PinkAngelStar Posted August 11, 2007 Posted August 11, 2007 I've been with my partner for about 3 months, we've been very happy from the start and everything seemed really fantastic. It did move very fast but mainly on his side. Lately, I've been very snappy, sometimes I don't mean to be, but I feel very down over money. I have numourous debt collecting letters which I cannot afford to pay at the moment. I've had to sell my car, and other things just to try and keep myself above board. The other night he came over, I was feeling down again, and I can't help the mood I'm in, or how I feel. I just wanted to talk about things, and he says just watch the TV or doesn't seem interested in communicating with me. This made me feel even worst, and he doesn't understand how I'm feeling. He knows about the debt but as he's never experienced it, doesn't seem to understand. He just says he doesn't understand me and what's going on in my head. This makes me feel a lot worst and last night I just ended up crying as I felt everything had just built up on me, he ended up just walking out and going home. I just wish he'd give me some support, or at least be here for me when I'm gonig through a rough time. I used to be such a happy person and I hate feeling the way I do. It hurts me because I thought he would be there for me, but instead just says "I can't help you, I wish I could". I don't want any money or anything, I'm determined to sort it out myself. It's taking such a toll on our relationship, I'm finding it really hard and am scared I might loose him over it.
norajane Posted August 11, 2007 Posted August 11, 2007 You've only been dating 3 months, and I think you are starting to see the kind of guy he is when the realities of life creep into the 'honeymoon' phase of the relationship. He's not exactly the kind of guy who is going to be emotionally supportive and help you through rough times when you need a shoulder to cry on...give that some thought and consider whether he's right for you. As to your debts, maybe you can talk to a debt consolidation firm, or even your neighborhood bank. They can help you get a loan that will help you pay off your bills and credit cards now and get the debt collectors off your back, and then you pay off the loan to them at a lower interest rate than your credit cards are probably charging you. Another option is for you to get a second job part-time to help you earn more money to pay off your debts and stop accumulating more debt.
huh Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 I'm working on some debt issues myself. Have you tried contacting the places to negotiate payment? Also, Norajane has some excellent suggestions. If student loans are part of your debt load, you can ask for a deferrment/forbearance which will allow you to temporarily stop making those payments so you can catch up on other bills. Once you've done those things, it is truly out of your hands. And you can only worry but so much. I know it's hard, but when find yourself obsessing over it, you need to remind yourself that you've done what you can for the day & obsessing over it isn't going to help. Than do something pleasant and free to take your mind off it. Go for a walk. Read some books (borrowed from the library so you don't have to pay for them). Look at your local listing to see if there's free entertainment (music, readings, etc.) As for your boyfriend, have you made it clear that you're not expecting him to bail you out? I don't know for sure, but could it be that he fears talking about it might lead to you asking him for financial help & maybe he's not able/willing to provide that right now (and not that anyone, male or female has a right to expect it from a partner), so he's avoiding the topic? Btw, I'm not implying that you're expecting help from him, but there are people out there who take advantage of relationships for financial reasons, so that may be a valid fear on his part.
Enema Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 It's only been 3 months. Maybe he's been burnt in the past by women after his money, or has heard horror stories and now he's gun shy.
Author PinkAngelStar Posted August 13, 2007 Author Posted August 13, 2007 Thanks for your replies. I've been feeling a lot better recently and it seems he is a lot happier. I woke up the other morning and thought, hey, why am I worrying myslef over something I've done all I can do about at the moment. Stressing myself out is only going to cause a headache. I've sold a few things I don't need anymore too, and am going to try and sell some art. I know his last girlfriends family who are very pushy tried to take half his house, they're very money orientated. I'm totally the opposite, I wouldn't care if he was living in a cardboard box I'd still stay with him. I've made it clear I don't want him to help, which I don't. It's my mess, I'm not expecting anyone to help me out. I have rung the debt collectors and they seem happy with smaller payments so I can just pay off a bit a month. Thanks for your replies
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