cewkittylover Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]I am a college student and engaged. I have been with my fiancé for over a year and a half. Because of a scholarship I have to wait over four years to marry him. I can tell that he has lost sexual interest in me. It is not at the same level as it used to be. That is though to be expected and I understand that. He does occasionally look at pornography, and I am ok because it is not an obsession. We played truth or dare one night, and from this I learned that he is extremely sexually attracted to my best friend. He proceeded to ask me questions as whether I would have a "threesome" with her or let him have sex with her. (He has never done anything sexual with another woman, and vise versa... so I somewhat understand the curiosity). During the game he dared me to ask her if she would be ok with that.... It tore me a part. It was never spoken of again. Today I was looking through his history, and found that he was staring at a picture of her in a bikini. I confronted him; he admitted he was looking at her. I feel horrible, ugly, ignored, and most importantly emotionally abused. How am I supposed to marry a man who will be lustfully looking at the bridesmaid more than the bride? Am I overreacting? Has anyone else been in the same position?[/FONT][/COLOR]
Balalaika Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 Can't help but think just how ready for marriage can two people be if they're still playing truth or dare (a bit high-school'ish really)... but anyway.... I'm not sure what you're trying to get a feel for.... it doesn't matter if anyone else thinks you're overreacting, or not, or if anyone else has been in the same position.... you're the one in this and you feel the way you do about it, that's all that counts. Trust yourself. Personally, I don't think you're overreacting. Seems as if he jumped all over the opportunity of the game as a mask to hide behind airing his most conscious and wanton thoughts. Not consideration to you whatsoever. I don't know what else there is to say other than personally I don't think he seems very mature and he certainly doesn't seem ready to be engaged. Do what's right for you.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 1. I can tell that he has lost sexual interest in me. It is not at the same level as it used to be. That is though to be expected and I understand that. 2. I learned that he is extremely sexually attracted to my best friend. He proceeded to ask me questions as whether I would have a "threesome" with her or let him have sex with her. (He has never done anything sexual with another woman, and vise versa... so I somewhat understand the curiosity). During the game he dared me to ask her if she would be ok with that.... It tore me a part. 3. I feel horrible, ugly, ignored, and most importantly emotionally abused. 4. How am I supposed to marry a man who will be lustfully looking at the bridesmaid more than the bride? 1. If he has already lost interest, I'm not certain why you think it would be any better after four years, after you are married, and for years after that. Once someone loses interest like that, it never really comes back. Losing sexual interest is not something that automatically happens in long term relationships. It is unfortunate that you are accepting a fallacy like that simply because you apparently don't want to let this guy go. 2. Once this infatuation wears off, it will transfer to another woman, and another one and so on. What he has lost for you, he is transferring to others and it will continue to be this way for as long as you are with him. 3. I expect you will for as long as you are with him. He may love you in his own way, need you for comfort and security - but he will always be cheating on you on some level: if he doesn't actually cheat on you, he will always be thinking about it. 4. You aren't. I'm not certain why you want to still marry him. He isn't going to magically change when the rings are exchanged.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 Your not over-reacting. It seems like he might be thinking about cheating on you. Your friend is just one girl... there is going to be alot more down the road. Not sure what you can do. Anyone else have an idea?
Shades of Grey Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 I'm not sure how you can still see a future with a man who not only is sexually attracted to your best friend but could not see the hurt it would cause you in admitting it. As for him losing sexual interest in you, it seems like a very early stage in your relationship for you (1 1/2 years) to expect/accept that his feelings in this respect would diminish and does not seem to bode well for your future together. if he is infatuated with another women this soon in your relationship and even before the two of you are married I think Lucrezia and Cobra are right and even if it eventually wears off with no action taken, there will be more. I don't think you should consider marrying a man who is not 100% committed to the fact that he is spending the rest of his life with you and you alone. Not only should he be committed to that but he should be euphoric that this is the case.
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