Dawg88 Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 Hello everyone. I must say that this forum is wonderful. It's is very therapeutic. I also want to say that after reading through so many posts this weekend, I understand no contact to mean working on myself as opposed to trying to get my ex back. If that happens, great, if not, oh well, but I need to do NC for my own well being, and I am at peace with that. Here's a quick snapshot of my situation. I would appreciate your pinions, especially those of the ladies. I was seriously involved with a woman, who had two children, for almost two years. The first year was incredible, but then she started to push for marriage. I was not opposed to that, but I wanted to do it when the time was right, and for the right reasons. She, being very needy and somewhat unstable, started to push me away. We broke apart a few times for short periods of time. We got back together early in the summer, but she was struggling with the fact that "I left her" and felt insecure about our relationship, so she asked me to leave. A week later, she texted me that she needed me. I didn't respond. I waited a few more weeks, and when I called, she told me she just started seeing someone else for about a week. She said "they were in love" and cared about each other very much. The next night, she called to hear my voice. The day after, she drove down (we live 35 min apart) to see me for a few hours. And, the next day, she called to have dinner with me. After dinner, she told me that she broke it off with the other guys and that she loved me. We spent a wonderful weekend together, but I could sense she was still struggling and she started to push me away. Finaly, she told me to leave, and she said not to call her, she would call me. I did all the stupid things people do. I called, texted, begged, pleaded, and she just tuned me out. I waited a week, and sent her a massive array of her favorite flowers. Probably a big mistake, but she called me that night to tell me that she loved me. We spent the weekend together again, and it started tout fantastic. But, then I sensed her pulling away again. I want to say she had interest in exploring her options, and she wanted to be with me at the same time to see if it could actually work. She started to make up arguments, and asked me to go again. Aren't I a jerk! I started all over with the calls, emails, texts, begging, and pleading. She answered, finally, and told me that I wasn't the nly one who was miserable, so was she. She also said that she needed time to figure things out. And, she told me that she did love me, but she had doubts about whether or not our relationship could ever be perfect again. I asked if I could call her the next day, and she said yes. I called the next day, but she wouldn't answer. Finally, I flipped. I went off on her voicemail, and I left her a nasty text, which is not characteristic of me. She called back right away. I didn't answer, and she called back 5 minutes later. I thought she was going to let me have it, but she was calm, almost as if she baited me into doing that. She said that she needed time. She said not to call her, and that she would call me. She also said she may come to see one of my games in Nov or Dec (I coach a college sport and she finds me attractive when I am coaching). Then, she said that if she misses me, she will call, if not, then she will not. I waited a few days, and made two blunders. I tried calling and texting again, but she shut me out, then I sent her another gift at the end of the week. This time she didn't answer. Now, I'm committing myself to no contact. I've read all the threads about time/space. Do you think she has lost her love for me? Is no longer interested? Is seeing someone else? Really is confused and does need time? I suppose I'm so confused because so will not say it's over. She tells me that she still loves me, and she may miss me, but I think she's afraid that if we get back together, I will not commit anytime, and she will only get hurt again. Good luck to all. Thanks.
BlueEyedSarah Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 What are you doing? she said give her time and you are blowing it by calling her, texting, sending her gifts, ect. When she said she needs space then let her have space. What you are doing will just push this girl away even more.
Touche Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 In my opinion, this relationship is doomed whether you have contact or not because in my experience, these on again/off again things never, ever work out. It it's meant to be then there is no on again/off again...it's just always on. So I'd move on.
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted August 14, 2007 Posted August 14, 2007 I agree with Touche's post. A relationship with "on again/off again" dynamics is one of the most tortuous ones. It's one thing to give someone personal space and freedom, and another to have to wait for them to regain their fancy to talk to you. Really, it's a lost cause when you have to "hope" for communication with someone.
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