messylady Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 Hi all, I am sorry I don't post much because I really don't have the words that you all have, but your posts help me so much , I have laughed with you and cried with you when I see some of the similarities (sp?) my sort of ex mm contacts me now and then but I know it is to keep me sweet as he is messing himself incase I tell his wife! some days the pain of all the promises and memories is unbearable... every where I go I am haunted by memories and I just want to sit there and cry, I have tried dating other men and it dont work, all I do is compare.. am so down, I have just about accepted that I will just use men the way I have been used, I never ever thought I would feel this way .. honestly I have always been a decent woman, always done the right thing by everyone, but I am just so dissolusioned by "love" that I have become like Lizzie ( no disrespect cos I admire your courage Lizzie) but I know I am doing it for the wrong reasons, I am trying to fill a gap, my (grown up) kids would disown me because of the way I am behaving now... it's as though I am trying to prove something but i am self destructing.. am sorry this dont make sense even to me I'm just writing it all down here... I feel like someone ripped out my heart and then threw it at me !!! I really don't know how to deal with all this pain
whichwayisup Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 Get some therapy to help you change your ways. Don't become bitter and do what your MM has done to you, to others...Causing people pain due to selfishness and not caring what you do, is just not right....Think of your kids. I know you're in pain, which is why you HAVE to seek counselling. DO NOT let this MM ruin you! He is a piece of crap, so it is best he stays out of your life. Best revenge is living well, NOT telling his wife and getting to the point where you don't care about him PERIOD. Vent, scream, cry...Then do that some more. Just don't let him control you! He isn't worthy of your time, energy or your thoughts..
GreenEyedLady Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 Why don't you try by taking control of your life from here on out? You are making YOURSELF feel this way... Give yourself time to heal and learn to forgive yourself... (((HUGS)))
simplegirl Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 I went through this about 2 years ago. My life was completely out of control. I "defined" myself by my MM and my exH and when they weren't doing right by me I was a mess. I started to use men as sort of a justification but that never leads to anywhere except more heartache, makes you feel terrible. I took a leave of absence from my job then went back and took a demotion to reduce my stress level some. It took me a while to crawl out of that hole but I did and I feel so much stronger now. It wasn't easy. I am sorry you are feeling so bad.
9Lives Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 Hi all, I am sorry I don't post much because I really don't have the words that you all have, but your posts help me so much , I have laughed with you and cried with you when I see some of the similarities (sp?) my sort of ex mm contacts me now and then but I know it is to keep me sweet as he is messing himself incase I tell his wife! some days the pain of all the promises and memories is unbearable... every where I go I am haunted by memories and I just want to sit there and cry, I have tried dating other men and it dont work, all I do is compare.. am so down, I have just about accepted that I will just use men the way I have been used, I never ever thought I would feel this way .. honestly I have always been a decent woman, always done the right thing by everyone, but I am just so dissolusioned by "love" that I have become like Lizzie ( no disrespect cos I admire your courage Lizzie) but I know I am doing it for the wrong reasons, I am trying to fill a gap, my (grown up) kids would disown me because of the way I am behaving now... it's as though I am trying to prove something but i am self destructing.. am sorry this dont make sense even to me I'm just writing it all down here... I feel like someone ripped out my heart and then threw it at me !!! I really don't know how to deal with all this pain You will come out of this. I know it hurts like hell and I know cause I have been there. You need some YOU Time. Be with friends Do whatever you like that is good Dont become like them. You will regret it. His behavior is ugly. Why would you want to be that way.
Woggle Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 I agree those who say get counseling to deal with this. I don't mean this in a hurtful way but unless you realize what you did to get yourself in this situation you will stay depressed and bitter about it. Seek some therapy to understand why you stuck your hand in the piranha tank and walked into a situation that almost always ends up in pain and heartbreak. Also don't take your bitterness out on men who have nothing to do with this situation. I would suggest not even dating until you get your head sorted out.
