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The line that broke my heart, and made me realise i could not be with her..

Donza

By Donza
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Donza Member

Donza

Posted
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Note: At this club there were two lapdancers on the main stage in full view surrounded by hundreds of men and women. I dont think any sane man could have averted his eyes now and then..

 

"Why were you looking at other girls! Do you know how many guys came up to talk to me. Do you realise i could have been with anyone of them!"

 

This killed whatever love i had for her on that fateful night in a city far away from home.

 

Story: We both had a weekend away, we went clubbing. we exited the club. And she said that to me.

 

It broke my heart.

 

Maybe i should have let it go...

 

But up until then i though we had a good night, not to mention i had driven 200 miles to get to our hotel and i had footed the entire bill for the weekend.

 

I crucified her for saying that...

 

was i justified?

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

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If two sentences can kill your love for someone, better you be apart.

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Donza Member

Donza

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If two sentences can kill your love for someone, better you be apart.

 

It was more than two sentences..

 

"You are on the same level as my freinds and my career. Please remember this"

 

"Do you really think i will give up my freinds for some man who comes into my life"

 

"I dont really want that Gucci wallet. Its the wrong one. Please return it or i'll return it for you"

 

"All i ever wanted was some excitment"

 

"Dont you think the bad times outweighed the good times?"

 

"I dont like this resteraunt - despit the fact a plate of food cost more than 100 pounds nearly"

 

"Why do you wear those crummy clothes - they are not designer"

 

"I only used to go for pretty boys"

 

"I want a range rover not an X5 - They are too common"

 

 

 

Maybe not love then. .

 

But maybe i did not love her enough...

 

Maybe i got sick of all her whining bull**** about money, clothes, cars etc...

 

She never had it so good when she was with me..

johan Established Member

johan

Posted
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I crucified her for saying that...

 

was i justified?

 

I don't know. I think not. Insecurities cause people to do and say things that seem inappropriate, over the top, or even insulting. If you're personally immune to being insecure then you won't understand that. If you aren't immune, then you have to face that part of yourself at least as much as you have to face it in others.

 

On the other hand, if you were so little attached that that's all it took for you to give up, then it's just as well.

 

I think it's lame to think she owed you something for your drive and expense. You did that voluntarily.

sb129 Established Member

sb129

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I think I know her type.....they are the kind of girls that need to get over themselves....London is full of them. High maintenance, low satisfaction.

 

She would have only made you more and more miserable, insecure and broke if you had stayed with her long term.

 

I would have said "Ok then, well off you go find another guy if its going to be that easy- go and make some other poor sod miserable with your superficial bollocks."

 

Well rid mate.

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Donza Member

Donza

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I think I know her type.....they are the kind of girls that need to get over themselves....London is full of them. High maintenance, low satisfaction.

 

She would have only made you more and more miserable, insecure and broke if you had stayed with her long term.

 

I would have said "Ok then, well off you go find another guy if its going to be that easy- go and make some other poor sod miserable with your superficial bollocks."

 

Well rid mate.

 

Superficial...yes i think she was.

 

But what i cant understand is that she is not from London, but from some crummy town in the north of England.

 

Moreover, her sister is the most down-to earth/unmaterlaistic person i have met..

 

She had her good side, and hell we had some really good times.

 

She wanted to marry me, kids the whole thing...

 

Just been a mad mad rollercoaster.

 

She was so insecure. She refused to accept risk in any form in our relationship.

 

I told her numerous times that relationships are risky and neither party can prevent from being hurt if the other person chose to do so...

 

I know i did th right thing, but damn..

 

I wonder if she ever thinks about me..

sb129 Established Member

sb129

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Of course they are not limited to London!! I have just moved here from the North, and I think there just seems to be a higher concentration of them here for some reason.

 

Probably to bag all the rich City boys/ bankers/ international billionaires...;)

The ones in manchester seem to be footballers-wives wannabes.

 

Insecurity plays a huge part in the way she treated you i think.

 

Any self-respecting woman wouldn't be so shallow and nasty. Do unto others and all that.

