AriaIncognito Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 Some of you might know my story. Off and on with the recent ex for a year. Been NC for 2.5 months now. For the most part, I've accepted that it's over and that I need to move on and find someone new. Here's my question though... Some of my girlfriends who have been single mostly are finding objects of affection and I find myself wishing it were me, and almost jealous of the fact that they seemingly have someone/something and I don't. I want them to be happy and wish nothing but great things for them because they deserve it so much. I guess my question is, how do you get over your own wishes/wants/jealousy when you know that you've been single for only a short time, know you're still healing and in no good place to be seeing someone new anyway, etc. If i were to meet a guy right now it would probably be the worst thing for me because I'm not over the ex yet, so why do I want one so bad?
MagnoliaJane Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 Aria, Whenever I am jealous about what I don't have I remind myself to think about what I do have instead. I've read a few times that you have a great voice. If you ask me, if I would have to choose between a great voice or a boyfriend I'd go for the voice. To have something like that is amazing and special. And music is such a great thing. In fact, it's what is helping me get my life back. I remember again what an important place music played in my life and how it soothes the soul. Who cares about a boyfriend? Girlpower, sister!
Author AriaIncognito Posted August 13, 2007 Author Posted August 13, 2007 Aww, thanks MJ. Someday maybe you'll hear it if you join me and TP for some good old fashioned karaoke hehe. ;-) I don't know. I guess the grass is always greener. My "great voice" doesn't keep me warm at night, you know? I can't talk to it about my problems or share with it my joy in getting a promotion. I'm grateful that I have the talent, and currently am trying to get myself back into using it, but so far, haven't found what I want yet. (read the I'm nervous thread in the water cooler if you didn't hear about my audition this week hehe) I definitely see your point though in that we need to focus on that which we do have and less on that which we don't have. I have a home, i have a cat who gives me love hehe, i have a job and I have great friends and family. I guess I'm just searching for that one missing puzzle piece...
Trialbyfire Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 Wish I had a great voice too. Once in awhile I sing when I'm in the car by myself and a song comes on I like. Even then I try not to move my lips. You have a gift. Enjoy it, especially since you just did that great audition. A warm body is over-rated.
MagnoliaJane Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 Aria, I hear what you say, I really do... but maybe the whole love thing is slightly overrated? Yes, I know how great it is to have that companionship from one attentive partner with whom you can gaze at the sunset together. But let's not forget about little quarrels and misunderstanding and all the compromising and disagreeing over little things that also comes with a relationship. Surely it's not roses 100% of the time... meaning that, right now you can decide to lay around in bed for as long as you like in the weekend, no snoring from hubby, you can even decide to have breakfast in bed if you wish so (oops). I am making fun here, but there are certainly some advantages in being single. Think about those sometimes to. And work on that lovely voice of yours! Hugs
Author AriaIncognito Posted August 13, 2007 Author Posted August 13, 2007 I hear that too, MJ. Esp the snoring thing since I can't sleep at all with a snorer. Sucks. My last bf was totally silent when he slept it was awesome lol. Not sure where he was bred but I need another one like that in the sleep department. I hear you on the laying around in bed all day thing but right now I'm doing it for the wrong reasons. i dont feel motivated to do anything. Like today I basically laid around all day and did nothing. I didn't leave the house. I didn't accomplish anything. I look out the window at all these people that accomplish things with their days and I wonder how they get the want or the energy to do it. i've got a counter full of dishes to do and tons of cleaning to do but can't motivate myself. Sometimes I think that having a messed up house also causes me to feel worse in life. I often wish I could have it all cleaned up at once to be able to sit back and enjoy it and feel what's it's like to not have a chore on my plate, but I also realize that that isn't the reality for a single adult with a full time job these days. We simply dont have the time to "do it all" despite all our good intents. Sometimes I wish I was a different person. A cleaner person LOL. A prettier person. A thinner person. Whatever. Then I suppose if i had those things, I'd want something else. lol
