bluepoppy Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 I'm in the second year of the best releationship I've ever been in, he's said the same in the past. Although now in the second year, we've started to have the odd fight, a lot of which is just abit of re-adjustment, on both sides - having been very tight as a couple we both have a need to do our own thing sometimes. We both have the same hobby (we're both keen rock-climbers and mountaineers), so often we want to do the same thing, and between training and climbing we spend a lot of time together. He has a good friend that I don't like very much. I find this friend of his to be overly competitive, dismissive and lacking in patience, so I don't enjoy his compnay. My bf and him have a good laugh together though. As a three we had a bad weekend (for me) back in December, where we did a route - I'd been recovering from an injury so was slower - so the day was spent largely with those two going off ahead, and then stopping every now to catch up. What bothered me though was every time I caught up, they stopped talking - and once this had happened the sixth time, I got a bit paranoid - had words with my bf. He did talk to me when we went out to eat, but when we got back to where we were staying, it was the two of them, and I was ignored. I felt by being ignored I was being treated badly, and I'm not one to be treated badly. After that weekend I told my bf I was done, and not to arrange anything with both me and him in the same place. A tension has developed, for reasons I don't get - having his friendship with this guy separate to me is a problem for him. They've had weekend trips together and I've never stopped them doing anything - but my bf sees it as me being difficult by not getting on with his friend. To be honest, because he's given me no indication that anything would be any different if I did let this guy in. Three weeks ago he got very angry about it, pretty much out of nowhere. We did talk, but my bf is not very good at dealing with issues or working on things. So progress needs to be sutble and slow, usually to get my way, I let him think it was his idea;). Anyway - we both booked on a climbing trip for the end of Sept and since we booked he's been working on this friend of his to come with him. He's finally succeeded. Now I'm very clear that the two of them would climb together and there would be other people on the trip but I'm worried about how I'll react if I feel ignored. My first instinct is to go for avoidance and cancel being on the trip. Partly to show I did mean when I said don't put us two together, partly because I don't want the fight that we will have if I feel ignored or treated badly. But of course then I'll be angry because I'll loose out on a trip I wanted to do. I am a little upset because he's nagged this friend of his to come along to do a route, that my bf knows full well that I want to do. My second instict is to book something else, and then a week before tell him. Leaving no room. Third instinct is to book trip up with lots of strong women. The obvious thing of asking him to have a bit of awareness and make sure that as his girlfriend he doesn't ignore me, just sounds too needy that I can't do that. Any ideas ? Am I being unreasonable ?
jcster Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 I don't think you're being unreasonable, but I think it's not a fight you're going to win. Of all the ideas you stated, I think that inviting some people along that you like is the best course of action. That way, if your boyfriend repeats his behavior of the previous trip, at least you have some friends to hang out with. If you don't make this into a power struggle, then your boyfriend might be more receptive to your opinions about his friend in the future.
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