 

My BF said that if I had said something like that to him i would be out the door...:laugh: but it wouldn't even cross my mind to say something so nasty I know how much it would hurt him.... :love:

fantasyangel Member

fantasyangel

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I wouldn't necessarily say that either side is to blame or did anything wrong...just seems that maybe you two are incompatible. Although some of the things she said may have been harsh and were probably not the right way to say it...I understand some of where she's coming from. Women these days are striving to be more independent and self-sufficient. Too many times girls have made the mistake of uprooting themselves from their friends and lives and careers for a guy...only to have it end, leaving them with nothing.

 

For her what seems to be important are status, friends, and her own sense of self. Just sounds like you two have different values. But yeah, she probably could have brought up these issues in a less hurtful way.

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Donza Member

Donza

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Oh and btw. I even went out partying with her ex-bf once.

 

Her set of mutual freinds all ignored me, even though i made an effort to go out during a house-move. I bought them drinks etc. Not one of them barely spoke to me.

 

This ex-bf of hers. whom she dated for 2 years, cheated on her for 7 months.

 

Yet she still remains freinds with him. I saw him in action. He is a sleazebag..

 

Yet she argued with me over them...

 

Can you believe that she could not understand why i did not like her friends. Erm they all ignored me...

 

Then her ex has the audacity to ring her the next morning and tell her "i'm a great person"

 

To hell with the lot of them.

 

To top it off she had one best-freind whom she made no decision without consulting. She even consulted her about decisions before ringing me.

 

When we were breaking up. She was on the phone to her for over five hours. Whilst i was tryig to salvage it...

 

So much baggage.

 

AND I HAVE TO SEE HER IN THREE MONTHS AT A WEDDING!!!!!!! GAH!!!

Nanachu Member

Nanachu

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what did you say and do to make her say those nasty things? what did you say back after she said the nasty things? I am not saying that you are the only one who needs to be mature and understand where she came from. She certainly needs tons of growing up here. However, we tend to forget what we have done and said to the other party to do something mean.

I have exs talking about their exs having done and said nasty things. They called their exs as a psycho. But, dating some of my exs, I caught several situations made me think "he must have done this to make her angry." not to say you deserve her nasty attitude.

if you have done nothing and she all sudden did those, you should not be around.

the real communication is coming from two trying to understand each other and not to attach, hurt and win.

lindya Established Member

lindya

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Note: At this club there were two lapdancers on the main stage in full view surrounded by hundreds of men and women. I dont think any sane man could have averted his eyes now and then..

 

Was it just a case of not averting your eyes - or were you part of that throng round the stage, leaving your gf on her own in a crowded club, in an unfamiliar city where she didn't know anyone except you? I ask, because you quoted her as saying...

 

"Why were you looking at other girls! Do you know how many guys came up to talk to me. Do you realise i could have been with anyone of them!"

 

This points to her having been sitting on her own and therefore being targeted by guys on the pick-up.

 

This killed whatever love i had for her on that fateful night in a city far away from home.

 

That suggests your feelings were as superficial as you've described this woman as having been.

 

But up until then i though we had a good night, not to mention i had driven 200 miles to get to our hotel and i had footed the entire bill for the weekend.

 

I crucified her for saying that...

 

was i justified?

 

Absolutely. I mean - you paid for the right to crucify her, didn't you? You drove to the hotel, footed the bill and everything....

sb129 Established Member

sb129

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I did actually wonder that myself Lindya- when did these other guys have the opportunity to talk to her?

 

I think if you take your GF to a lapdancing club, the inevitable outcome will be some kind of argument.

 

If men (the predominant clientele) in a lapdancing club see a lone woman, it is highly likely they will move in for the kill....

 

I think the general consensus is that you guys aren't compatible.

 

She doesn't sound like an angel, however, neither do you- a lapdancing club in a foreign city isn't really my idea of a fun night out. Even the most secure of women would probably not be that keen to go to one with their BF.

And if you knew your GF was high maintenance, you probably should have known some kind of sh*t would go down if you went to a club where there are half naked women on show.

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Donza Member

Donza

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I did actually wonder that myself Lindya- when did these other guys have the opportunity to talk to her?

 

I think if you take your GF to a lapdancing club, the inevitable outcome will be some kind of argument.

