Jealous of younger women...

[JamesM]

 

See, JamesM is a loving H and he certainly loves his wife.

But if my H described me as something like ‘a little more flab in the wrong places’ I would definitely flip out.

I don’t want to be just ‘she is my wife, we have kids together’ – it doesn’t say anything about ME, just about the history.

 

 

I wouldn’t like the fact that some girls make my H think. Think about what? Having sex with them?

It seems, again, it is all about consequences – the pain of loosing your wife is what stops you to do what you desire to do.

 

Again, I know I’m weird, but this is exactly what bothers me with my H.

 

I was not trying to sound like she is not beautiful to ME. Far from it. But I am attempting to say what someone who does not love her might say when comparing her to a young woman. Actually, she herself may say that. Personally, when I look at her, I don't see the "extra flab." And the fact that we have kids together makes her even more beautiful, because I witnessed how she birthed them and what she endured.

 

Why do I stop and think? No, I don't picture sex with them. But I do make a comparison, and she always wins. I guess if you think that men should never look once they get married, then I think that you may be disappointed.

 

I am serious when I say I do not want to lose my wife. And to be with another woman or to imagine being with one...well, this is always overshadowed by my love for her and the possibility that I would lose her. So, I say it again, because of my love for her, the thought of an affair is not pleasurable but painful.

 

I apologize for my honesty, but I thought that may better understand one man's thoughts.

[luvstarved]

morelaugh, I can totally relate to how you feel because I feel the same way. But I went through 7 sexless years with my H masturbating to some sort of fantasies that I still don't know anything about, but guess it was thoughts of other women, both real and imagined. So I have a really hard time with jealousy over ANY woman who is more attractive than me!! That phase is finally over and things SEEM good again (supposedly it was all about me not being "nice enough", whatever!! my theory is that he is just sexually selfish and lazy) but I can't shake the feelings of physical inferiority.

 

Add to this that my H works with women who are young and attractive and has to go out on the road with (day trips only, thank God) and the fact that he is very attractive (he is considered "hot" even though he is 48, which somehow for a man is younger than for a woman).

 

My H has said that he feels insulted by my jealousy because he feels accused of cheating more or less. But I know how you feel, just the idea that he would WANT to bugs me because I would NOT want to and there seems to be some inequity there. I really don't think he is about to cheat, but I still can't stand being around more attractive women.

 

The funny thing is, when we are out and about, I do not really compare myself to women MY age (I usually work out favorably there) but YES to 18-25ers.

 

My honest opinion of the source of my jealousy is that my H and I do not have the level of emotional intimacy that allows for us to stay mutually attracted into old age, and I do not want to ever live a sexless life again. It's all sweet and good when you're emotionally connected and are in love and lust with the REAL WHOLE PERSON...otherwise, I fear there is an end point...as of now, I am ok, but eventually we all look old if we are lucky to live so long!!!

 

I still look very good for my age and people tend to think I am early-mid-30s (I am 48) But you know what? I had let some things go and now I have decided to FIGHT BACK. So I AM going to gym, tanning, dressing better and I feel better about myself and have been getting "checked out" on the street again even!

 

In fact, when on vacation, my H said that he saw me walking down sidewalk and went "MMMMM...who's that???" He was trying to pay me a compliment but of course it backfired..."a) so you ARE checking out other women b) so you find me worth checking out ONLY WHEN YOU DON'T REALIZE IT'S ME????"

 

I don't know for me, I feel like I am doomed unless I can get the emotional intimacy thing worked out, so in that case, I don't think I will ever get over feeling jealous of younger/hotter women...

