Jesika Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 What the hang up is about oral sex.......I know not all have this. My bf used to do this when we first started dating........then it kept getting less and less....till it was a distant memory. Now I am not one of those women that has to have a loooooong oral sex episode.......but don't mind using it as foreplay. I have been asking him for a over a yr what the problem was............FINALLY he told me he just didn't like it. I don't get it cause he says it has nothing to do with me (never does:confused:). I mean I take very good care of myself so I know it can't be that. So WTF??!! False advertizing is what I think. Should I make this an issue?? Our sex life is on the rocks as it is right now so I don't want to add to the problem......but I don't understand the "I just don't like it". Any insite fellas???
youngandhopeful Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 as a guy i personally love it. Call me wierd but you cant beat the feeling when you se your gf wriggle and squirm with pleasure from oral sex. With him saying its not your fault i imagine he is being truthful. Not all men like to give oral, same as you ladies out there. My gf has only ever given me oral once in 9 months, this to some extent has upset me, but i understand that she doesn;t enjoy it, so we make everything else make up for it. You mentioned your sex life is poor, why is this? can we help?
Author Jesika Posted August 14, 2007 Author Posted August 14, 2007 Thank you for responding.......I posted my first thread here about my sex problem. It was titled........Hi I am new here and have a problem......something like that. Ya I get what you are saying about you giving and not getting.......same thing with me .....so I just haven't in a while and it doesn't seem to phase him at all.
Curmudgeon Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 What the hang up is about oral sex.......I know not all have this. Don't have the hang-up, it works both ways and I can't relate to the problem. With the ex it was all give on my part and all take on hers except for rare occasions but I attribute that to her being narcissistic. She HAD to receive everything but gave back very little in return. Guess that makes me one of those who doesn't have the issue. Wish I could help!
monkey00 Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 Some like it and some don't, personally I have no problem with it...a relationship works better when there's a good amount of give and take.
woodsfield Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 Some like it and some don't, personally I have no problem with it...a relationship works better when there's a good amount of give and take. i couldn't agree more! i love giving AND recieving, just depends on the mood of my wife. and there has got to be some on both sides. do you still give??? unforntuantly, some guys loath it (openly), but i really dont ask those kinds of questions with "the boys". someone else said there is nothing better than watch their gf squirm while performing; i have actually gotten myself off twice while doing my wife (in 9+ years); that is how much i love it. has anyone else??
norajane Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 My bf used to do this when we first started dating........then it kept getting less and less....till it was a distant memory. So WTF??!! False advertizing is what I think. Have you asked him why he USED to do it and then stopped? And does this impact your sex life in that you need it to have orgasms? Does he give you orgasms other ways? If this is the only way you can come, then yes, I'd say you have a big problem and do need to get to the bottom of it. Telling you he 'just doesn't like it' does not give you enough information. Is he uncomfortable with the positions, does it make his neck hurt, does he get tired after a certain length of time, does he feel it's 'dirty', does he not like the taste/smell? If he won't tell you why, then you can't do anything about it, does he have some kind of psychological hang-up? If you can orgasm other ways, then you may have to just accept he doesn't like it...IF he is the one you want to be with. Nothing says you have to stay with someone you aren't sexually compatible with.
Krytellan Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 *sigh* I remember those days. There's nothing like it... Shame on him!
Enema Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 As monkey said, some like it some don't. I do, but only when it's freshly showered and not furry.... though "I don't like it" sounds like a bit more of an emphatic "no" without any conditions. Unless a girl did other amazing things for me, it would be a deal breaker.
monkey00 Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 The only major problem I can see for someone not wanting to 'go down there' is if there's a good reason...either that person needs to mow the lawn or get a car freshener. But I mean..hey, to each their own
Author Jesika Posted August 14, 2007 Author Posted August 14, 2007 Thank you all for responding............... Nora.......It is one of the ways I orgasm, but I don't ask him to stay "there" even that long....but sex is (when we actually have any) becoming very unfulfilling on my side. I haven't had the big O in months!! But I am honestly happy if we are just having sex........I can make myself orgasm in a certain postion. I also asked him the same ?'s you were asking.......didn't get me very far, he just shuts down or gets defensive. Enema.............the freshly showered thing I could understand and would have no problem doing that if it made him more comfortable, but he won't talk about it....I guess that is why I am asking the ? here, so maybe I could get some insight on what it could be....besides the things I have already thought myself. I am no spring chicken if you know what I mean . Monkey...........the way you phrased that made me laugh ......but I have no "lawn" and I am very adimit about being clean and "fresh". That is why I don't get it. I have asked him is the the taste? smell? cause it's messy? etc........cause then I could change something or more clearly understand what the problem is. Baffled really is what I am. Just saying I don't like it ,I do agree is not enough info and sounds like a no with no more discussion about it and I don't think that is fair at all. We have been together for 2yrs and it just seems things in the bedroom are getting worse instead of better . I have wondered if he was seeing someone else.......and have investigated to see if this could be a factor......everytime he said he was somewhere ,that is where he was and wasn't around or showing anyone special attention of any kind. *shruggs* just frustrating.
