DumpED Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 Hey all, So the woman of my dreams(25), the woman who I(27) asked to marry me ended it, we were together for four years, and three months after I proposed she wasn't sure what she wanted. She used the excuse that she wasn't sure who she was, and that she had to love her first, than there was the excuse that she gave 120% and I only gave 80%. Well I went NC for awhile, then did something stupid and emailed her some of the things that I was feeling one gloomy day. After reading almost every post on the site I realize that I should not have broken NC.....but what's done is done. She said that I hadn't contacted her and she was mad about it, and that she left because I didn't try, and here I am proving that again. I'm not sure if she is just stringing me along or what??? But I think that I'm not the one who stopped trying, she was the one that walked away when our relationship was the most stable. Anyway's I'm seeing her tonight but I am confused as to what to do. Part of me wants to wine and dine her and make her feel like a million bucks. And part of me wants to tell her just how she has hurt me and my children and look for some closure. I'm not sure what to do. I do love this woman more that life itself, but not at the expense of my sanity. Anyone have any advice?
daphne Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 Dumped, I'm not sure why you decided to go NC, but in your situation, I can see why she's frustrated with you. You're proving she was right to end it by making \no effort to right the wrong. If she felt like you weren't putting your all into it, she may feel neglected. Although granted, 80% from a man is a lot. She is probably one of the rare ones that was hoping you'd step up to plate and fight for her instead of driving on cruise control like she may have felt you were doing before. In most situations I wouldn't recommend it, but you may want to try to win her back the old fashioned way. Court her again and make her feel needed. If you're patient, you may be able to win her back. If after a while sh'es not receptive, then you can try no contact. But I would exhaust the first possibility first.
datingmum Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 my ex husband had a very small window of opportunity to make things right between us. I wanted romance, flowers, sappy mix-tapes (ok cds whatever) and letters. Like Beth Orton said "I want a boyfriend, letters and sodas". Out of pride, he would not give it to me. 4 months later I met a man that would give me these things and the opportunity for reconciliation was gone. If you do it, at least you know that you did everything. Please pursue this. The worst that can happen is that you feel the same as you do now....
zebrasan Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 After reading it sounds more like it's done an over with. She used the line "she wasn't sure who she was, and that she had to love her first", to me that means she's done, that's just an empty thing to say when you want to break up with someone and you don't know how to do it. Then she told you she gave %120 and you only gave %80, this sounds like she's rationalizing her own guilt. Added to the fact that she got mad at you for not contacting her. She left, the balls in her court. Remember the phone works both ways. You can try to wine and dine her, I doubt it's going to get you what you want. I wish I could give you something more positive. I think you need to walk away.
tinke Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 she sounds young and confused. it is really quite simple, if you love her and want her in your life...go for it with gusto..later is too late to regret not doing so. what is the worst that can happen? at least you will know you had tried.
Author DumpED Posted August 15, 2007 Author Posted August 15, 2007 So we met for coffee and talked about our relationship. She wept and I listened. Then we went to Target so I could pick my daughter up a couple outfits which she really helped me with, and things seemed fine, we were communicating but not anything other than in a friendly manner no touching, hugging, kissing...then we back to my place and just sat at my dinning room table across from each other. She basicly told me that she couldn't date me like she thought she could and that she really values my friendship...etc... So I did the only thing that I could. I told her if there isn't a chance for us than I couldn't communicate with her anymore. If I couldn't work on us, than I have to work on me. I had a list written out of all the negative thoughts that I thought I had to tell her if it ever came to this, but I found myself instead just letting go. I did tell her that I loved her, and then I just spent twenty minutes thanking her for everything she did for me, and everything she did for my children. I didn't want any appreciation on my part to go unsaid. She was that special of a person to me and I had to let her know that. It was pretty emotional but I feel better about it. I sure didn't yesterday but it seemed as I woke this morning that somehow I finally got my closure. I'm sure that I will regress a bit in the future but I suppose that everyday that I wake up is a good day, it's another chance to find that someone who can make me happy and vice versa. I'm sure I'll be posting in the coping forum in the future......Thanks...
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