[Trialbyfire]

It's good that everyone is trying to make Morelaugh feel better about the problem but why does everyone act like it's no big deal that her man looks at young girls? No wonder she feels down on herself! I'm only 26 and after everything I have realized men are very hard to please!! I'm pretty confident in my looks too, I"m 5'4 115lb, I have long hair and I always dress nice but I feel like I have to constantly compete to keep my man!! I too have started feeling "OLD" lately and had an issue with my man (he's 29) trying to be friends with some 17 year old girl on Myspace and another situation with him and a guy friend hanging out with a bunch of teenagers. Anyway I don't check out teenage guys! I prefer men near my own age and even think older men are the hot sexy ones but it's seems men will always ogle the youngest they can legally look at!!! I would never cheat on my man but lately I've wonder if I should date an older guy that way I will always feel young and beautiful. I know it sounds ****ed up but I don't take lightly to my man looking at younger girls especially since he has really nothing in common with them!!! So us women just have to put up with mens uncontrollable hormone issues and feel ugly for the rest of our lives? It's just really depressing.

There's two sides to this competitive coin.

 

One side is you. Why is this necessary? If you improve yourself, it should be for both of your pleasure, not just to keep him, but because you want to please him and to please yourself.

 

The flip side to the coin is that if you need to compete to keep a man, he's not worth keeping because he's all about the superficial and doesn't appreciate you as a person.

 

I don't know which way it is for you or if it's a mix of the two but this is important because it will affect you greatly the older you get. I'm 32 and if I have to compete to keep my man, I would rather send him to space with my handy-dandy ejecto seat. No one needs to feel this insecurity. It's not healthy for your self-esteem or your relationship.

[Trialbyfire]

I should also qualify my last comments. It's up to your guy to make you feel like you're a priority in his life. Once he does that, it will hopefully help to offset any concerns about his normal human instincts to look but not touch.

 

I was thinking about this tonight and noticed once again that I look around too. It didn't mean I didn't appreciate the guy I was with because he's worth looking at, it only meant that I look. There were two men I did make eye contact with, where we exchanged glances and that was it. Both men were also with women. It was completely meaningless.

[Touche]

morelaugh, I can totally relate to how you feel because I feel the same way. But I went through 7 sexless years with my H masturbating to some sort of fantasies that I still don't know anything about, but guess it was thoughts of other women, both real and imagined. So I have a really hard time with jealousy over ANY woman who is more attractive than me!! That phase is finally over and things SEEM good again (supposedly it was all about me not being "nice enough", whatever!! my theory is that he is just sexually selfish and lazy) but I can't shake the feelings of physical inferiority.

 

Add to this that my H works with women who are young and attractive and has to go out on the road with (day trips only, thank God) and the fact that he is very attractive (he is considered "hot" even though he is 48, which somehow for a man is younger than for a woman).

 

My H has said that he feels insulted by my jealousy because he feels accused of cheating more or less. But I know how you feel, just the idea that he would WANT to bugs me because I would NOT want to and there seems to be some inequity there. I really don't think he is about to cheat, but I still can't stand being around more attractive women.

 

The funny thing is, when we are out and about, I do not really compare myself to women MY age (I usually work out favorably there) but YES to 18-25ers.

 

My honest opinion of the source of my jealousy is that my H and I do not have the level of emotional intimacy that allows for us to stay mutually attracted into old age, and I do not want to ever live a sexless life again. It's all sweet and good when you're emotionally connected and are in love and lust with the REAL WHOLE PERSON...otherwise, I fear there is an end point...as of now, I am ok, but eventually we all look old if we are lucky to live so long!!!

 

I still look very good for my age and people tend to think I am early-mid-30s (I am 48) But you know what? I had let some things go and now I have decided to FIGHT BACK. So I AM going to gym, tanning, dressing better and I feel better about myself and have been getting "checked out" on the street again even!

 

In fact, when on vacation, my H said that he saw me walking down sidewalk and went "MMMMM...who's that???" He was trying to pay me a compliment but of course it backfired..."a) so you ARE checking out other women b) so you find me worth checking out ONLY WHEN YOU DON'T REALIZE IT'S ME????"

I don't know for me, I feel like I am doomed unless I can get the emotional intimacy thing worked out, so in that case, I don't think I will ever get over feeling jealous of younger/hotter women...

 

I just wanted to comment on the bolded part. He paid you a compliment and you shot him down. I would have never analyzed that to death. I would have taken that compliment. My H says a similar thing to me. He often tells me that if he didn't know me and we were out somewhere and he saw me, he'd be so attracted. I never thought to take that comment in any other way than how he meant it. I take it to mean that still, after almost 13 years together, he'd still be attracted to me, if he saw me out somewhere and we didn't know each other.