Teacher's Pet Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 Sometimes I wish I was a different person. A cleaner person LOL. A prettier person. A thinner person. Whatever. Then I suppose if i had those things, I'd want something else. lol *jumping up and down* Stop It Stop It STOP IT!!! 1. I've never been to your place, but you do dress nice, so I'm sure you can't be much of a slob. 2. You are gorgeous. Blonde hair, a gorgeous smile, pouty lips, amply endowed, and you have a smackable behind. 3. Bones.... are for dogs, and you aint no bone...and you aint no fat-ass, either! LOL Stop looking for what's "wrong" with you, and appreciate all you have to offer.... Hell, we're not dating and you make me *incredibly* happy just being your #2 Jew (and your #1 singing partner) Imagine how happy you'll make the guy that deserves to be with you. -tp think positive, dammit
loveinlife Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 Aria, looks like im going through a similiar situation. been on and off with my ex for almost 8 months and recently almost 2 months we have been NC. I do feel lonely sometimes and i do believe my ex has found someone; otherwise, i know, with her characteristics that she would not leave me. Am i jealous of my friends having relationships? yes... like you i don't want to get into anything bc its not fair to anyone. Right now, i am trying to sort my feelings, so i don't feel negative being separated from my ex. Life is so short and i noticed that i have wasted so much time to repair myself. I am sad the majority of the day and the thought of her persists. *sigh* gl aria =)
funkybassplayer Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 Hey i never new you had a great voice, go out there and use it. Im a pro bass player, and gigging and music and these boards have been the one thing that has been great, and my bass has been a friend for 25 years! You have a telent which not many do, and if you use that to give and connect with people during a gig or whatever, its the best feeling ever.
Trialbyfire Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 All you talented LS folks should lay down tracks for the same song and someone can mix them.
Rayofsunshine Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 Aria, I understand completely what you are going through! For once all my friends and I are single at the same time. We went to a singles mixer that a local radio station was holding and had a good time. Two of my girlfirends found objects of affection for that night, I met someone to but it was just a friends thing. I felt so down in the dumps b/c even though I'm not ready to move on with someone else I feel like I need too! Then on top of it my friend gets back together with her boyfriend the next day. Now I'm even more jealous/ upset because I wish it was me!
Author AriaIncognito Posted August 13, 2007 Author Posted August 13, 2007 Thanks everyone for your kind words. It was a great way to start the morning after a mostly sleepless night. I was up til 3am watching "big brother 8 after dark" on showtime LOL. Ridiculous. Anyway, I'll respond more amply when I'm not already late for work ;-) I just wanted to thank you all for posting, and keep it coming. It helps to know I'm not alone in these feelings sometimes.
Teacher's Pet Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 Ok, I'll keep it coming. *smack* Who's your SB? You should have called me when you couldn't sleep. I was so pumped up from the class I sat up half the night flipping bottles until my wrists cramped up. As for what my fellow bass-slappin' brethren said, he's completely right. For years, I used comedy to "connect" with people, though of course, you know some of the things I say on stage..... half the time I'm worried that the only connection I'm going to get from the audience is a left hook... but when you have the full attention of 100+ people, laughing so hard they're crying, it's a damned good feeling, much like when you are singing some Pat Benatar and causing room-wide wood. And, FunkyB.....sometimes, my bass has been my good friend too.... and for the last year or so, it's the only G-string I've gotten to finger! (Well, except for A... lol) Anyhow, this was just an excuse to make a bad joke, but I hope it put a smile on your face, Ariawoman....... *pinches cheeks* cuz you are so cute! :) -tp disgusting, yet has his moments.
sao2 Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 Hi Aria, My suggestion, keep in mind this. You are not healed and are kind of in a bad place right now. What kind of man would be attracted to you right now? Probably a co-dependent psycho nightmare or a user who is only after a certain thing. Sorry for the bluntness but when we are not our strongest we are not going to attract someone good for us. Times like these we attract bad situations. That's why I am avoiding them until I feel better.
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