Kamille Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 lastnight I had a dream that I was with that other guy (his friend). and whenever I did see him or hang out with him, I was kinda attracted to him, so now whenever I'll see him I'll always wonder...like I'd just do it and get it over with, and it would be the last bad scenerio and get it out of my system. I am reallllllly confused because now I'm interested again and I don't know how to feel about this and I'm NOT interested in a relationship with either of them because they are immature and any kind of relationship wouldn't work, I know that, but I'm just curious I guess. CC, you sound conflicted: on the one hand you clearly state in many of your threads that you are looking for a significant other. On the other, you seem to want, and act like you want, to indulge in a phase of sexual experimentation. There is nothing wrong with either but you have to be clear about your goals and what it is that you want and for what reasons you want it or else your life will continue to be the emotional roller coaster ride that it is. If your priority is to go out and have fun and experiment sexually, then you need to stop focusing so much energy on figuring out if the guys you engage with are interested, like you, respect you, etc. If your priority is to find a b-friend, then you need to start projecting an image of yourself as a successful, drama-free, grounded, respectful and respected woman. You also need to start enforcing boundaries with the men who approach you just because they perceive you as sexually promiscuous. Simply put, your behavior needs to match your goal. If I hear you correctly, you are craving a boyfriend. If so, try to look for role models around you of woman who are in successful relationships. You'll see that finding a match is less about sexy-ness and more about personallities meshing together, companionship. In other words, your don't need to be the hottest girl at the party to land a man. What you need is to project beign comfortable with yourself, being funny-but not provocative, easy-going, strong. good luck girl! ps: if my goal was to look for a serious b-friend, I would never engage in casual sexual activity until I was certain that I was in a commited relationship with a guy. ie, even if I wasn't interested in a serious relationship with one perticular guy, I would not have sex with him. You see, your life choices have to reflect your goals through and through.
McFadden Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 You're counseling people and you liken her problems to a cigarette habit? You've got go be kidding! An addiction is an addiction whether its attention or cigarettes or whatnot. I thought most people realized that, and no I was working there not counseling people. You have to have a degree to do that
uniqueone Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 An addiction is an addiction whether its attention or cigarettes or whatnot. I thought most people realized that, and no I was working there not counseling people. You have to have a degree to do that Sorry but not all addictions are the same. Is a cigarette habit due to the patterns of behavior you've learned growing up? No, a cigarette habit is a physiological addiction which then develops psychological aspects. Her "addiction" is not physiological. You stated that you were working at a counseling center and were alluding that you were therefore more of an expert in the matter. However now you're saying that you're not counseling people so what does working at a counseling center have to do with anything that you mentioned it to begin with?
Trialbyfire Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 cc, I think your idea of therapy is a good one. One word of caution about therapy, it is not a cure-all. What it can help to do though, is to provide you with insight as to the behaviours and the triggers for behaviours you don't want to continue repeating. In essence it helps to provide you with coping tools but you will need to do the work, until these behaviours are rerouted to more healthy patterns of behaviour.
Star Gazer Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 I'm not as close to him as my mom. We get along great, but he's a passive kind of dad. WTF?!?!? I read a VERY LONG entry to this...and you edited it?? Why? In essence, CC, your dad didn't show you love. You're now looking for male love from random guys by trying to get their love by being overtly sexual with them too fast, too soon, without any other focus. That's not going to cure those wounds, CC...
Yamaha Posted August 17, 2007 Posted August 17, 2007 last night I had a dream that I was with that other guy (his friend). and whenever I did see him or hang out with him, I was kinda attracted to him, so now whenever I'll see him I'll always wonder...like I'd just do it and get it over with, and it would be the last bad scenario and get it out of my system. I am really confused because now I'm interested again and I don't know how to feel about this and I'm NOT interested in a relationship with either of them because they are immature and any kind of relationship wouldn't work, I know that, but I'm just curious I guess. Are you for real? A guy lets you know he wants sex with you and your curious about what; his sexual prowess? You want to know if he's any good in the sack? Do you see guys as anything but a penis? Do they see you as anything but life support for a p*ssy? Sorry to be so blunt but you seem so immature and so needy in your wanting sexual attention from any guy that you just can't say no. You must be every guys dream in that they tell you your sexy and you just let them lead you right to the bed like your programmed to be there. You need to see yourself as a person with desires, dreams, feelings, goals beyond just sexual desire and then see others in the same light. There is so much more to a relationship with guys than sex but you seem to start and end with this function. Do you see yourself as more than wanting sex? Do you see guys as more than providing you with sex? You need to find out what it is you want from a guy before you can even begin to date and have a relationship with one. I think SG might be correct in that you might have issues with your father and you are filling that loneliness with other guys.
lino Posted August 17, 2007 Posted August 17, 2007 lastnight I had a dream that I was with that other guy (his friend). and whenever I did see him or hang out with him, I was kinda attracted to him, so now whenever I'll see him I'll always wonder...like I'd just do it and get it over with, and it would be the last bad scenerio and get it out of my system. I am reallllllly confused because now I'm interested again and I don't know how to feel about this and I'm NOT interested in a relationship with either of them because they are immature and any kind of relationship wouldn't work, I know that, but I'm just curious I guess. Looks to me you aren't really sure what you want. If you were genuinely offended by these guys asking you for a 3some then why are you thinking of having sex with em? If you do wanna have sex with em then you should go for it but realise that if you do they're just gonna see you as 'pussy on tap.' Sorry if that's abit harsh but I've got mates like the guys you're talking about & that's how they think.
Carbine Posted August 17, 2007 Posted August 17, 2007 Why would a guy I like suggest a 3-some w/me & his friend? - He's a creep, or - He thinks you're easy, or - He's turned on by the idea of a 3-some, or - He thinks "well, I may as well have a shot at it...", or - To get back at you, or - At worst, all of the above
Recommended Posts