Inmisery Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 Hi, I love an alcoholic \ drug abuser but can't live with him. I couldn't deal with the sneaking, lies, and his need to drink or be in bars 75% of the time.After 2 yrs married I filed for divorce. When I give no contact for a few days he ends up contacting me saying his misses me etc.. I end up responding and today when I responded he was defensive and came up with the only little few petty things that I have done to him. I have been a good wife to him and gave him tons of support to help him overcome his addictions and withdrawls but nothing changed. I can see sometimes his efforts to try but never last more than a few days. He fails to see that he is the one that destroyed our marriage. He is complete denial. He is sick for sure. I always wished and hoped that he would see the light and change before he loses me. Oh also, he will tell me things to make me jealous like getting womens phone #'s and who he may be getting a date with. It certaintly hurts me to hear those things but I try to think how would anyone put up with his addictions for very long? He won't be sucessful in finding a long lasting relationship. How can I get him to see what he is doing ? I would think that since he is a functional alcoholic and works his job well that he has enough sense to see that he has a problem and our marriage is failing because of it. What am I not seeing here? I think because he always contacts me and tells me he still loves me that he loves me more than anyone else could, misses me etc.. what can I expect to happen? Our divorce will be final in a few weeks. Do you think he is getting scared and hope I will stop the divorce? any thoughts or suggestions will be appreciated Thanks
Jesika Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 Hi....I am new here, but have had my fair share of addictions and being in a realtionship with someone that has addictions. I have just recently (40+days) stopped drinking. Take it from someone who knows........the only way he will stop is when he is ready. He probably does still love you and misses you, but his first love is his addiction! I have been going to AA and I hear alot of stories from people who lost their jobs, wives, kids, family, husbands, etc to alcohol and the fact that they couldn't see or wouldn't admit they had a problem. I think you should go through with your divorce cause it sounds like it is the best thing for you....... You have to remember.....some people never stop drinking, and some won't even stop if their health is at risk. It is a disease, and he is the only one that can make him better. I know it is a helpless feeling to love an alcoholic....but you don't deserve to be treated poorly. Good luck. Hope it helped. Jes
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