starlite Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 Hi All- I'm new here. 25/f. Been with my bf over 2 years. So, I recently noticed my bf was on myspace looking at local girls pics. Neither of us have our own page, he was on though his bands login and said that there were new people and he was just checking them out (boys too). But...most the boys he looked at are friends of his, while girls are random people we dont know. They were all gorgeous with big boobs (something i dont have). We got in an arguement and he ended up telling me that it was true, there attractivness caught his eye and he just looked at pics. Didnt contact them or read there profile to learn about them...he was just being a guy and looking. How do others feel about this?
directx Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 Sounds like he told the truth It would be different if he started contacting them. And why are women so sensitive about the size of their boobs? I don't think men really care about thie size
Citizen Erased Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 Sounds like he told the truth It would be different if he started contacting them. And why are women so sensitive about the size of their boobs? I don't think men really care about thie size For the same reason men are sensitive about their penis size.
Author starlite Posted August 13, 2007 Author Posted August 13, 2007 Sounds like he told the truth It would be different if he started contacting them. And why are women so sensitive about the size of their boobs? I don't think men really care about thie size Cause...i am very small!!! 32a...and when i see he is picking out these girls with perfect boobs and faces it makes me think "so you pick these girls to look at, yet you say you love my body? this isnt adding up." It's just crappy cause these girls are local girls. I feel ok about myself but not 100% and for some reason, although i know he is a boy and boys will be boys, i want mine to be different. We had also made a decision before we got the internet that the only reason he would go on that site is to change dates for his band...and although this is the first time he has done this (i know cause we share computers)..it makes me angry that he went against his word. He does recognize it was wrong to go against his word but now he wants to get rid of restrictions and be able to do what he wants because he knows he is not disrespecting our relationship. HMMMM!!!!!
annabelle75 Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 We had also made a decision before we got the internet that the only reason he would go on that site is to change dates for his band...and although this is the first time he has done this (i know cause we share computers)..it makes me angry that he went against his word. He does recognize it was wrong to go against his word but now he wants to get rid of restrictions and be able to do what he wants because he knows he is not disrespecting our relationship. HMMMM!!!!! Go back and read what I just bolded. Are you his mother or his girlfriend? Is he not allowed to look at women when he is walking down the street too? If you are so secure with yourself and trust your boyfriend, what is the problem? I think you never should have tried to control his use of the internet in the first place, and now that he has gone against your wishes you're angry that you weren't able to control him. Unless you are looking to cast yourself in to the role of "controling domineering girlfriend" it's time to back down. He didn't do anything wrong. He is an adult and he is allowed tomake his own choices, even if they don't coincide with what you want.
Citizen Erased Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 ditto to what annabelle said. I also recommend you go read the limitless "my boyfriend is looking at porn" threads.
directx Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 Yeah, the local thing could definitely be an issue. Its kind of like he is keeping track of who will be at his show. Do you go to every show he does? Does he ever play out of town? I wonder if he then researches women in the out of town area.
directx Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 Hey, get a hot friend or find some pics of a hot girl and create a phony myspace account and hit on his myspace page HARD. See if he takes the bait!
Author starlite Posted August 13, 2007 Author Posted August 13, 2007 Go back and read what I just bolded. Are you his mother or his girlfriend? Is he not allowed to look at women when he is walking down the street too? If you are so secure with yourself and trust your boyfriend, what is the problem? I think you never should have tried to control his use of the internet in the first place, and now that he has gone against your wishes you're angry that you weren't able to control him. Unless you are looking to cast yourself in to the role of "controling domineering girlfriend" it's time to back down. He didn't do anything wrong. He is an adult and he is allowed tomake his own choices, even if they don't coincide with what you want. You're right. I totally agree with you and it means a lot coming from another female. I do have to stop doing that. We had had an issue with the website in the past (he emailed an ex and lied)...it was quite a while ago...and i guess when we got internet i was just like AH!!!! So, i am going to take your advice on that. Just let go, let him be. I dont want to be the controlling gf. For the most part there is complete trust. But in the past there were lies, and althouh they were small and not anything that should have been lied about in the first place...i hold on to that and worry.
Author starlite Posted August 13, 2007 Author Posted August 13, 2007 Hey, get a hot friend or find some pics of a hot girl and create a phony myspace account and hit on his myspace page HARD. See if he takes the bait! Although that is a great idea...I couldnt do it. The anxiety i would cause myself. YUCK!!!! I cant imagine he would do anything that bad. I have quit snooping. I used to, a lot...and that just lead to extreme anxiety and i would see things and not have the whole story and lead myself to draw my own conclusions. I am insecure, i recognize it and am trying to fix it... So, doing that would just be unproductive, besides...i am not good at just letting things go until i see what happens. Thanks though...it really sounds like a great idea for someone else.
Author starlite Posted August 13, 2007 Author Posted August 13, 2007 Yeah, the local thing could definitely be an issue. Its kind of like he is keeping track of who will be at his show. Do you go to every show he does? Does he ever play out of town? I wonder if he then researches women in the out of town area. Oh and yes, i do go to most of his shows. Not all...but most. I go to the out of town shows as well.
Enema Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 One of the reasons a person cheats is because their partner is too controlling, insecure and jealous. Lucky that's not you or you might have cause for concern down the track.
Carbine Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 Unless you are looking to cast yourself in to the role of "controling domineering girlfriend" it's time to back down. He didn't do anything wrong. He is an adult and he is allowed tomake his own choices, even if they don't coincide with what you want. That's a bit extreme isnt it?? If she insisted on accompanying him every show and attempted to beat off every teenybopper fan who came within speaking distance then she may fall into the category of 'controlling and domineering girlfriend'. But I think his actions are enough to justify her worry. I mean, he made enough of an effort to do a search for attractive girls in his local area which is basically similar to checking out an online dating site. What's the need for that sort of thing when you're already in a relationship?? Why couldn't he have just checked out some random porn site instead? Okay, so he probably isn't going to cheat or anything along those lines. He was most likely fulfilling his curiosity by checking out the local 'talent'. Maybe it doesn't sound that bad, but personally I'd find this very insulting because I'd regard it as him putting the feelers out to see what else's on offer. One of the reasons a person cheats is because their partner is too controlling, insecure and jealous. WTF?! How do you figure that?? So basically what you're saying is that just because someone speaks up about legitimate concerns, and possibly tries to set some reasonable boundries within the relationship, thats justification for their partner to cheat?
annabelle75 Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 One of the reasons a person cheats is because their partner is too controlling, insecure and jealous. Can be very true. I've known men who've cheated because they felt trapped and smothered in their relationships. We have to be careful to not let insecurities take over and not mistake "expecting respect" for control. I've been guilty of this in the past too. If you try to reign a person in too tightly, they often end up breaking free and running for freedom.
Enema Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 So basically what you're saying is that just because someone speaks up about legitimate concerns, and possibly tries to set some reasonable boundries within the relationship, thats justification for their partner to cheat? ... you missed the part of my post where I said too controlling, insecure and jealous. Setting reasonable boundaries and raising legitimate concerns is on the other end of the spectrum and not related to my post.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 Cause...i am very small!!! 32a...and when i see he is picking out these girls with perfect boobs and faces it makes me think "so you pick these girls to look at, yet you say you love my body? this isnt adding up." I just want you to know that guys dont really think like that. The words to explain it kind of escape me now... but just trust me. He isnt wishing you looked like that, and he is probably very attracted to you.
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