funkybassplayer Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 You know i was sitting out in the garden in my new sun lounger, and was thinking, no dought i loved my ex, but did i like her as a person?? Omg, i dont think i did! in fact she drove me nuts! How many of you here after they see the ex for what they are would truly say that they acually like the ex as a person!!! ? think about it b4 you answer. no dought you love her/him but did you like?
Aliddy Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 Hi Funky, That is a very good question, and one I have thought about. I did love him, that is without doubt, however, would I chose to have him as a friend.....in all honesty NO.... I think about his moods and sulks, if he could not get his own way, and how, if I am honest, he did not have ANY friends.....How wierd is that... I think sometimes, we become " blinded " by love and made excuses, for what is really quite unacceptable behaviour. If a friend of mine, had acted towards me, in the way, he has, without doubt, that person would no longer, have my resepct, I would have no desire to spend time in their company......and most certianly would not be considered a friend !!!
Woggle Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 Not at all. In fact I am getting a restraining order for when she gets out of prison.
Author funkybassplayer Posted August 12, 2007 Author Posted August 12, 2007 Hi Funky, That is a very good question, and one I have thought about. I did love him, that is without doubt, however, would I chose to have him as a friend.....in all honesty NO.... I think about his moods and sulks, if he could not get his own way, and how, if I am honest, he did not have ANY friends.....How wierd is that... I think sometimes, we become " blinded " by love and made excuses, for what is really quite unacceptable behaviour. If a friend of mine, had acted towards me, in the way, he has, without doubt, that person would no longer, have my resepct, I would have no desire to spend time in their company......and most certianly would not be considered a friend !!! Ditto, i would have told my ex to go to hell ages ago if we were just friends!! Every1 i know treats me with respect, but she never! I think that this is a very good point in that ok love one thing, but likeing them is just as or if not more important than love, and if you really look into this, it will help you move on.
sao2 Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 Yes, I both loved and liked my ex. In fact that is what makes it hard to let go. I really not only liked her, but I admire her. She has alot of great qualities. At the same time, though I realize that she was unable to give to the relationship. The dynamic was screwed up between us and for that reason it had to end. If it would have continued the way it was I would have been unhappy for a long time. Not because she was a bad person, but because she was unable or unwilling to truly be with me the way I expected.
kirikat Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 Yes, I both loved and liked my ex. In fact that is what makes it hard to let go. I really not only liked her, but I admire her. She has alot of great qualities. At the same time, though I realize that she was unable to give to the relationship. The dynamic was screwed up between us and for that reason it had to end. If it would have continued the way it was I would have been unhappy for a long time. Not because she was a bad person, but because she was unable or unwilling to truly be with me the way I expected. Yeah... I actually do like my ex. But.... he is way different than anyone I had ever been with, or would be freinds with. Not bookish, not a big brain, into sports and metal. I took him to his first "grown up" events....
amaysngrace Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 I like certain things about my exH. But I think I like him more now that we've both grown up some. We were too young to try to be married and we both brought bad things into our relationship. But there are definite things I dislike about him too. And I guess they outweighed the good. Sometimes I even miss certain things we use to do together. But I don't miss him enough to want him back in my life. He'd get on my nerves, as I would his. Do I love him? He's the father of my children. How could I not?
alpha70 Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 This makes a lot of sense. I think you are right on. How can I be with someone that doesn't show me the respect I deserve? Who is only into her needs being met and into her drama. I know I'll look back on this and realized what everyone else is telling me....she's NOT a nice person. If you let someone walk all over you they will.....if you don't, they can't. I'm only 1 day into NC, so I'm a mess right now. I have a list of pros and cons.....the sex and her beauty were like a drug for me....almost everything else was on the CONS list....a very long list indeed. I need to think of all that junk instead. KC
LikeNoOther Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 I loved my previous ex and I like him. He's a great guy and whoever he ends up with next is going to be one lucky woman!! Believe it or not (most ppl I know couldn't), we're best friends. We tell each other stuff and it's fun. The ex way before my previous ex... when I think about it, I have no idea why I got myself involved with him! He was and I'm sure still is a loser. After all the things my family did for him, he had the guts to put them down - in front of me! On top of that, when I went to see him to break it off for good - he tried to rape me!! Oh yeah, he was also still seeing his ex-gf (which apparently at that time was HIS gf - I was the other woman!) at the same time he was dating me. I was very naive or maybe I was just too tired with all the emotional abuse he was putting me through. Boy, am I glad I was out of it for good and met someone better and now, I met someone EVEN better!!!
sb129 Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 A couple of my exes are great guys who i am still friends with. I think the problem with them was that I LIKED them alot, but didn't LOVE them. My most recent ex I neither loved, or LIKED very much in the end. NC is easy.. My current BF is fast becoming one of my top buddies. I LIKE him alot, he is a great person to hang out with. And I LOVE him because he treats me like a queen.
