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An update fro Dazed after nearly two years!!


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  • Author
Posted

Dazed, I would love to meet you one day (betrayed friends) you sound so awesome.

 

Ah hell! Another proposition w/ a disclaimer! :rolleyes:

 

You know I'm single right? I'm also available (for now). Time's a wastin!:laugh:

 

Honestly tho; I do hope I find a great lady who has been through and survived this goofy little thing called infidelity. While i know no relationship is safe from it, I think just knowing what it feels like is a great deterrent to inflicting it on anyone else.

 

Sidenote: This guy that sounds so awesome; actually is pretty awesome, tho I am still a raging ball of insecurity and fear, I just refuse to let it have control of me ever again. I spent a significant amount of time getting to know myself. (Empty marriage sucks. Don't let yourself be alone even when you're with someone)

 

Cj; sounds like you figured it out pretty quickly, and the timing was pretty right for you. Props and respect from me. But did I skim this right and he was w/ his sister??! Eeeeeeeew! skeeves!

 

-Dazed

Posted

Honestly tho; I do hope I find a great lady who has been through and survived this goofy little thing called infidelity. While i know no relationship is safe from it, I think just knowing what it feels like is a great deterrent to inflicting it on anyone else.

 

-Dazed

 

I told you at the beginning Dazed, Some lucky Lady is about to win the Man Lottery!

 

LOL... your like the powerball!

Posted

Dazed, you will meet a GREAT woman one day as I will meet a GREAT man one day. We have both been through H--- and back and survived, only good can come our way now.

 

I am 41, how old are you? You sound like you may be my age or a little younger. My son is 19 and attending college, it is MY time now to live for me.....

  • Author
Posted

LOL... your like the powerball!

 

If I had a nickel for every..... I'd have a nickel!:laugh:

 

 

Cj; I'm 39, pushing 17 and 60 at the same time. lol, i think we have both it's time for ourselves! My daughter just turned 19 as well.

Posted

All I know is that I have not felt this good in so long, everyone kept telling me it would be a relief when I finally came out of my so called pity cloud, and it is ! I am smiling again, dressing sexy and feeling sexy, the OLD me....the one he tried to KILL a slow death ! NOT, my mom has never liked him and as much as I hate it she was right....she said I would end up leaving him because we are in different worlds....he is very immature. She said never trust someone the way you trust him ( I always said "he would never cheat on me") well, MOM you are the BOMB !

 

Yes Dazed, it was his sister (1/2) and it is GROSS if he indeed crossed the PA line. I know it was some kind of funky EA for sure, but he knows the PA would have really went over badly, I would have TOLD everyone and the family would have disowned them....kids and all. So you see why he cannot come clean and how it is eating his soul alive ( I hope it is ) What goes around comes around ! I am ready to flirt and laugh and actually go out on a real date (been tied down all my life) that will be FUN !

Posted

Dazed, thanks for your words. Check out of pergatory. I like that and yes that is exactly where I've been. Okay, I'm really, really going to try and move forward and quit taking 3 steps back. My H is my past and it isn't a good past, it's hurtful so I'm going to try and leave the past in the past and quite replaying the hurt. Othewise, I'll sabatage my future with someone that may be looking for me.

 

Dazed, I've only met you (sort of) and it appears that you've been on here for a while. But, out of all the research, and I've done plenty, I have a whole library of how to overcome infidelity and to have a stronger marriage, blah, blah, blah, you've helped me the most. You know, all those books and stuff was what kept me trying, but in my heart, I didn't want to. I wanted to be a success story but my heart finally won. It is the right thing for me, I'll never be totally happy with my STBX and I'm officially buring my marriage. I've mourned its death and now I have to pick up the pieces and go on.....

 

It's a better day today, thank you so much Dazed.

  • Author
Posted

Anytime Grits;

 

Just let me know if I can help further. It's always okay to feel what you feel; sometimes you just have to plow right thru it.

 

-Dazed

Posted

Rollercoaster today. I'm so lonely and so sad. This holiday stuff is really getting me down. I just want to burst into tears as I type this. I truely love my husband and yet I despise him. He has changed who I am and I don't like this person I've turned out to be. Pathetic and confused. I was once vibrant, loving life, loving wife and he took it all away from me. Yet, I can't stop thinking of him. Damn, it is all so not worth it.

  • Author
Posted

Hey Grits;

 

Oh lord, do I know that hopeless feeling that starts in your very soul and refuses to let you be.

 

The holidays really do suck when you contemplate spending them alone. I have no plan for Christmas day, and it isn't cool. But, I know it's worth it in the end.

 

I said in my other thread that it was easier to leave, and that the real guts came in staying and trying to work things out.... i don't know if that's true anymore. Not that I am personally doubting my decisions, but I do understand what you are feeling Grits. I don't think you are doubting your decisions either, simple melancholy over having to make them at all.