 

If men (the predominant clientele) in a lapdancing club see a lone woman, it is highly likely they will move in for the kill....

 

I think the general consensus is that you guys aren't compatible.

 

She doesn't sound like an angel, however, neither do you- a lapdancing club in a foreign city isn't really my idea of a fun night out. Even the most secure of women would probably not be that keen to go to one with their BF.

And if you knew your GF was high maintenance, you probably should have known some kind of sh*t would go down if you went to a club where there are half naked women on show.

 

LAPDANCING? LOL

I think not, it was a normal club in London with some podium dancers.

I was wearing a linen blazer. Which i dropped off upstairs at the club. I told her i would be 2 minutes.

When i got back, i saw a few guys trying it on. But thought nothing of it...

That was the only time she was alone. The rest of the night we were dancing..

 

We were at the front of the stage. Thus dancers were in our vision.

LOL, i am a male. If i see two dancers on stage in front of hundreds of people i will glance..

 

Its not like i was trying to shag them..

 

We went to lomdon because her company was holding a party for 1000's of their employess.

 

I was the one who knew no-one.

 

Then she went and ruined the night. Like so many others...

 

Guess we were not compatible..

 

Seeing as she had to earn the £10,000 engagement ring she wanted. Its nto like i was going to give it away like that...

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

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Wow, Donza, I see no respect at all. Once again, it sounds like it's better that the two of you are no longer together.

littlekitty Established Member

littlekitty

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How long were you together? You actually spent £10k on an engagement ring for her? For someone who you could just fall out of love with that quickly?

 

I mean her words weren't nice, and she seems a little preoccupied with status and money, but still. You don't fall out of love with someone over a few harsh words?

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Donza Member

Donza

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How long were you together? You actually spent £10k on an engagement ring for her? For someone who you could just fall out of love with that quickly?

 

I mean her words weren't nice, and she seems a little preoccupied with status and money, but still. You don't fall out of love with someone over a few harsh words?

 

5-6 months...

 

crazy right? She always scolded me for having cold feet...

 

I mean six months in and she wanted to marry me...

 

Anyone would think it was nuts..

 

Never again..

 

Hell, she proposed to me after the second month!

littlekitty Established Member

littlekitty

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Wow... that's quick to get engaged. I can't understand her proposing in the second month and then saying all those things to you?!

 

Did she say all those quotes at the same time, or over a period of time? Did they ever ring warning bells?

 

With all respect, it doesn't sound like any of this was ever a good fit, or right for either of you?

 

Time to move onwards and upwards I'd say.

sb129 Established Member

sb129

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Note: At this club there were two lapdancers on the main stage in full view

 

You can forgive me for thinking it was a lapdancing club.

 

thank you for clarifying that.

 

Anyway, £10K for an engagement ring???!!! You need to read some of the threads on here about that topic.

 

I think its best you two aren't together.

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Donza Member

Donza

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It was the final straw.

 

This is despite the fact she remained friends with her greasy/vile ex-bf who cheated on her for 7 months. I saw him in action on a night out and it was vile...

No respect for women..

 

Moreover, she had countless male friends. I don't have an issue with this. Despite the fact half of them wanted to shag her...

 

Also the fact i had no warning i would be out partying with her ex, and on that night all her male friends ignored me..

 

So glad to be out of there...

 

She did not deserve me..

 

Yet i believe, she think she is justified in calling me a "cock" behind my back and hating me?

 

She is only angry because she thinks I ruined it...which is not the case at all.

 

Her ignorance/insecurity and total disrespect for me ended it.

 

Moreover, its even more complicated.

 

My best friend is marrying her sister. He introduced me and my ex.

 

Both the sisters HATE each other....

 

She wont come back due to fear of losing face. Hell i wont take her back.

sb129 Established Member

sb129

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Of course she is going to be saying bad things behind your back now- it was a R that ended badly, thats what happened. You can't expect her to be singing your praises right now.

 

You shouldn't care what she says or does now- its over.

 

Move on, and use this as an opportunity to re-examine what YOU want out of a R, because even though you are painting her as the villain in this, you aren't perfect either.

