undecidedgirl Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 So I've gone on four dates with this guy and I'm considering whether I should break things off with him. I really like him, but I feel frustrated because it seems like he's taking things somewhat casually and I can't tell if he's interested in a relationship or not with me. I have no interest in casual dating at this point and I only want to stay with him if there's relationship potential. So what do I do? We're meeting again tonight....should I bring up whether we're exclusive or not or what we "are" or should I just wait it out? We haven't had discussions like this yet. For what it's worth, I'm almost certain he isn't dating anybody else and we haven't had sex yet. I just get the sense he's taking things at a leisurely pace based on how often he contacts me and the fact that we can only see each other once or twice a week because his job forces him to go on frequent trips. What do you guys think? I don't want somebody stringing me along but I also don't want to bring up a serious discussion too soon....
bradford Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 undecidedgirl hey, whats up? 4 dates? So what 3 weeks or so? What is your rush, seriously? Are you a ticking time bomb or something? I think it would be a BIG mistake to bring up anything relationship oriented at this point. It's only been 4 dates, that's nothing. If you have a good time with him and he has a good time with you, don't worry about it. Just ENJOY it, seriously. I've been dating a girl for almost 2 months now, I've lost track of the number of times we've gone out etc, but we still have made no mention what so ever about anything relationship. We know perfectly well we're not seeing anyone else, and if the point of declaring "exclusiveness" is for that reason, then we don't even need to bother with that. Could she take that as me being casual? I suppose, but she's doesn't. My best advice - just roll with it, you'll know how much he's in it by how much he puts in it, and how much effort he makes. If say after 10 dates you feel the same exact way, and you are actually questioning why he bothers, then perhaps say something. But that's a whole different situation in that case. bradford
yergawd Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 I agree with Bradford, this soon in the "relationship" it would be too soon to start this kind of talk. Instead be subtle, make comments like "I enjoy hanging out with you too bad it's so hard to hang out more because of our schedules". Ask questions like "are you seeing anyone right now?" (casually not that big of a deal, but let's him know you might be open to devloping something). Don't make it sound like you want to jump the gun or anything. But make conversation, that is what people do when they spend time together right? Subtley guide the direction of the conversations to find what you are looking for. Act like it's no big deal, get him wondering about you.
beautifuldisaster Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 I know how you feel. When I like someone I have a tendency to want more and I want it quickly...but what I've learned is that WHEN IT STARTS FAST IT ENDS FAST. You're still just getting to know each other....just have fun with it....BUT there's no harm in asking him what exactly he's looking for at this point in his life. I wouldn't tell him that you want a relationship and you want it now, but you can let him know that that's what you're looking for in the long run. Good luck and have fun.
Capricciosa Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 Yes, I agree with beautiful disaster: fast start, faster ending. Man it took me a long time to learn that lesson. Two times a week seems like he has time for you. Just let it develop.
bradford Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 Yep, 2 times a week is the way it should be for a while actually..
kitty99b Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 The guy is obviously interested so don't try to rush things or you might end up just scaring him away. Enjoy the time you spend together and just have fun. Take one day at a time and soon enough you'll have your answers. it might be good for you to get a hobby that can get your mind off things.
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