sunnie23 Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 ive been dating this guy for the past two months. things have been amazing...he seemed to be in a bit of a rush but calmed down when i'd let him know i wasn't ready for certain things. anyway he recently told me that he is going through a divorce. i didnt know until i was already falling for him, so it came as a huge surprise. still, i was developing strong feelings and decided to continue seeing him even though in the back of my mind i was worried he was just rebounding (hence his rushing me) well everything had been going amazingly up until last tuesday, when he came to watch me play vball. turns out his ex's new boyfriend is on my team. the whole night he was attached to his phone, text messaging her. the next day, he didnt go to work because he was "sick". he asked me to stop by later that night, and we watched a movie but it wasnt the same. i could tell he was extremely upset about something. on thursday i got a frantic call from him, telling me he needs to cool it with me. that he's freaking because he has such strong feelings, and we got way too serious way too fast. i told him i didnt think we were serious yet...and he said it was the way he felt. he then told me that his ex called him that night and wants him back. i told him it was best if he didnt call me anymore and left. since then, he's called every day. he called on friday and sent a text asking me to call him, and i ignored both. he then called yesterday and finally i answered the phone. he said he needed to talk to me, to convince me that theres nothing going on with his ex, but he is insanely into me and because of hihs situation, he wants to keep things with me casual until his divorce is wrapped up. he wants to keep talking, and seeing one another, but not seriously until he's done with his ex. i told him i understood where he's coming from, and that what he wants isnt enough for me, and that i also dont want to date anyone with all this baggage, and again asked him to stop calling me. he said he'll be calling again tomorrow and its up to me if i answer or not. i am so bummed. i want to be with him, but not right now, not at this time...i cant handle being friends with someone i have feelings with, so talking to him isnt an option. anyone have any advice? is it possible for us to take time off and come together again when this is over? do i believe what he says because he keeps calling or is he just letting me down easily? im super emotional, so i just dont know what to think.
Touche Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 Firstly, I think it's very disrespectful and controlling for him to insist on calling you every day after you've asked him not to. That right there would be a deal-breaker for me. Secondly, if you give in and continue to see him, I guarantee you'll be posting before too long, on the OM/OW thread. So I'd advise against that. It's a no-win situation most likely. Is he still living with his wife? What I would do is exactly what you asked about...take time off with absolutely no contact and tell him that you will only accept his calls AFTER he's taken care of his situation and not a minute before. Be firm on this. I think your instincts on this one are right on. Good luck!
Author sunnie23 Posted August 13, 2007 Author Posted August 13, 2007 no, they dont live together. he was actually talking about me moving in once she was officially gone. and he had been going to the lawyer and had all the papers drawn up, but he told me this week she hadn't inititated anything yet.
Touche Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 no, they dont live together. he was actually talking about me moving in once she was officially gone. and he had been going to the lawyer and had all the papers drawn up, but he told me this week she hadn't inititated anything yet. Well, then he needs to. I just would hate to see you end up in a situation like I read about on those threads. So many times they get back together and then where would that leave you? Until he's legally separated and the divorce is in the works, I wouldn't do anything. Just tell him that and if he wants to be with you badly enough you can bet he'll get things moving. I've been there myself. I was in his position and did move in with my (now) husband before my divorce was final. But my ex and I were legally separated at that point and everything was in place for me to file for divorce.
Trialbyfire Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 I agree with Touche. When a guy wants to cool it but still keep you on a string, it's a big red flag. If you want to leave the door open for the future, tell him to come see you when he filed his official docs.
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