 

Totally normal, and okay. You are mourning the loss of the life you thought you were going to have. Things change. It's the nature of human existence. I no longer make prognostications about where my life will go from here. I have no clue where i might be in five years. (If you had told me five years ago that I would be where I am, I woulda told you that you nuckin futz!) I have mourned. I have hardened to and from it. Grits, you will too. Weak moments will happen, but less frequently over time.

 

my ex is re-marrying today. I have no feeling about that at all. The feelings i have are more about me, and what I am doing. I am a little disturbed today.... vaguely unsatisfied with everything. It will pass because deep down, i know I did the right thing for myself, and that will bring peace.

 

So Grits, the only advice I have for you is to relax... know that you did right for you and let that be your comfort.

 

-Dazed

Posted

OMG, your ex is getting re-married? I can only imagine how you must feel, even though you say you feel nothing, it's still heart breaking. Not because you want her back so much, but because, like me, a part of you is gone forever. That the said part of it all. I put so much into my marriage. I honestly believe that I was the best wife and he even to this day, still says the same. Yet, somehow, he still cheated and he took the part of me that is a giving, loving person. Can I ever love that innocently again? I don't believe I can. Don't you think that in future relationships, we'll still carry that scar and wonder if our new partner will do the same and we'll keep that wall up?

 

You know, I don't doubt my decision, yet I miss so many things in my marriage. We were a wonderful couple. We were active in our church, beautiful home, wonderful friends and poof, it's all gone. And I'm here trying to pick up the pieces of my life. I guess it's very much like a death. Trying to overcome the finality of it all. My and my STBX have many loose ends (selling the house, etc.). I talk to him everyday and see him several times a week and I'm starting to believe this is keeping me stagnet. I'm starting to believe that the best thing for me to do is to have no contact with him. I think that may speed up my recovery, yet the thought of not talking to him is overwhelming.

 

I've slept most of the day, I think from depression and I do NOT want to go back on anti-depressents. I don't want to be drugged anymore so I'm trying not to fall into depression yet I don't know what to do with myself.

 

Dazed, my heart goes out to you. I hope and pray that you'll find the woman of your dreams and you will live happily ever after. I will not believe that fairy tales won't come true. That's the only thing that keeps me going is the possibility to having the whole pie rather than the pieces.

 

You know what really burns me? His co-workers think he's so wonderful and they have so much respect for him. Yet, he was screwing around with a co-worker that if they knew about it, he would be a laughing stock as she was not attractive and a very pathetic woman. She had no respect from the rest of the office. He would be so humiliated, yet he got away with it, reputation in tact. But, I'll never say a word as I'm not out to ruin him. I love him too much, yet the demon in me wants to scream, he is not worth respect, he was screwing ________. Angry feelings I know, I want to let it all go and I'm having so much trouble.

 

Thank you again for sharing.

  • Author
Posted

My ex is re-married.

 

I simply don't know what else to say about that. Only that Saturday was a tough day. Not because I am jealous or whatever, but there is a sense of loss there, as well as some sadness for what coulda been.

 

D said my wife was represented at the ceremony by her mother, her sister, and our daughter. Apparently her family isn't too impressed with the whole thing, but she never did give a **** about her family.

 

And so I took some time to look at myself and the single world I have created for myself. Having simplified my life by breaking it off w/ two of the women I was regularly seeing, I am down to one, and I can't even call her my girlfriend. We see each other once or twice a week, always have a good time... but something isn't quite clicking. We do dig each other and all that is good... i just don't know what is not really there. Maybe me.

 

As a person, I know myself better than most people do, and I am finding that my ability to feel is somewhat crippled (perhaps atrophied is a better word). So, I will need to work on that as well as my ability to let anyone in past my walls.

 

My daughter is flying in for the weekend, and that will be a great time, I went out and bought the dry-aged prime rib for christmas dinner, spent the evening last night wrapping gifts, so I am ready! My folks will be here, and my daughter so we'll have a good time and catch a show on the strip Saturday night. All will be gone on Christmas eve, and unless something comes up, I will be spending Christmas day alone. Not cool, but that's how it is.

 

Anyway, journal entry for 12/19/2007

 

-Dazed

Posted

Wow, dazed. Her family was there supporting it? wonder how the after party went? Was it a big wedding like you guys first one?

 

It's good to know your numb about it or dont care, Your doing well and living your life for you.

 

Your ex is your past man, that's where she will remain.

 

Is the man she got married to like the dude she was cheating with or is this someone else?

  • Author
Posted

Thanks CB;

 

She married someone else... believe it or not a high school sweetheart, lol.

 

They so deserve each other.

 

There was an after party, but XW's mom and sister did not go...

 

-Dazed

Posted

Hello Mr. Dazed,

 

I'm really sorry to hear about this. I know the upcoming holidays will be a little hard for you, but I do hope that the new year 2008 brings you all the happiness you deserve.

 

And, don't settle make sure you find the woman that makes you happier then you've ever been...It does happen !

Posted

You know what? You'll find miss right! The person you're are seeing, not intense, huh? Then IMHO, it isn't there. I think when you find her, it will click! I'm a firm believer in that!

 

I feel your pain and I'm sorry, but you do have a new beginning - make it count!

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