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was ok.,.. and then


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Posted

He broke NC.... and sent me a message saying he was "so sorry". I responded, and then he didnt respond back.

 

And now I am back in f....ing misery.

 

What the hell was "Kirikat, I am so sorry" about..... what????????

 

I wrote him by email, telling him to not do that unless he wants to talk.

 

But I am nearly back to day 1~~!!!!!!

Posted

They say these things to assuage their own conciences, not to make you feel better.

 

If they were less self-centered, or stupid, they'd see their words only hurt you, but they don't.

Posted

Hang in there Kirikat! You are ALMOST to day 1, but you are NOT!

So you are making some progress!

 

Don't forget that.

Posted

Kirikat,

 

I know it sucks a lot to feel like you are back at day 1 because NC was broken, but try to do your best to put it behind you. You asked for him to not contact you again, and so now he is hopefully honoring that request. You handled the contact in the best way you could. You got it, you replied asking that he not contact. You didn't cave and whatnot. Be very proud of yourself as to how strong you are and how far you've come with NC. This is a minor setback and you will see that you will snap back quicker than you think.

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Posted

I DID cave. I responded. He didnt answer. I responded again. He didnt answer. Then I called, once, twice.... his phone was off.... I emailed, no answer.

 

What the hell was it about? 2 weeks, no contact, (his request, because I happen to think no contact is an absolutely sh_tty way for people who care about each other to behave....... I believe to the bottom of my soul that you stay and talk until everyone is on thier feet again......)

 

NOW I am humiliated, because I wanted to believe this was the reopening of negotiation, that he was reaching out or something..... I got my hopes up that we were going to try and talk it all through, and I just feel stupid and crushed.

Posted
What the hell was it about? 2 weeks, no contact, (his request, because I happen to think no contact is an absolutely sh_tty way for people who care about each other to behave....... I believe to the bottom of my soul that you stay and talk until everyone is on thier feet again......)

 

I'm sorry -- I've read a lot of your posts and I feel absolutely horrible for your situation, but I think you need to start screwing your head on straight.

 

No contact IS a ****ty way for two people who care about, but i've read your stories and if this guy was able to leave you cold turkey, he does not care about you. Therefor, NC is the right way in this situation.

 

Want the hard truth? If text messages are going to set you back to day one, you need to contact your service provider and get all texts/calls blocked from him so that this cannot occur again. The only reason you would not do that is because you TRULY do not want to move on (trust me, i've been there).

 

I tell you all this because i've been down the same exact road. You might be telling yourself you dont want anything to do with him, but secretly, within your subconcious mind you are awaiting that call/text/etc as your salvation.

 

When you're finally ready to accept that waiting for that call will only do you worse than better, then you'll be ready to move on with your life.

 

I wish the best for you, I really do. I know how it is and it hurts bad.

 

Goodluck

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Posted

darling, I never said I wanted nothing to do with him. INo contact was not my idea. I left the door open -

 

Why I left him it wasnt because he was bad, it was because he wouldnt get off the fence, and I couldnt stand it anymore. I think I love you was making me miserable. He asked for no contact for time to think.....

 

YES I am hoping for a call, but trying to move on anyway.

Posted
darling, I never said I wanted nothing to do with him. INo contact was not my idea. I left the door open -

 

Why I left him it wasnt because he was bad, it was because he wouldnt get off the fence, and I couldnt stand it anymore. I think I love you was making me miserable. He asked for no contact for time to think.....

 

YES I am hoping for a call, but trying to move on anyway.

 

 

 

Like you i would have loved to stay in touch with my ex and her kids, as i was very close to them, she said she wanted to as well, then a week later and a new man in her life and that was that, never heard nothing since. At first that hurt, but now as the weeks go by, its ok, as i know im moving on too, and she really did have many issues that needed addressing, least of which unfinished marriage buissness, which affected our relationship, so in a way, im glad im out of it, but given the chioce, i would have liked to have been able to say the odd hello, but you never know the future. I read your posts, and i think that this guy was eighter saying sorry as clousure, and nothing more, or he messing with your brain, but for some reason i think it was the first one, so dont try anymore contact. If he wants to be a friend at a later date, he will.

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Posted

Thanks Funky....

 

I doubt it was closure.... I imagine, rather that it was more of his ambivalence. Because, it was his ambivalence that broke this, and the push me pull you nature of this whole thing that has made me seem so unstable..... He just couldnt make up his mind.

 

So I had to make it up for him.

 

As to being friends, he had a year to be my friend. I dont really have much interest in that now, either.

 

Please keep sending me good thoughts, because I have got to pull it together. I have a son, a job, and a million other things that are far more important.

 

I dont know what childhood traumas this whole thing has triggered, but I do know that it is way out of proportion..... I wish I were more like other girls who could just say "bye bye" to something that isnt making them happy enough.

Posted
Thanks Funky....

 

I doubt it was closure.... I imagine, rather that it was more of his ambivalence. Because, it was his ambivalence that broke this, and the push me pull you nature of this whole thing that has made me seem so unstable..... He just couldnt make up his mind.

 

So I had to make it up for him.

 

As to being friends, he had a year to be my friend. I dont really have much interest in that now, either.

 

Please keep sending me good thoughts, because I have got to pull it together. I have a son, a job, and a million other things that are far more important.

 

I dont know what childhood traumas this whole thing has triggered, but I do know that it is way out of proportion..... I wish I were more like other girls who could just say "bye bye" to something that isnt making them happy enough.

 

 

Thats right, i had the same, my break up triggered my dads death that i never grived for, and i knew this as i got so low, that i sought help in the way of a life coach, who has been amazing, and it has helped beyound belife. I have so far had 3 sessions, but it s made me see who i am, and who she was, and my issues, and her's that were many. Things will get better, ,but sometimes we do need a little outside help just to put us back on the right parth. HEr way was to find a new man, mine was to go and face my issues, and its been good. Are you uk based? Since i have done this, i have been in a good state of mind, and things are sort of starting to happen for me. Sometimes the trick is to let go, and let it (whatever it may be) come to you, but in the mean time, keep moving forward.

  • Author
Posted

Hi Funky :)

 

You know, I have been so stable and healthy since moving to Italy, that while all this "childhood" stuff was being triggered during the relationship and since our break up, I sort of forgot about stuff I need to watch out for.

 

In this case, I woke up this morning with a palpitating heart, shortness of breath, etc.... and realized "Hold on here... this has got nothing to do with that boy. This is a panic attack. Damn - my panic disorder got triggered after 5 years without an incident"

 

Once a panic episode is triggered, no amount of reasoning or logic or insight is in any way useful. First, the symptoms must be addressed. I'll be seeing the doctor tomorrow, and finding a massage therapist and an accupuncturist if I can find one.

 

As to the life coach - does yours do distance / phone coaching? If so, can you give me a referral?

 

Bless that boy - for giving me an AFGO. You know what an AFGO is, dont you?

 

Another F*cking Growth Opportunity.

Posted

yes he does do phone coching. If you email me i will pass you his web site. [email protected] thanks

  • Author
Posted

Hey - I sent you a letter, but recieved no response. Did I end up in your spam bin?

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