norajane Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 If your sex life is becoming unfulfilling and worse as time goes on, you have to tell him. It's not something you can fix on your own - he needs to be an active participant in your sex life, and he needs to be concerned about your pleasure as well as his. And this is something that will affect your relationship as a couple, not just as sex partners. How can you love and appreciate someone who has no interest in pleasing you?? Your frustration and resentment will grow and will kill any intimacy and goodwill you have with him. If he's not concerned about giving you pleasure, then he's a loser and not worth your time.
Author Jesika Posted August 14, 2007 Author Posted August 14, 2007 Nora..........I completely agree with what you said. I am so fullfilled in everyother aspect of our relationship....except the sex. I have told him the only difference between me being a "roommate" and a gf is the sex part. Which I think isn't taking it too far by saying that. I told him at the end of our 6 month lease if things don't get better I will be moving out. Everytime I bring the subject of sex up to talk to him about it ....I can feel his eyes rolling. I honestly have talked this to death with him and don't know what else to do. I guess that is why I am posting here to make sure I have tried everything or if I was being to demanding of him in some way. His answer to me is he is tired or that I put way to much focus and time into sex. Thank you for taking the time to write your comments......means alot to me...I have noone else to talk to about this, and it is kinda embarassing to tell people your man won't have sex with you.
crjames100 Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 he's too comfortable in the relationship. which isn't a problem - except for the fact that he is indifferent and sexually an... has your desirability changed in anyway? (in reality, in his perception, or in some sort of external comparison) you have to remember, the reason why he used to do is the SAME REASON why guys who do it, like to do it... because it makes their partner happy... besides what's better (for a straight man) than watching a wiggling woman orgasm with slippery "shaking-pleasure".... although she has a very calm temperament, i'm convinced that my wife would murder me if i told her she couldn't get daddy's Hot Love Tongue because i 'suddenly' don't like to do it anymore... to be honest, even if i didn't like to it, i would do it anyway if i meant that much to her... that's how a relationship should be
Missa2126 Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 I pretty much have the same issue with my boyfriend but it actually doesn't bother me all that much anymore. I have done exploring with my body myself and have found ways to pleasure myself so not getting oral sex as much as I want isn't really an issue to me anymore. I would like to say that I never liked giving him oral sex but after him asking for it for a while I finally gave in and seeing how much he enjoys it actually has gotten me to love giving it. I love pleasuring him and now I'll do it without him even asking! He shouldn't be so objective to it b/c like others have said, if it's something that pleases you then he should be willing to do it. (within reason, of course.) But I say just sit down and talk with him and ask him what exactly he doesn't like about it. This is the only way to understand his perspective and the only way for him to really understand yours. Just be honest with each other. Tell him you would be more sexually satisfied if he would at least give it a shot and not just totally turn it down after only doing it a couple times. Who knows, if he actually gives it a chance he could turn out to love it like me!
Author Jesika Posted August 15, 2007 Author Posted August 15, 2007 crjames..........That is the way I see it as well.....I would think that if it was something I like then he would do it because it pleases me, but that doesn't seem to be the case unfortunately. When we first got together I told him I was a VERY sexual person and it would not change in the future. I am very open about this cause it has been a problem in relationships with me in the past. Unlike some I don't want sex less cause I am comfortable........I like it just as often if not more cause this is one of the ways I show my inner most affection. Missa............I am trying to over come a childhood trama so it is very difficult if I can at all.....explore my own body and bring myself pleasure........although I did buy a vibrator last week, something I haven't done in 7yrs. I have talked to him about this and just sex in general not happening often enough (a month and counting) and he just gets mad or defensive. He tells me that telling him he isn't doing what I want him to do doesn't help put him in the mood by tearing him down. I dont' think that is what I am doing at all, but that is the way he sees it. What I have been doing ,which I haven't done before is just not showing affection at all. I am just so tired of getting my hopes up and then nothing happens. Guess I am just protecting myself now. Thank you all for your input.........it means alot to me for you to take the time to respond to my problem. Jes
EYECANDY000 Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 I am a female and I personally dont like giving oral to a guy.. as I am giving my b/f oral , i would distract him for a few seconds and wipe my tongu off, yuck! I only do it to please him.. But I dont get turned on by it and it definately dont get me in the mood for anything except brushing my teeth.. Now receiving, I like to receive, but it doesnt have to be part of four play .
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