Dadubwa Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 I fell in love with a girl named Kelly about 4 years ago...her and I dated for 2 years and I got drunk at a party and ended up kissing another girl (biggest mistake of my life). I ended up dating the other girl (Narissa) for about 2 years and then we found both of us were very different people and I didn't love her. I NEVER fell out of love with Kelly...I had no reason to...she's extremely perfect. A few months before Narissa (my current) and I broke things off Kelly and I got in touch with each other over e-mails. What had happened was we told each other how we felt I obviously apologized for what had happened, she was over it and had moved on as well...well one feeling led to another in the e-mails and before we knew it we were confessing how much we loved and missed each other and how we wished we could go back to time and be together. Now this brings us to the present... Kelly broke things off with her boyfriend only 3 days ago...but for about 2 months her and I have been seeing each other (without him knowing) and by seeing each other I mean strictly friends. But the day after Kelly and her boyfriend broke up she was holding my hand...kissing me...the whole 9. To be honest I was surprised.. now I'm not complaining, this is what I've wanted since I haven't had it. I missed her...but now that I have her I feel like I'm having ALL of her ALL too soon. I need help with the following things... A) I feel like we're really moving too fast, but I'm scared to tell her...I don't want to push her away...I'm leaving for college in 3 weeks and I just feel like her and I are trying to fit as much time and affection into those 3 weeks as we can...I don't want to stop...but I feel like in the long run I will have wanted to. B) Her friends and family obviously have a biased opinion about me because of my past...how do I break free from this...I know time is a big part of it...if I ever do. C) What if time tells and she's really not in love with me and I'm really am not in love with her...what if we don't work...what if I disappoint her again? ...I suppose these are just thoughts roaming in my head...some one shed a little bit of light on this situation.
bradford Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 A) I feel like we're really moving too fast, but I'm scared to tell her...I don't want to push her away...I'm leaving for college in 3 weeks and I just feel like her and I are trying to fit as much time and affection into those 3 weeks as we can...I don't want to stop...but I feel like in the long run I will have wanted to. She also broke up with her boyfriend for you basically - you say you were strictly friends - then why after only 3 days of being single is she kissing you? When did this line get crossed? She was obviously cheating with you emotionally if nothing else, correct? That leads me to one of the reasons why you have mixed feelings now. You've lost a little something for her in this process, not to mention you are worried she's rebounding or just doesn't know what hell she's doing at this point. Do you really want to be with her? What about this is too fast for you? Kissing isn't exactly a "fast" crime. Is there something else @ work here? I mean if you like her, be with her. I feel there's some thoughts you're not filling us in on here. You got exactly what you wanted, and now, what, you don't want it now? B) Her friends and family obviously have a biased opinion about me because of my past...how do I break free from this...I know time is a big part of it...if I ever do. That'll fade, and it's the least of your problems.. who gives a ****, you kissed another girl like 3 years ago, it's not like she caught you banging someone over the kitchen table. C) What if time tells and she's really not in love with me and I'm really am not in love with her...what if we don't work...what if I disappoint her again? Hey that's what love is all about, leap of faith my friend. Roll of the dice. You might be on the short end, she might be, or you both might be. If you disappoint her again, then she'll think you are an ******* forever. You'll live with it.
kitty99b Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 ha...people usually want what they can't have and once they get it they don't want it anymore. Be careful because it sounds to me that you and kelly have a great thing going there, and it really isnt all that soon...this whole thingy between you two has been on for like four years! it's not like you've just met. stop thinkin "what if" and just go with the flow! After all you're leaving for college soon so just enjoy and take it slow. you're thinking too much into this. She knows what she is in for, if something happens and one of you get hurt oh well. don't let insecurities get in the way. if you loose her again you might regret it later!
yergawd Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 Ok, so you got back together with an ex, things are moving a little too fast for you and you are feeling ...overwhelmed? is that right? Are you enjoying the time you are spending with her or are you to lost in your emotional turmoil? If you are enjoying the time together and your issue is you are worried that it's artificial because of time constraints then ask yourself: "Do I want to enjoy my time with her right now?" make the most of it. If you want it to last preoccupying yourself with thoughts of building a home with a picket fence and 2.3 kids is not going to keep her around. You are obviously younger and have a lot of life to live. Enjoy it, enjoy this moment and see where it leads. I would imagine stopping this whirlwind would make both of you unhappy. I would also imagine stopping it and saying "this is great but let's look at long term viability" would crush the romance. wouldn't it? If it's meant to be let it flow don't force it.