 

I swear I never thought to look at it any other way. You probably made him sorry he paid you that compliment. It might make him think twice before paying you another one. Poor man can't win.

 

Oh and thanks for the compliment, Curm! You've still got it too, you know!

[Jonah]

I like older ladies. Almost to be at the mercy of...

Can an older woman compete with the younger ladies? Or shall we ask, can a playtoy replace a Real Woman? I have never seen you, but just knowing your age... There would be no competing with a woman with 45 years of knowledge of how to take care of herself, of how to take care of a man, and how to handle everyday problems. At a 46 myself, I myself do look at pretty things. I look at them like I would a clean chrome Harley, but I do prefer the much more dependable and rideable Yamaha. There is a lady that I have worked with for 20 years. She has always had it, and she still has it more than ever. I think it is in knowing that she does have that sexual power that comes with being an older woman. Now as far as your husband goes... Keep that thing buttered up all the time more than he can handle. That should slow the sexual thoughts down from every 4 seconds to every 6. Do keep working out. And love thyself.

 

-Jonah

[bish]

.... or more like: jealous of my H's interest in them.

 

How do you deal with getting older… and not as good looking as you used to be?

 

I know that you should look the best you could.

 

But… I’m 45 and, although I look very good for my age,.

 

You just have the wrong guy. As I get older, it becomes more apparant to me that I want someone within 4 maybe 5 years one way or the other of my own age. Sure, the 18 year olds are nice to look at, but they are girls. I want a woman, not a little tart.

 

Besides, I just find women my age to be sexier than 18 year olds.

 

So it depends on the man. And there are plenty of men out there that think you can compete very well with an 18yo......just not your husband sorry to say.

 

And if your husband ever divorced you or anything...he may get a younger girl...but they won't want his ass once he gets to be older and has a sagging sack and ass. People never look to the future and think about someone they can grow old with. Sorry, you can't even grow old with someone just 10 years younger. People might say it will work...and it might when one is 40 and the other is 30...but once one gets 50 and the other gets 40...i'm willing to bet...it will all start to change.

[morelaugh]

Thanks so much for your kind words.

 

I can feel everyone is trying to help me with this – and this is great! It means so much.

 

To be honest, when I posted this, I expected much more arguing and flaming… I guess I was wrong… and I’m so glad I was wrong.

 

I am so grateful that no one blames me for being insecure or controlling – you seem to understand my problem and genuinely try to help me.

 

And I appreciate your honesty!

 

What I noticed though, is that everyone agrees that young girls are nice to look at. I can’t relate to that myself, as 18 yo guys are just kids! Not at all interesting to look at! I mean, if older women are so much sexier and interesting, why the need to look at younger ones??? Why don’t you look at the older ones? If you already have the woman you’re saying you need and want, why do you still have that ‘fascination’ with young women?

[Trialbyfire]

morelaugh, have you never seen your husband look at women in their twenties, thirties or forties? Is he solely looking at teenyboppers?

[morelaugh]

Well no, not only very young girls.

 

He is looking at women in their twenties (25 years younger than me) and thirties (still good 15 years younger than me), but not much older than that.

 

I mean, he is looking at everything that looks good and maybe an odd 40 yo, but the features that he is admiring are the ones that younger women are most likely to have.

 

No 40+ yo woman has boobs like the ones he looks at (well, not without the surgery anyway)

[Trialbyfire]

So he's oggling women's chests in plain view and consistently?

 

If you're at all concerned, there are tons of different bra styles that will help a woman in her forties, look like the women in their twenties, 'cause that's the type of support these ladies are wearing themselves.

 

Try the serious pushup variety with fitted pads, structured cups or gel bras. It will look no different.

[morelaugh]

Try the serious pushup variety with fitted pads, structured cups or gel bras. It will look no different.

Until you take it off

 

But, wouldn’t that be a pure deception?

 

I want him to like me and my body, not the image created by the push up bra.

