chill chic Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 This guy that I like & I know he knows I like him, called me lastnight because he was w/his friend that I had hung out w/ before, like we all hung out together & I'm friends w/him too, but I've spent more time w/the guy I like. Anyway that time that we all hung out, I was kinda drunk & after his friend said something, I mistakingly said "I like you both" then his friend said "lets have a 3-some" but I said no & I was showing more affection to the guy I like. Then not too long ago, I ended up having sex w/the guy I like in his friend's bed! Although, I didn't know it was his bed until he came in that morning & caught us in his bed. And I have a webpage & the guy I like is on my top list, & I just put his friend on it too, since we'll all be playing in a golf tourney soon. Well the guy I like called me lastnight, said that he wanted to be w/me right then, and then he said that his friend was there & that we should all have a 3-some!? I was kinda shocked, but why would he ask me that?? Was he trying to get a reaction from me, to see if I like his friend, or is he being for real? Or do you think his friend suggested it or what?? Please help!?! *This is about 2 guy friends of mine not the guys I had been talking about recently* And yes...the drama never ends with me!!
shadowplay Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 To me the main red flag here is not that he wants a threesome but that he's open to having sex with a guy. Sounds like he is at least bisexual, and probably screwing his "friend" on the side. In my experience "bisexual" guys invariably turn out to be mostly gay, so I'd drop this guy unless you're just interested in a sexual relationship.
shadowplay Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 btw, same or diff guy? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t123607/
sb129 Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 Chillchic, you are right, the drama certainly doesn't end with you! You have had sex with the guy you like, and they both know about it, so they are obviously assuming you are easy. (Note I say assume- doesn't mean that you are). Do you still like the guy? he doesn't sound like a keeper to be honest, he sounds like a creep. If it was me, i wouldn't go near with anyone that was OK with a) me sleeping with their friend at the same time as them or b) sleeping with guys. , but thats just my opinion.
Author chill chic Posted August 12, 2007 Author Posted August 12, 2007 btw, same or diff guy? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t123607/ no different guy, I'll have to find the thread that I had posted about this situation before, when we first started hanging out. yah I couldn't believe it when he said it. I just thought he was mad that I put his friend on my top list, JUST because we are all friends, but I'm not sure if he's mad about that or what. but yes most importantly he suggested him & another dude & me. They pretty much both mentioned to me, just at different times. should I tell him he has some serious making up to do, if he really does like me? We got along great, (the guy I like) we were good friends, and now this?!!
shadowplay Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 it's simple. if you're interested at all in a relationship with him, stay far, far away. if you just want some no-strings sex, maybe stick around but even then there's the danger you'll grow attached and get your feelings hurt. You're safer just forgetting about him.
Author chill chic Posted August 12, 2007 Author Posted August 12, 2007 it's simple. if you're interested at all in a relationship with him, stay far, far away. if you just want some no-strings sex, maybe stick around but even then there's the danger you'll grow attached and get your feelings hurt. You're safer just forgetting about him. yah I WAS interested in a relationship with him, but now's he's given me control to decide not to pursue anything more with him, he just lost out, just honestly, his parents are my parents friends, they all know each other, and it's just sad that it had to come down to what he said to me lastnight, and it hurts my feelings. friends don't let friends do their friends.
Author chill chic Posted August 12, 2007 Author Posted August 12, 2007 do you think his reasoning for saying that was because he's mad that I put his friend on my top list? His friend is at the bottom (he as at the top)so I would think it wouldn't matter, but really that comment came out of nowhere, so that's why I thought it stemmed from that, or he's jealous of his friend from other situations or what. Geezus!!
sb129 Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 This "top friend" business is ridiculous. I don't think it has anything to do with that. I think it has to do with the fact that the guys think you are easy and they both want a piece of the action. I am not saying that I think you are easy, just that THEY may think that. I don't think either of them should be your top friend. Friends don't do stuff like that to eachother. Where DO you find these guys CC??