Hurt & Alone Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 I love and hate my ex-h. Although, I am genuinly concerned for him because we have a child together and his health I worry greatly about. I hate him because he chose the bottle over our family and then flew 15,000 miles away so his child does not get to see him. He was a great man for the most part as long as he was not drinking. Rarely happend though. As far as my xmm. I love him more than I have any other man I had been involved romantically with. I dont like the way he is now, or before the rel at work but he was wonderful outside of work. Cant say that know though, he probably is still a good person outside of work but I will never know.
frd150 Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 I both loved and liked my ex. We started out as friends way before it turned into anything. Our love grew from that like phase . There were things she did that bothered me but not enough to dislike her. Now if i had met her in her current state things woud be different. I still love her but I do not like the person shes become. Its not her, shes being a puppet. I know the real her.
Author funkybassplayer Posted August 12, 2007 Author Posted August 12, 2007 HEy Frd, hope your good. If im honest and after thinking about it i guess i like her, even though she drove me nuts!!
raidsniffer Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 its funny how such little words have such a big affect on a relationship...i guess it answers the questions of why it ended? they liked me but didn't really love me? i guess...? and that I really liked them, wanted to love them, but their personalities wouldn't allow me to love them. is there such a thing as love knowadays? it bottles the mind.
Curmudgeon Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 ...and likely didn't for the last half of the 25-year marriage. At the same time, I did love her but I have to think a lot of that was habbit and commitment rather than true emotion. Now, 13 years post-divorce, I am totally indifferent to her and would be perfectly happy never seeing or speaking to her again (all our children are adults). Unfortunately, she lives with my youngest son and his wife and they're expecting their first child so it's inevitable that our paths will cross in the near future.
CrazyPanda Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 i loved and liked her. the only thing bad i realize when i thought back in our relationship is that she was unwilling to go the extra mile for me. I always planned nights, went out and bought her things without her knowing, compromise with what she wanted and any of her complaints. However, she never did the same for me. I loved her but if she was unwilling to even compromise with me, then she never loved me like she said.
Citizen Erased Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 When I see my ex now when I go out with friends, I always wonder "what the hell was I thinking?" He is very quiet, doesn't watch sports (I am BIG on sport), his music tastes are terrible (who likes Good Charlotte? ) and just in general we had nothing in common. Yet he was jealous and possessive when others weren't around, his mother was the 3rd person in our relationship (and we were only like 17, I shudder to think what she would be like to the woman he eventually marries) and he never liked me being friends with any males. Damn I love my bf even more now
Trialbyfire Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 My ex-H and I are now friends again. While I think I'm beginning to like the new him, the one that's gone through months of therapy, I don't respect or trust him much and probably never will. As for my most recent ex, no, I neither like, respect or trust him. There's too much denial in him, although he has the potential to be something worthwhile. Perhaps one day, he will dig himself out of his own pit.
Woggle Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 I know this sounds really sick but when I look at pictures of my ex I still think she is attractive. I would never go back to her even if I were single but this woman tried to kill me yet I still think she is hot. Maybe men really do think with the wrong head.
Trialbyfire Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 Sometimes men want to do their exes because it's more about control. Strange how the psychy works.
Woggle Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 Sometimes men want to do their exes because it's more about control. Strange how the psychy works. Not me. She would go back to me a in a heartbeat. The whole reason for the shooting is because she found out I was getting remarried and went nuts so I think she has worse control issues. It's just when I think back I can still see what attracted me to her.
Trialbyfire Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 Not me. She would go back to me a in a heartbeat. The whole reason for the shooting is because she found out I was getting remarried and went nuts so I think she has worse control issues. It's just when I think back I can still see what attracted me to her. Are you certain you're not taking back the control for when she shot you? Perhaps a need to dominate because it was a frightening situation to be in?
Woggle Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 Are you certain you're not taking back the control for when she shot you? Perhaps a need to dominate because it was a frightening situation to be in? Possibly and the fact that I used to have a thing for her type. None of the bullets hit me but she did a drive by on my house.
Trialbyfire Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 Freaky. I can't imagine bedding an ex, which is why I think I'm throwing in other psychological reasons. Exes cease to hold attraction for me, no matter how good-looking they are. I guess I need to connect with someone and like them first, before considering this.
Woggle Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 I would never bed her but there are times I wonder what would have been if she didn't go off the deep end. I don't think the person she is now is the same person she was when we were in New York. The marriage went down hill once we moved to New Jersey. Despite everything that has happened I have good memories with her that can't just be erased.
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