Author messylady Posted August 14, 2007 Author Posted August 14, 2007 Thank you all for your replies it helps so much... shades I cand get pm's yet .... I do take on board all your advice, and I know I need help of some sort, I am just so miserable, I smoke too much and drink too much, I am on holiday this week with no plans because my friends are not local to me.. I sit in my house and just stare out the window .. I am beginning to hate this place because all I have done here is be sad, I have tried so very very hard to get my life sorted and I can't, I really do not know how I hold my job down because when I come home I am a misery, am just sick of it all, my life just seems to be wall to wall pain because of him and his lies and promises.... thank you all for replying though it means the world to me Hugs x
Shades of Grey Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 ML, I'm so sorry you are feeling so low. I hope you do manage to get some help because I think it would really benefit you. As everyone else has said you need to take control back. Your future is determined only by you. Keep posting here so you can get some support from others who have been through this too. Let me know when you have racked up enough posts to get PM's You will be ok!!! take care x
Borginator Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Its hard to get back up from a situation like this. but imo best way to get over this is to go on a holiday on your own and pamper yourself. feel appreciative on yourself and get the time to reflect and get over things.
Mino Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Thank you all for your replies it helps so much... shades I cand get pm's yet .... I do take on board all your advice, and I know I need help of some sort, I am just so miserable, I smoke too much and drink too much, I am on holiday this week with no plans because my friends are not local to me.. I sit in my house and just stare out the window .. I am beginning to hate this place because all I have done here is be sad, I have tried so very very hard to get my life sorted and I can't, I really do not know how I hold my job down because when I come home I am a misery, am just sick of it all, my life just seems to be wall to wall pain because of him and his lies and promises.... thank you all for replying though it means the world to me Hugs x I could have written this , actually I think I did a few weeks or months ago. I went on meds to get my life back on track, and they helped me get my eyes off the wall. I could stare at it for 3-4 days sometimes, almost lost my job. I made it over the hump, I quit taking them 2 weeks ago, and i feel much beter, good luck, I know its hell, Keep coming to this board, I could not have made it without the help of everybody here!!!((Hugs))) your not alone;)
GreenEyedLady Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Thank you all for your replies it helps so much... shades I cand get pm's yet .... I do take on board all your advice, and I know I need help of some sort, I am just so miserable, I smoke too much and drink too much, I am on holiday this week with no plans because my friends are not local to me.. I sit in my house and just stare out the window .. I am beginning to hate this place because all I have done here is be sad, I have tried so very very hard to get my life sorted and I can't, I really do not know how I hold my job down because when I come home I am a misery, am just sick of it all, my life just seems to be wall to wall pain because of him and his lies and promises.... thank you all for replying though it means the world to me Hugs x Sweetie, you CAN be in control of your life now...Make a conscious choice to ALLOW yourself to feel better... You were someone before him and you will still CONTINUE to be someone now! Make that someone a HAPPY, WELL-ADJUSTED someone! Please go see a doctor and see if they can give you something that will treat the depression...because depression is a chemical imbalance... Don't give up on life, it's too precious...and so are YOU!!!
Author messylady Posted August 15, 2007 Author Posted August 15, 2007 I cant thank you enough for your replies, I know I have to do something to start getting my life back on track, so I have dragged myself out of bed and I am running a bath, then I am going to go see my dad, I really don't want to, the thought of going out makes me want to cry, yet the the thought of spending another day sitting alone has me crying ! Up until this week just reading all the other posts here has helped me so much, I had actually stopped drinking for a few days and cut the smoking right down, this week is hard though, I would always see him for a few days during my holiday and now he does not even bother to time his stay's in this country to coincide with mine,we are still in touch albeit barely, but I know he is just humouring me, I know no contact would be better, right now I just don't feel strong enough, I'm just a mess... ya know I cant even be bothered to do my hair, put make up on, nothing... I should hate this man .. but I cant even do that... thank you all I appreciate you all so much. hugs x
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