pandagirl Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 Hello all! New user here, and thank you for anyone who takes the time to read this. So, I will try to keep this story short. Basically, I became friends with a guy at the beginning of the year. We hit it off immediately and became fast, close friends. He had a girlfriend, so the intention of our friendship wasn't for anything more. Then, his gf broke up with him, and he was so heartbroken; I was there for him during this time and it made us a lot closer. He decided to take a soul-searching trip, leaving for three months. At the end of the trip he said he was either going to move back here or elsewhere. I, of course, wanted him to come back, but was also supportive of any decision he wanted to make. Okay, so I guess this is where is hormones come into play (ha!). During this time, I had always had feelings for him. But the true *intent* of my actions, were always to be his friend. Even if there was a chance of us having a romantic relationship, I didn't want to because I valued our friendship more. I told him I had a "crush" on him, before he left; I brought it up very casually, and it wasn't weird at all, and our friendship didn't a miss beat. Now, he is a very nice guy, very friendly, very affectionate. There is no denying we had incredible chemistry and a connection. He told me how he considered me a very close friend, and we've always been very open and honest each other. Since he's been gone, we've been keeping in regular contact. However, I've come to find out that he has MOVED to another city without telling me! I found out through common friends, and I just got an email from him two days ago, with no mention of this move. In fact, flat out lying about it. I'm hurt and confused as to why he is keeping this information from me. It doesn't make sense to me. I know there is no one answer to this, but I would love to hear other peoples' opinions, because I am really dumbfounded as to why he would keep this from me. thanks!
sb129 Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 Firstly Pandagirl, I am sorry to hear about this as you are obviously hurt and confused about this. I can't answer for your friend. Maybe he was too scared to tell you? Maybe he didn't want to hear you trying to talk him out of it? Who knows. I would consider this a breach of trust if you have been in regular contact, it is a pretty big thing not to tell someone. I have recently moved cities and I would have found it difficult not to mention it in conversation as it took over my life for a while! I would politely ask him why he didn't tell you, and leave it at that. if this guy lives elsewhere, and he lied to you about it, is there any point keeping him as a friend?
Author pandagirl Posted August 12, 2007 Author Posted August 12, 2007 thanks for the response, and your kind ear. Yeah, you're right -- I just have to ask him for myself. It's just SO ODD. He talked me through every step of his moving decision making process before. It's actually no surprise to me that he *did* move. Another weird thing: he literally has told everyone. People I know he isn't even very good friends with. Not only that, it's on his myspace and flickr accounts, that he *knows* I will see. I guess you have a point when you say if there is a point in keeping him as a friend. I just... we just had an incredible bond and chemistry, and it's one that I'm not ready to give yet.
sb129 Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 I hope this doesn't sound too harsh, but incredible bonds and chemistry aren't always felt by both parties. If he felt that way about you, do you really think he would have moved away without telling you? I don't want to be mean, just realistic. If you spend time hung up on someone who is not right for you, it wastes the time you could be looking for and spending with someone who IS right for you....
Author pandagirl Posted August 12, 2007 Author Posted August 12, 2007 Not harsh at all! I am almost 100% he feels a bond with me, but who knows, right? He just seems to be contradicting himself a lot. Like, "you are so important to me/i miss you/can't wait to see you again," writing me letters and postcards, and then the deceit. I do need to move on though, and if this situation works itself out, it will. And if not, then another person in the friend graveyard.
Art_Critic Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 However, I've come to find out that he has MOVED to another city without telling me! I think you need to rethink what you want from this guy.. He isn't someone worthy of having a relationship with.. Look at the part I quoted from your OP again.. He MOVED to a another city without telling you.. WTF ??? You need to rethink things.. he isn't interested..
Art_Critic Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 Not harsh at all! I am almost 100% he feels a bond with me, but who knows, right? You could use a date with a bottle of wine and the book " 'He's Just Not That Into You "
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