Grace68 Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 I met the man of my dreams 3 months ago. He treated me just like a princess. We even went on a trip to Mexico last month. The past several months were the happiest I've been since my divorce almost two years ago. He has said on numerous occasions that I'm terrific, fantastic, I make him happier than anyone else ever has, I treat him well, I'm so sweet, etc. The problem? His ex wife decides she wants him back after he starts seeing me. She's an alcoholic, she's on depression meds, and she cheated on him. They were married for almost 20 years and have four kids. Everything was fine until she and her children started after him about getting back together. He has become more and more distant over the past two weeks. Last night he called me and told me he has to give his family a second chance. He believes his ex wife cheated on him and her alcoholism is due to her depression. Now that she's on medication, she and the kids claim she's back to normal. He says he has to give her a second chance to see. He said he is physically ill because I've been so wonderful. He told me not to wait for him because he doesn't know what will happen with his ex wife. I agree. I did that before, and I'm not doing that again. But, just out of curiousity, what do you all think the success rate of them getting back together and staying together will be?
LakesideDream Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 Chances of him staying with his wife are not good. BTW, is she really an "ex" or are they just seperated? There are children involved which makes his decision a difficult if not impossible one. If his wife is depressed, and drunk, the children are not safe. He needs to be there or the kids need to be with him. Three months is a very short time. Even the best Husband has a million things he wished he would have experianced in his marriage. Trips, Cruise, new foods, new entertainment... a million things. Doing those things with a new romantic interest (Mexico trip) is normal for a guy who just broke up. Don't put much stock in that.
Author Grace68 Posted August 13, 2007 Author Posted August 13, 2007 They separated last November. Their divorce should have been final in June, but right when we started dating, she went nuts and started making changes to the decree and they've been going back and forth now for weeks. He told me that she never used to call him and now she calls him constantly about trivial things--even to talk about the weather! As for not experiencing things in his marriage, he did. They traveled the world, ate at all the nice restaurants, took cruises, have a country club membership, the nice cars, houses, etc. Apparently he gave her everything and she did nothing in return. I took him to the airport one day and he told me that that was the nicest thing anyone had done for him in a very long time. That's just insane. Mutual friends have even said she half-heartedly would remember him on birthdays, anniversaries, etc. if at all. I guess my problem is that I don't understand how he can want to make things work with a woman who cheats, drinks constantly, has frequent accidents in her car, leaves her kids alone while she's out partying (they're 16, 13, and 11---the oldest one is 19 and lives somewhere else), she's not interested in sex, and she screams constantly at everyone. I just don't get it! The kids usually are with him, so it's not a matter of him trying to protect them. I'm not going to sit around and wait for him to figure out what a huge mistake this, but I really was just curious as to what everyone thought their chances would be of staying together would be. We're getting together tomorrow for a bit so I can return a few things of his. I'll keep everyone posted on the outcome of that!
VIP Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 You'd be surprised how many men are willing to tolerate abuse, they even consider themselves to be happy in such relationships.
funkybassplayer Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 If theres one thing i ave learned is that to stay away from seperated people. My ex was seperated and would not even talk about divorce, and it made me feel 2nd best, as although she said she was over him, i always felt she was'nt and liked to play mind games woth each other. I lost interest in her i guess and became distant. She ended it, and i miss her and the kids, but i think she was'nt ready to let go. Thats what i mean, unless they are well and truly divorced for like a year, then i think, their are not ready to let go, and there is that chance that they will go back to each other. Your best out of it.
Citizen Erased Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 I would say slim, but the fact they have 4 kids will make him want to keep the marriage going longer then it should, so who knows how long it will take for them to split. Just don't even contemplate waiting around for the result, because you will be second best and you deserve alot better then that.
whichwayisup Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 They have a long history together, kids and now that she is putting effort in to deal with her depression, she deserves a second chance. He is willing to give that to her, for the kids sake, that's a good thing. I know this hurts you but only after knowing him for less than 6 months, let him go...He needs to work on his marriage, and having you in his life, he won't be able to do that.
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