Yamaha Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 Any guy who would share you with one of his friends does not have any respect for you. He sees you as an easy lay and his friend probably talked him into sharing you (sorry for being so blunt). You need to dump both of these so-called friends and have more respect for yourself. Find a nice guy who likes you for you and wants to have something more meaningful than some 3 way sex. Your man picker is really out of whack.
Trialbyfire Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 This "top friend" business is ridiculous. I don't think it has anything to do with that. I think it has to do with the fact that the guys think you are easy and they both want a piece of the action. I am not saying that I think you are easy, just that THEY may think that. I don't think either of them should be your top friend. Friends don't do stuff like that to eachother. Where DO you find these guys CC?? So very true. If you portray yourself as sexually easy, not that you are, there's no need to get offended if they decide to take you up on your offer. cc, learn to tamp it down a bit. Chill with your clothing selection and innuendo-based flirting.
Author chill chic Posted August 12, 2007 Author Posted August 12, 2007 I just wrote him this message, because it was eating at me and our families are friends, and I don't want to make this situation weird between us, so I felt I had to do this. message to him: I know I heard you right..I understand that you were probably drunk...but honestly that kinda hurt my feelings. yah I took it as a joke at the time, but it kinda made me feel uneasy. for 1, friends don't let friends do their friends and for 2, I diiid like you and I'd rather just do things with you or be JUST kinky with you. I'm a one-guy girl and I would hope that you knew that. I've already told you what I felt about you. But now who knows what you think, but to me, you have some makin' up to do....if you really wanted. just be real with me. you're my good friend, you can tell me anything. as for Drew, he's your friend, and our families are friends, so in a way, I'm Drew's friend. I've never asked him to do anything, I don't talk to him, just messaged him about the golf tournament, yah he's on my top list but that's just it, our families are friends. anyway I don't have to explain it, but it's just what I wanted to say. I'm an honest, loyal & trustworthy girl and when someone questions it, I have room to talk. hope you recovered from last night
shadowplay Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 ^that's a nice, classy message. I'm glad you stood up for yourself.
Author chill chic Posted August 12, 2007 Author Posted August 12, 2007 ^that's a nice, classy message. I'm glad you stood up for yourself. thanks I'm glad I sent that message, it makes me feel really good about myself now
Trialbyfire Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 I just wrote him this message, because it was eating at me and our families are friends, and I don't want to make this situation weird between us, so I felt I had to do this. message to him: I know I heard you right..I understand that you were probably drunk...but honestly that kinda hurt my feelings. yah I took it as a joke at the time, but it kinda made me feel uneasy. for 1, friends don't let friends do their friends and for 2, I diiid like you and I'd rather just do things with you or be JUST kinky with you. I'm a one-guy girl and I would hope that you knew that. I've already told you what I felt about you. But now who knows what you think, but to me, you have some makin' up to do....if you really wanted. just be real with me. you're my good friend, you can tell me anything. as for Drew, he's your friend, and our families are friends, so in a way, I'm Drew's friend. I've never asked him to do anything, I don't talk to him, just messaged him about the golf tournament, yah he's on my top list but that's just it, our families are friends. anyway I don't have to explain it, but it's just what I wanted to say. I'm an honest, loyal & trustworthy girl and when someone questions it, I have room to talk. hope you recovered from last night cc, how much bad behaviour are you willing to put up with, with men? Do you need them so badly that you're willing to take this? Also, how much more frankly sexual discussion can you have with this guy to tell him you're available to get laid, for the asking? Is he your friend or someone you want to nail? Aren't you interested in another guy who has been treating you with more respect? I don't get you. Do you want to continually be treated like a slab of meat or do you honestly want a meaningful relationship with a guy? Is your superficial need to be viewed as hot, for the purposes of self-esteem stroking, more important to you than being viewed with respect?
Author chill chic Posted August 12, 2007 Author Posted August 12, 2007 ^that's a nice, classy message. I'm glad you stood up for yourself. and thanks I couldn't have done it without your help and everyone's help, I appreciate it.