You were going along with the idea of getting married to her after two months which is way too soon, and making comments like "she had to earn the £10K the engagement ring"

If you think someone has to "earn" an engagement ring, like its a prize for good behaviour, then the R is doomed.

Reactor Member

Reactor

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Donza, mate. I'll say this first...FORGET HER! Learn from this experience and realise what sort of person you want to spend the rest of your life with. This girl is obviously preoccupied with her career and friends and as result she just wants to have fun.

 

This is just like my ex (minus the fascination with money, clothes and fast cars, she was quite the opposite - hated nice restaurants and me taking her out). She used to say things to me like 'Boyfriends come and go, friends are here forever' or 'I'd give *insert guys name here* a chance to go out with me' And she did this right to my face, and I sat there and listened (because I thought she was venting) but I see now it was wrong of her to say things like that in front of me, even if they weren't meant in a nasty way.

 

Did I ever say things like that to her? Nope. Did I get angry with her sometimes for what she said, yes (and this probably wasn't right, I shouldn't of let it get to me).

 

Don't ask questions like 'Did I love her enough?' to yourself, because honestly you'll never ever know. Love isn't everything, I loved my ex (still do, I'm ashamed to say) but was she right for me? Nope. Because if she was we'd still be together.

 

Another thing, you yourself seem to not be too concerned with this, which makes me think it isn't love, but your pride and wallet which have been damaged, the fact that she took you for a ride as it were. Get over it, it happens to every man/woman, how we rebuild ourselves so it doesn't happen again is the important thing.

 

Finally, you also seem to have rushed things a bit, you don't say how long you were going out before you decided you wanted to get engaged. Everything like that should be natural, ever hear the saying "The quicker you rush into a relationship, the quicker it ends"? My ex and myself did this (or rather she did) even though we said we'd go slow, and now we've broken up. Time is a good teacher after all! Look at this way, you'll know the signs for next time (trust me there will be a next time) and you can cut your losses without causing you any long term pain.

 

Its all a learning experience, all you can do is go with the flow. ;)

PoshPrincess Established Member

PoshPrincess

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It was more than two sentences..

 

"You are on the same level as my freinds and my career. Please remember this"

 

"Do you really think i will give up my freinds for some man who comes into my life"

 

"I dont really want that Gucci wallet. Its the wrong one. Please return it or i'll return it for you"

 

"All i ever wanted was some excitment"

 

"Dont you think the bad times outweighed the good times?"

 

"I dont like this resteraunt - despit the fact a plate of food cost more than 100 pounds nearly"

 

"Why do you wear those crummy clothes - they are not designer"

 

"I only used to go for pretty boys"

 

"I want a range rover not an X5 - They are too common"

 

 

 

Maybe not love then. .

 

But maybe i did not love her enough...

 

Maybe i got sick of all her whining bull**** about money, clothes, cars etc...

 

She never had it so good when she was with me..

 

Sorry, I'm not familiar with your story so far. Is your girlfriend a Lapdancer 'cause if she is, she sounds V much like a girl my friend used to go out with!

 

She sounds like she is ripping the p*ss out of you big time, mate. Do yourself a favour and get out while you can. She wants to control you and use you for your own ends and will eventually do your head in big time and strip you of every bit of self-confidence you have. I'm not preaching - would just hate you to be where my friend is now, because of such a one-sided destructive R.

 

x

PoshPrincess Established Member

PoshPrincess

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Seeing as she had to earn the £10,000 engagement ring she wanted. Its nto like i was going to give it away like that...

 

Jeez Donza, your story is SO familiar. My friend proposed to his GF a couple of months after they'd started going out, with a very expensive R. None of us knew what he was doing with her and could see right through her. As I said, she messed with his head big time. They moved in together (nice penthouse flat) but she was never there. I think she knew she was on to a good thing because he is a very generous guy, but didn't have much experience with women.

 

They eventually split up because of her constant bitching, etc. She begged him to take her back, got him to buy her an expensive pair of designer shoes or something, and then dumped him the next day. Lovely girl. She wasn't from London either - some crummy town in Herts!

 

Not all us London girls are high maintenance, honest! ;)

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