Seperation or not

[4angels]

I have been married 11 years and over those years I have showed my affecion towards my wife in my own ways. I clean the house,take care of the kids,cook most of the meals,and spend as much time with her as possible.I work 12 hour shifts but my time off is for her.I have never been the biggest romantic but lately she has started to argue about that. I have been working on changing by being more loving but the better things I do she meets with sarcasim.She claims Im not being real and im faking my love for her. I would do anything for my wife because she is the world to me. Her and My 4 girls.The harder I try to be what she wants the more she acts separated. I dont want to dred going home after work and I dont want a broken home for my kids but,life is short and I dont know what to do. We have talked about it and she just is not like the woman I married. Is it better to break up the home or just wait till she leaves and deal with it then. She is showing signs of wanting to do other thing and spend time hanging out with out me.So is it better to prepare and just leave so not to be a void in someones life? And If seperation does come how do you tell small children?I believe at 36 life is to short to have so much drama

[Psch1968]

Oh man, I feel for you, as I am going through a similar experience. Difficult to give real comfort - have you tried counselling? All I would say is - don't give up till you know its really what you want, and whatever you do, make sure the kids get as much attention as possible. It'll get worse before it gets better, but the old adage is true - time is a great healer

[Gunny376]

For most men being intimate (without it necessarly leading to sex) and romantic just doesn't come naturaly. The good news it is something that with a little work, studying, self-education on the subject ~ it is a set of skills that can be acqured.

 

Being and doing what you're doing goes a long way ~ but for most women its not enough.

 

What it took to get her, is what it takes to keep her. You've got to date your mate. Unfortunately, most men quit doing "what it to get her" soon after they get married. They get wrapped up in the day to day, the chores, the job, the career, the bills, the children, running helter-skelter to and fro.

 

Goggle "Light Her Fire" a book and program developed by Dr. Ellen Kreidman. The book comes in both hardback and paperback. The program comes on CD and is about $100. There's also a book and program for women titled, "Light His Fire"

 

But if you get both programs don't read her version.

 

Another book by the same author is "How +Can We Light A Fire When The Kids Are Driving Us Crazy?" I'd highly recommend it as well since you've got kids.

 

Another author is Gregory J. P. Godeck author of

 

"Romance 101"

"1001 Ways To Be Romantic"

"1001 More Ways To Be Romantic"

 

All of these have helped me successfully in my relations with women. I've read each (and more five times ~ since human retention is only about 20% ~ thus 5 X's 20% = 100% ~ right?) So much so that my problem now isn't in finding women ~ its getting rid of them if things don't work out for me? (I'm single,)

 

Hint, it lots of little things, that lead to success. Not one hugh big thing once in awhile. Some examples from my last LTR GF.

 

Pick up two roses from the florist. This works especially well, when you have to be up and at them before she does. Just leave them out in the car, (or hidden somewhere where's its cool and they won't wilt) and leave them on your pillow crossed, with a note that says "Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm at work, but I'm thinking of you!"

 

Another? Think about her daily routine. Get some heart shaped post it notes, and leave them hidden where you know she will go. The bathroom inside the medicine cabinet, in her purse, (on top, you don't want to look as though you've been plundering) inside the cabinet where the coffee is, inside the bottom of her coffee/tea cup, etc.

 

Send flowers for no reason to her work. If you can make her female co-workers jealous ~ you get extra points.

 

Put thought into her as an individual and uniquness. My first Valentine with D, I went into the florist. All the other men were in there, buying the standard issues dozen roses. While waiting my turn I was racking my brain as to how to stand out and be "different" and surprise her. When it came my turn, I told the clerk:

 

"I want that wicker basket with the heart shaped handle, filled with Angle's breath and lining, with that bear with the red heart holding that mylar "I love you" ballon in one hand and a single rose in the other, with those heart shaped (blinking XMAS-type) lights wrapped around the handle of the basket!"

 

For six months ~ I could do no wrong! I hads them delivered to her work, (she was/is a school teacher) and all the other teachers and assistants came to running to her room (the principal ~ another woman said all such gifts could not be delivered to individual rooms ~ they had to be delivered to the lounge ~ but she was so impressed? She delivered them herself!)

 

Women are people and individuals! They just want to smile, laugh, have fun, a good time. They want to be proud of the man they're with, and they want other women to envy them for the man they have. They want to be proud of the man their with ~ and say to themselves ~ "Eat your heart out ~ he's mine!"

 

Being romantic? Its not hard? And once you get a couple of ideas in your head, it starts feeding upon itself. You just need to let you immagination flow, and your innovativeness and creativeness will take over. It then becomes infectious ~ and she will start fulfilling your intimacy wants and needs.

 

In the beginning it may be a little hard for you. That's because in the beginning of most anything we humans do ~ requires E=r, in which it requires a great deal of effort that yields little results, but with practice that equation soon beomes e=R, in which very little effort yields a great deal of result!

 

Caution!!!!!

 

This isn't the sum total of all that you need to know! You need to committ yourself to reading a book, listening to a CD etc on something dealing with relationships, marriage, intimacy, seduction, communication, romance, etc every six months. At most this will cost you about $30 a year ~ a damn lot cheaper than a divorce and going to WalMart buying all that crap you've already bought!

 

Worse case? You and the DW go your seperate ways? Who knows? But, at least your azz won't be sitting around the old folks home talking about your first, second, third, and fourth ex-wife!

[butterfly37]

I was just reading through some of the older posts. I noticed that we have some things in common. I am going through a divorce and have 4 daughters as well. I've been going through this for the past 5 years and was wondering if you are still around on LS and also wondering how things are going for you at the moment. Would love to give you some support in regards to what my 4 angels are going through. Mine are 11, 13, 15 and 16. They give me strength and grief everyday. And make me feel alive!