marblearch Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 It's been over a year since we ended our short term affair (we both are married). Basically he broke it off b/c he realized how much he loved his family and what he had done was a big mistake...so he decided to work on his marriage instead of continuing the affair. I really believe he did the right thing. While, I too realized that I'd need to deal with the problems that had been in my marriage but have recently come to an conclusion that it'd be best that I should separate from my H. the thing is ... my exMM wants to stay friends with me (no matter how long it may take to rewind our friendship to where it was before, he says) I tried NC a few times since the A was over but each time did not last longer than 3 months because there were different occassions that either of us somehow ended up contacting one another (for birthdays, sort of business related matters etc we no longer talks anything emotional or personal - once in a while we just exchange a couple of emails or have a brief telephone conversation. When I last saw him 2 months ago (first time after the A), we had a "pleasant" conversation over lunch... but whatever we talked or how we talked was just so ordinary (in a way, more business-like rather than friends talk....) that I felt the distance between us. and thru this lunch reunion, I felt I finally had a closure for myself by accepting the fact that he's 100% focused on his marriage. even after having had my closure, still not sure about remaining occasional contact with him b/c I still have feelings for him, hence I am afraid it may delay my recovery from the A.....? any objective thoughts or advice based on experience would be really appreciated.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 I still have feelings for him, hence I am afraid it may delay my recovery from the A.....? That is why you cannot be 'friends', and it will delay your recovery from the affair. If he wants to be a true friend to you, then give him the chance to do what a true friend would do: give him the opportunity to do what is best for YOU. Let him know how you feel, and that being friends is painful for you right now and ask him for NC. If he refuses to do that, then his primary concern is only for himself and what is best for him and he is not really your friend at all, if he ever really was to begin with.
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