Author Dadubwa Posted August 10, 2007 Author Posted August 10, 2007 "She also broke up with her boyfriend for you basically - you say you were strictly friends - then why after only 3 days of being single is she kissing you? When did this line get crossed? She was obviously cheating with you emotionally if nothing else, correct? That leads me to one of the reasons why you have mixed feelings now. You've lost a little something for her in this process, not to mention you are worried she's rebounding or just doesn't know what hell she's doing at this point. Do you really want to be with her? What about this is too fast for you? Kissing isn't exactly a "fast" crime. Is there something else @ work here? I mean if you like her, be with her. I feel there's some thoughts you're not filling us in on here. You got exactly what you wanted, and now, what, you don't want it now?" Well she said either way she was going to break up with her boyfriend because they just didn't work out...but I KNOW I had something to do with it, yes. The line became crossed the day AFTER she broke up with her boyfriend...I wouldn't say that the line was crossed because it not like I DIDN'T want her to kiss me...it's that YES I don't want to be a rebound even though I don't think I am...I just feel like I am...the thing is we both were emotionally cheating on our significant others. Her and I have almost (almost) slept together already...it was a heat of the moment thing, but I always find myself awkwardly stopping the situation. I DO want to be with her...I just thought things were going to go slower. I suppose there's a few things I'm not filling you in on...After I go to college I'm moving to Florida...we both live in New York now...that's a huge deal...but I suppose we'll cross the bridge when we get there....but I'm going off to college...what about the temptation that will be there? I know I could handle it...but what if all the sudden I just want to be single again...I feel like if I'm with her...since we get along so well...and since I really feel we're right for each other...I'll be so tied down...I can't afford to lose her again. But to be with her now means to be with her forever...I'm so SO scared for forever being as young as I am (19). I know it sounds selfish because she's such a blessing to me, she's so good to me, she's a sweetheart, she really truly is perfect. But I don't want to be tied down at the age of 19! I'm extremely scared of losing her in the long run. I don't WANT to have her sitting around waiting for me to be ready to be with her...I know she wants to be with me now...and I'm in love with her...I just don't want to be tied down.... Does that make sense ? :-/
bradford Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 Well she said either way she was going to break up with her boyfriend because they just didn't work out...but I KNOW I had something to do with it, yes. Of course it did. You gave her the strength to make the move.. it's ALWAYS easier to break up with someone when someone else is in the wings. Just the way it is. Not a huge deal tho. The line became crossed the day AFTER she broke up with her boyfriend...I wouldn't say that the line was crossed because it not like I DIDN'T want her to kiss me...it's that YES I don't want to be a rebound even though I don't think I am...I just feel like I am...the thing is we both were emotionally cheating on our significant others. Yeah, I thought so. The emotional cheating is tough, because it does alter your perception of the person slightly.. like a "what else are the capable of thought" - even though it was with you. It'll fade. Her and I have almost (almost) slept together already...it was a heat of the moment thing, but I always find myself awkwardly stopping the situation. I DO want to be with her...I just thought things were going to go slower. Wow, you stopped her? She probably just thought it was a good guy thing, don't worry about it too much. But seriously, I'd live it up if I were you. I know you are afraid you are going to hurt her again, and that's really why you are so torn here, but at the same time, you do really care about her. I'm extremely scared of losing her in the long run. I don't WANT to have her sitting around waiting for me to be ready to be with her...I know she wants to be with me now...and I'm in love with her...I just don't want to be tied down.... Let me tell ya something man, I've been around, and back. Ok, I know it's hard to perceive @ 19 - the whole world, college etc in front of you and everything else, but if you really think you've found the perfect girl - do not hold back with her, because you will regret that some day, when you are my age, and all these thoughts of not wanting to be tied down are long gone, and you think back, and you say to yourself that you would trade every romp between then and now for another chance with that girl you didn't pick. Food for thought. Think of it this way - when you were going into high school for the first time, it was the biggest deal ever.. now looking back, even at 19, you realized it didn't mean ****. None of it. All this "not being tied down" business is really overrated - if you are happy with the girl, you won't feel tied down and miss anything. The only thing you won't be able to do is screw around. You can still have ****-tons of fun, get drunk & stuff trust me. I know it would be hard, but that's why they call it the big picture. My brother, for instance, married a girl he started seeing in 8th grade. He doesn't feel like he's missed anything. He considers himself one of the lucky ones... so you gotta wonder, are we tied down when alone or with someone? Funny. I guess you have to ask yourself why you feel like you'll be tied down. Is it because you just want to go **** off in college, or is it because you are scared that she might actually be the one for you? Be honest with yourself, it's pointless to lie to .. well, yourself. So answer that one. bradford
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