Author chill chic Posted August 12, 2007 Author Posted August 12, 2007 cc, how much bad behaviour are you willing to put up with, with men? Do you need them so badly that you're willing to take this? Also, how much more frankly sexual discussion can you have with this guy to tell him you're available to get laid, for the asking? Is he your friend or someone you want to nail? Aren't you interested in another guy who has been treating you with more respect? I don't get you. Do you want to continually be treated like a slab of meat or do you honestly want a meaningful relationship with a guy? Is your superficial need to be viewed as hot, for the purposes of self-esteem stroking, more important to you than being viewed with respect? In answering your somewhat decent question, he is my friend, not someone just to nail. Yes I am interested in the guy that's giving me respect and sometimes I do get impatient when it comes to guys. They try to play games and I'm soooooo through with the games, I'm happy to be single, but then again, I miss the companionship. And I think so much ego boosting from all different guys, has gone to my head, I will admit that, so I get lost in myself or the perception of myself. It's not easy, and I guess it's not easy for women who are above-average looking to deal with this kind of behavior from guys. I know how to handle it when I'm at the store, or out in public and get sleezy comments or overt attention, but from a guy that I like or used to like, it's hard for me to differentiate how to properly behave, if that makes sense. So...I get confused on how I should portray myself to be. Honestly, if you thinks it's about how I dress, I get the same kind of behavior when I wear jeans and a shirt. This recent incidence I had with this guy, really woke me up to what I need to do to feel better about myself.
Trialbyfire Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 In answering your somewhat decent question, he is my friend, not someone just to nail. Yes I am interested in the guy that's giving me respect and sometimes I do get impatient when it comes to guys. They try to play games and I'm soooooo through with the games, I'm happy to be single, but then again, I miss the companionship. And I think so much ego boosting from all different guys, has gone to my head, I will admit that, so I get lost in myself or the perception of myself. It's not easy, and I guess it's not easy for women who are above-average looking to deal with this kind of behavior from guys. I know how to handle it when I'm at the store, or out in public and get sleezy comments or overt attention, but from a guy that I like or used to like, it's hard for me to differentiate how to properly behave, if that makes sense. So...I get confused on how I should portray myself to be. Honestly, if you thinks it's about how I dress, I get the same kind of behavior when I wear jeans and a shirt. This recent incidence I had with this guy, really woke me up to what I need to do to feel better about myself. It's not what you wear but how you wear it cc and how you move, talk, what you talk about. As for the attention garnered for above-average women, yes, I'm not going to pretend I don't understand this because, simply speaking, I am as well. I get tired of being viewed as a slab of meat and are willing to say so. If someone pulls the sleezeball routines, I shut them down so they understand that this behaviour is unacceptable. You soft sold this guy in order to keep him interested and around. Instead I would have told him in no uncertain terms that while you may have liked him in the past, this type of suggestion is revolting. Use stronger words or your message is that he can continue this type of behaviour and his thought processes surrounding it. In order to get respect from someone who you like, it's a balance of flirtation, fun and serious topics. If you want them to respect your mind, then don't be afraid to show it. No more run on sentence dialogue with discussions about kinky sex with men you barely know. State your intentions clearly. No more flirting with two men at the same time, while you're at a club. The balance is how far to go with sexuality, with someone you are sexually and emotionally interested in. What happens in the bedroom, stays in the bedroom but no more jumping into bed with someone for the purposes of self-esteem. Difficult to do? You bet but it's worth it in the long run, to separate the men from the boys.
norajane Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 I diiid like you and I'd rather just do things with you or be JUST kinky with you. I'm a one-guy girl and I would hope that you knew that. I've already told you what I felt about you. But now who knows what you think, but to me, you have some makin' up to do....if you really wanted. You just offered to be kinky with him. How do you think he's going to take that? You are putting yourself out there as being available for sleaze, and that you aren't nearly mad enough at him for offering a threesome to actually turn him down if he just wanted kinky sex with you. And where does that leave Mr. Wonderful who does respect you and who hasn't asked you for a threesome? You've opened the door to this lowlife guy when you have a great guy who actually likes and respects you?