Plus, they are not very comfortable

 

Besides, no bra will make a woman in her forties look like women in her twenties .

[Trialbyfire]

Until you take it off

 

But, wouldn’t that be a pure deception?

 

I want him to like me and my body, not the image created by the push up bra.

Plus, they are not very comfortable

 

Besides, no bra will make a woman in her forties look like women in her twenties .

At chest level, wanna' bet?

 

But yes, they can be uncomfortable for women of all decades.

[Mistaken Identity]

Morelaugh, I'm over 40 and you are really starting to depress me with your negativity. As for your comment on feeling sorry for women in our age group who try to stay fit: I do it for my health and well-being. My self-worth isn't dependent upon a man's opinion of me.

[bish]

morelaugh, here is a joke for ya.

 

How does an 18yo turn on the light after having sex?

 

.............she opens the car door.

[Mistaken Identity]

Morelaugh: You are thinking in absolutes. Not all young women are beautiful, fit, etc. My 15 year-old daughter goes to school with girls who are fat, tattooed, pierced, bisexual and drug addicts. I can almost say for sure that they don't practice good hygiene. Yuck! Of course there are some beautiful girls, too, but how many of them are interested in a man your husband's age? Or shall I say, their fathers' age?

[Capricorn]

When I was 16, I was working at Walmart some gross 42 yr old told me we should be together, I said to him eewww your old!! HAHa. He was old enough to be my father. Now that I'm 26, I think Johnny Depp is hot and he's 40 something but not old enough to be my dad! If anybody has to worry about their man leaving them for a teen it would be us girls in our 20s. I couldn't believe one of my best friends husband was 25 and hitting on a 14 yr old girl that was skinny,flat chested and built like a boy. My friend (his wife) is a yr younger than her husband, beautiful, not fat but very curvy, long hair and he's hitting on that 14 yr old? Some men are just so disgusting!

[morelaugh]

I don’t think he’ll leave me for one of them.

 

Showing interest of a sexual nature in them is bad enough.

 

 

 

P.S. Thanks for the joke Bish

[Trialbyfire]

Hey morelaugh. Do you ever look at attractive men? Make a conscious effort to audit yourself over the next couple of weeks. This was a discussion point in another thread.

 

I've caught myself looking, in a very meaningless fashion. I don't even have an internalized conversation with myself about it, with real words. I don't say to myself, "oh, he's gorgeous". I simply...look...then almost immediately forget what he looks like or that he ever existed.

 

If you find yourself doing what I do, apply that to your husband looking, whether it's an 18 year-old or a 50 year-old.

[Cad Rake]

..bisexual..

 

Um, not really sure how one's sexuality plays into her personal hygiene, but ok.....

 

Anyhow, there's no easy answer for older women. You are less attractive to men, period. But that's no excuse to stop exercising. That's like saying well I'm going to die someday so I might as well kill myself now. You can slow the decline with exercise, and you should, because I guarantee your life will get worse if you stop. Worse faster, that is.

 

Men are selected by nature to like young hot stuff. Being an old woman is like being a poor man. And guess what, nature doesn't care.

[Trialbyfire]

Um, not really sure how one's sexuality plays into her personal hygiene, but ok.....

 

Anyhow, there's no easy answer for older women. You are less attractive to men, period. But that's no excuse to stop exercising. That's like saying well I'm going to die someday so I might as well kill myself now. You can slow the decline with exercise, and you should, because I guarantee your life will get worse if you stop. Worse faster, that is.

 

Men are selected by nature to like young hot stuff. Being an old woman is like being a poor man. And guess what, nature doesn't care.

Really? So you believe that a woman not in her tweenies, isn't hot stuff?

[Cad Rake]

I said that women get less attractive as they get older and that men like "young hot stuff." Something tells me that "old hot stuff" isn't as desirable to men. But I'm sure there are granny lovers who would disagree.

[Trialbyfire]

So, at what age do you consider women unattractive?

[Cad Rake]

Honey, why don't you just tell us what point you're trying to make.

[Trialbyfire]

Snookums, I'm trying to understand your comments. Is it impossible to answer a question directly or are you afraid to do so?