VIP]

I know many people who found their life partners on line. I think it's a good way of finding people, if you can tell a decent person from a player. And you can discuss many things before you actually meet, so you have an idea what the other person is about and what his intentions are.

[allina]

 

Don't ever let me hear about you inviting an online stranger to your house again. This makes my skin crawl.....visions of a bathtub full of ice and saying "hey, where is my kidney?".

 

:laugh: I remember telling a RL friend about having someone from LS over my house, she was shocked and wanted to lecture and I kept saying "it's fine, really, he's from LS!"

 

OP, I think what you're talking about is one of many problems with online dating, however I know so many people who met awesome people on Match that I can't dismiss the possibility.

[Krytellan]

Well DA, based on your previous posts, I'm going to make an asuumption that you are using "free" internet dating sites, right? If that's the case, it is really no represenation of "pay" sites. It's nothing more than glorified porn.

 

You may not have too much luck on the pay sites either, but there is no reason whatsoever to waste your time on free sites.

[cr8sea]

I actually met someone quite interesting on a non-paying site (lavalife considered non-paying??) anyway, i must admit i was very dissapointed after just a week or two of being on the site. Sure i got people talking to me but as some said, just wanted to get some and when they found out i wasnt up for it, they bailed.

Anyway, right when i signed off for good, one of the guys that had talked to me once kept aiming me. I ignored it for a while but he was insistent so i talked to him. We talked a few times for several hours and we decided to meet.

To my surprise he was extremely respectful, to the point that i thought he didnt find me attractive. (didnt try to make a move at all). However he did ask me for another date.

We've been dating for two and a half months, and he hasnt turned out to be a psychotic, sex maniac...He's actually pretty funny, smart and really good looking. SO i guess, i got lucky. We both actually talk about how many weird people are out there in the online world. In fact if we dont work out, i doubt either of us is going to go back to that.

Good luck on that stuff!!

[Krytellan]

To my surprise he was extremely respectful, to the point that i thought he didnt find me attractive. (didnt try to make a move at all). However he did ask me for another date.

 

Are you suggesting that women want men to "make a move" on the first date? Really???

[curiousnycgirl]

I met my bf of 3 years on a dating site and I am fairly certain we will end up married. Granted I had to meet a lot of frogs before meeting him - but overall I think it is a great way to meet assuming you can weed through the crap.

 

I think I dated online for a total of about 4 years, on and off, before meeting my bf. By the time I met him, I was ready for another break - and there he was!

 

I think online dating is just a new form - both in RL and online you need to be discerning. You also need to be ready to decide ok I'll meet for coffee and we'll see. Corresponding a lot via email and instant message is a waste of time IMHO. People are usually not honest online (although some may think they are being truthful) - you need to just bite the bullet after a few emails and meet in person. Form your own opinions rather than allowing them to build false visions of themselves in your head. Each and every time I had long email/instant message correspondences I was disappointed.

 

To tell the truth I have no idea how I would meet anyone if it were not for online dating sites. I am not the type to hook up at a bar and getting set up never worked for me. The people who set me up were generally my parents' friends - and basically they would choose anyone with a pulse!

 

Whatever you choose, good luck.

[Herzen]

:laugh: I remember telling a RL friend about having someone from LS over my house, she was shocked and wanted to lecture and I kept saying "it's fine, really, he's from LS!"

 

OP, I think what you're talking about is one of many problems with online dating, however I know so many people who met awesome people on Match that I can't dismiss the possibility.

 

Everyone's dating experience differs. When I was on Match a couple years ago, I had some enjoyable experiences. Not every woman I met was a rapacious sexual opportunist or gold digger. An I didn't attempt to "boff" every one of my Match dates.

 

There's nothing intrinsic to online dating that brings out the worst in people.Conversely, IRL daters are not "love" superior or more guaranteed of a successful "match." Players exist everywhere--online and offline.

 

Online dating should not be demonized: at bottom, online daters are people, too.

[Trialbyfire]

Everyone's dating experience differs. When I was on Match a couple years ago, I had some enjoyable experiences. Not every woman I met was a rapacious sexual opportunist or gold digger. An I didn't attempt to "boff" every one of my Match dates.

 

There's nothing intrinsic to online dating that brings out the worst in people.Conversely, IRL daters are not "love" superior or more guaranteed of a successful "match." Players exist everywhere--online and offline.

 

Online dating should not be demonized: at bottom, online daters are people, too.

Of course online daters are people but....where there's a concentration of prey, there will always be a concentration of predators. Too many women go to these sites with fluffy, romantic notions, therefore become easy pickings.

 

If you look at LS, it's also a great place for predators due to the weakened emotional state of many of the members.

[StayClose]

A good percentage of the guys on the site are overly loud-mouthed but shallow. They fill up womens' inboxes with boatloads of messages. Women with cute pictures get hundreds and hundreds of messages. Dozens every day. And the fact is they don't have time to read and respond to every single one. Women kept complaining again and again about going on tonnes of dates but finding out the guys were just looking for a quick romp in the bedroom. It was very very difficult to find a guy actually interested in actually dating for the purpose of looking for a partner in the proper manner.

 

Lots of guys were just going for a shotgun effect on as many women with cuts pics as possible. Very little thought and just lots of thinking with their penises.

 

When a decent well-intentioned guy comes along, his message will be drowned out by the din of shallow guys who are looking for quick lays.

 

This is a problem with dating in general. The best single women have lots of guys chasing them, and moost of them are shallow, making it difficult for the well-intentioned guy to be heard through the noise.

 

I believe that the abundance of choices is a disadvantage of online dating - you think that next week you might meet a better person than the one you went on a date with last night.

 

But the disadvantage with meeting people the old-fashioned way for many people is too few choices, it is difficult to meet people outside of your social circle, so many people and up settling because they're afraid they WON'T meet a better person than the one they're currently dating.

[Herzen]

Of course online daters are people but....where there's a concentration of prey, there will always be a concentration of predators. Too many women go to these sites with fluffy, romantic notions, therefore become easy pickings.

 

If you look at LS, it's also a great place for predators due to the weakened emotional state of many of the members.

 

Good points. I do remember, however, dating a woman on Match, who, in her 40's, had over 400 Match dates.

 

Women are not always dating "victims."

 

As for LS predators, I remember a few guys years ago who were accused of hitting on some emotionally vulnerable female Shackers. I'm not aware of anyone, now. But I'm not as Shack-focused as I was in 03'.

 

Anything's possible.

[Trialbyfire]

Good points. I do remember, however, dating a woman on Match, who, in her 40's, had over 400 Match dates.

 

Women are not always dating "victims."

 

As for LS predators, I remember a few guys years ago who were accused of hitting on some emotionally vulnerable female Shackers. I'm not aware of anyone, now. But I'm not as Shack-focused as I was in 03'.

 

Anything's possible.

You would be correct, although I would wonder if a woman had 400 Match dates, whether she was a professional and I don't mean professional dater... A predator none-the-less since there would be men on the online site with fluffy, romantic ideas, as well.

 

Predators come in every gender, shape and form.

[DateAnalyzer]

This is a problem with dating in general. The best single women have lots of guys chasing them, and moost of them are shallow, making it difficult for the well-intentioned guy to be heard through the noise.

 

I believe that the abundance of choices is a disadvantage of online dating - you think that next week you might meet a better person than the one you went on a date with last night.

 

But the disadvantage with meeting people the old-fashioned way for many people is too few choices, it is difficult to meet people outside of your social circle, so many people and up settling because they're afraid they WON'T meet a better person than the one they're currently dating.

 

and that's why i came to the conclusion that i should only go to online dating sites for safe adult fun not love