sb129 Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 Listen to TBF Chillchic. I really wish someone had told me that when I was the same age as you and making the same mistakes. Her advice is sound and sensible. My self esteem took a long time to recover from the battering I put it through by jumping into bed with any guy who showed me the smallest bit of "interest". I still get attention in the street now, and I consider it to be an insult rather than a compliment to my femininity. It is NOT acceptable behaviour, and neither is asking someone to have a threesome. Your message was a step in the right direction, but you are still allowing this guy you like to take control. You have condoned his treatment by giving a little slap on the wrist and basically saying "oh you naughty boy, but you can still get it from me" instead of opening a massive can of whoop ass and telling that guy where he can shove his threesome and any other sexual activity with you from now on. Don't be scared of telling a guy to get lost if you find his behaviour offensive. If he is frightened off, who cares? If he is worth is salt he won't be scared away, and he may even change his ways....
McFadden Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 Why is a three way automatically labeled as the guy is sleazy, he's gay, he doesn't respect her, he's a bad friend, ect? I think its a legitimate question to ask if they're single people and he thought she was kinky and that she liked both of them. I guess it depends if he replies, he should apologize for hurting her feelings but it doesn't seem like he meant to. I don't think people need to be damned by everyone for asking something kinky like that (or saying that she must be doing something wrong to have brought on the situation.)
Trialbyfire Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 Why is a three way automatically labeled as the guy is sleazy, he's gay, he doesn't respect her, he's a bad friend, ect? I think its a legitimate question to ask if they're single people and he thought she was kinky and that she liked both of them. I guess it depends if he replies, he should apologize for hurting her feelings but it doesn't seem like he meant to. I don't think people need to be damned by everyone for asking something kinky like that (or saying that she must be doing something wrong to have brought on the situation.) Have you read the vast majority of cc's threads? I recommend you do. She has an ongoing battle with self-esteem and respect with men. Don't condone sleezebag behaviour because this is not what she wants or needs.
uniqueone Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 Ok, I'm curious. Can you above average women give us some pictures of what you look like when say, going to the store or something? And to the OP, you have a LOT of work to do on yourself and it's going to take more than LS to do it. These guys AREN'T your friends. You're a piece of a$$ to them. That's it. I don't care how they disguise it. They can wrap it up in fancy ribbon and bows but that's still what you are to them. But you: like the attention want to believe they like you for more than that feel desirable and sexy because of their attention it gives you a high and boosts your low self esteem But....knock..knock...knock....what's that nagging noise you're hearing.......that uneasy feeling that you're not being respected.....that feeling that maybe you're being used....... That knocking you're hearing is your GUT feeling. And when someone has low self esteem, they don't know if they should trust their gut feelings or not. They don't trust anything coming from themselves. They tend to only accept what's given to them from other sources...other people. But you know what? Your gut feeling is right! It took me years to find tht out. It's not fooling you. And you might not like what your gut feeling is telling you. That would mean you have to give up the attention, the feeling of being desirable and sexy and the high you're getting. The thing is, it's all false....it's not real attention...they're pretending just to get what they want. And finding all of this out about them is depressing. That's why this is so difficult to face. You have the high you get from their attention vs. the depression you get from finding out that it's all fake. Well why choose the depression, right? It's because of that knocking that you hear....and that knocking is going to get louder and louder until there's no high anymore. And that high is going to turn into a low and one that is far lower than the depression you'd face now if you realized who they really are. As for that MySpace, Facebook or whatever site it was.....meaningless. The scenario you give as a possible cause of his behavior is like saying that your BF asked you if you wanted to get gang banged because he found out you stopped off at McDonalds with your male friends from the gym on the way home from a workout.
Trialbyfire Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 My pic is in my avatar. Like it? Btw, I don't do porn but found it amusing. You'll have to believe me when I say this. I have no need to prove otherwise, although I have posted pics in the past.
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