I'm So confuzed

[highsierra]

I'm so confused, and my stomach is in knots.. This girl I've been dating for nearly 4 months sends the most mixed signals.... After almost 3 weeks of not seeing each other face to face (we live about an hour apart) due to her starting a new job, finishing with college, and a few family dramas All at the same time, and then that I work 60 hours a week over 6 days doesn't help for time to spend together (so that parts understandable).....but during those 3 weeks she would call at least once a day (sometimes some serious confort calls where she calls me crying about how stressed she is, and of course I console her, and get her feeling good again),She sends all kinds of cute texts about how much she misses me, thinks of me, can't wait till shes done with school so shell have more time,how she's got feeling for me that she thinks can grow into something really serious, etc.. I certainly feel the same way, and she definitely knows how I feel (shes asked straight out if I see a long term potential, and I said I do)....Then last night she leaves me a message on the phone, (breaking up in tears) about how much I made her day (She got a card in the mail from me saying congrats and how proud I was for her finishing college etc, in far more romantic words, along with a mix CD of songs that made me think of her), I called her back only to get voicemail, left her a really sweet message, and latter that night she texts me how she really wants to see me tomorrow and she'll call in the morning....So this morning she calls, and it's like....well I need to go into work and work on something for a couple hours, and then I might take my niece swimming, but I'll call you in a couple hours so we can figure something out...That was almost 10 hours ago... Now

 

It kind of seems to be re-occurring thing where what she says doesn't quite jive with what she does.....Even though we have awesome times together....be it really deep personal conversations, intimacy, and everything in between. I'm fairly certain she's not seeing anyone else as she's always calling me and telling me what she's doing or where she is (and I don't even ask), so I don't think it's that.

 

Anyhow.. I'm sure she'll call before the days over, but I'm just not quite sure what to say.....I certainly don't want to drive her away, but I also want her to know that I want her to decide if she wants to put out the time and see what happens (we're both looking for the same thing)...but that's kind of a confrontational thing to say... How do you say that in a non-confrontational way?

 

SO what do you think.... is she interested (We've talked about honesty and lieing quite a bit, and I can't see her leading me on for nothing)???

 

Over the past 2 weeks I've kind of laid back and not put much pressure on meeting up...letting her call or text for the most part, basically letting her come to me, especially since I knew she really didn't have time. But now I know the things that kept us apart have pretty much subsided (done with school, been at the new job for over a week, family problems have gone away) It still seems like I'm low on the time priority list (even though it seems like I'm high on the phone talk/text priority list) I'm so confused

[Krytellan]

Hey man, my philosophy is (and you can read my disclaimer... thanks Annabelle75 ) is that within the 6 month mark of dating, people are putting their best foot forward. If this lack of follow through (at your expense I might add) is occurring already, and this is her best behavior, look out. I can understand family events, but there is no reason why she should be making plans with you and then suddenly placing her neice's pool trip ahead of you.

 

She's either a manipulator, flaky (not to be mean), selfish, or not too interested. Either one of these puts you in a bad spot. My guess is she has been doing this and you accept it? If that's so, that's bad news that she's already doing this to you. These behaviors DO NOT GO AWAY AND RARELY GET BETTER. They usually become even more pronounced as the relationship continues.

 

Good luck.

[highsierra]

I see that too somewhat.....it's just all the phone calls saying how much she appreciated me for waiting for her to get things under control, and the variations of " I miss you so much and can't wait to see you" and "I'm always thinking about you" text messages that confuse the hell out of me..... As for today, We'll see what she says, and I'll subtly hint about what is to become (you can bet if she says something about doing something with her niece all day then I'm going to start throwing out the questions in not such a subtle manner)....Maybe I'm just blinded,and maybe It's legitimate....It's just what she says (everyday) that throws me for such a curve... I'd think if she wasn't interested she'ld be pushing away (ie not calling or texting every day)

[AngryHeartache]

Highsierra, she may be genuine you know. Some people are just busy, which OBVIOUSLY she is, and are all stressed and confused with what they are doing. She may generally want to spend a lot more time with you, but just feels like she don't know what to do, where she is going, who to see, etc. She's probably all over the place! The fact that she has phoned you, texted you, and whatever else every day stating she can't wait to see you more, and crying over stress...that says to me that she does like you. And she probably isn't playing you for a fool. BUT, be careful you don't become that shoulder to cry on and that's it, you know...relationships aren't about that. It should be a mutual thing! So, by all means comfort her, but if that is all the relationship is about, she's using you. You need to work out here how much of it is her crying to you, and how much of it is having fun, sharing things, romance, seuxal contact, etc. You know what I'm saying? Weigh her and the relationship up! And it seems to me you haven't both gone into this as too serious...what I mean by that it, you seem to wanna take it slow (not you so much, but yeah...) so maybe she thinks the way things are are okay and acceptable?? Why don't YOU become more busy? Why don't YOU not always be there on the other end of the phone? Keep yourself happy without her, and see what happens then

 

That's just my 2 cents...good luck!

[highsierra]

Thanks for the advice

 

So on cue almost she just called my cell....All lovey dovey, honey, sweetie like voice (but I could tell she sounded emotionally tired, and somewhat generally exhausted).... So I didn't ask what she did today or anything...just said I was just heading home from doing something, and I'd call her when I got home....She said she was heading over to her parents house and would call me latter...I said Thanks, I really want to talk with ya...Ended there...

 

I'm still not sure if I should push the matter quite yet (well on a less than subtle manner) or just hint at it latter tonight when she calls, or just let things mellow a little more for her (she did just finish with school on friday, and after another week I'd think she'ld be feeling pretty settled in her job) and see what happens....pretty much just see if she comes around....

[Mezzi]

I think she is probably just a little overwhelmed at this point as well as a little scared and confused.

 

Observe her actions some more maybe like four-six more weeks.