CancerianQueen Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 For some reason it seems to be a pattern that guys date my friends, and then they start to like me. It seems like these guys settle for women they don't really like just so they can have a girlfriend. Then when they realize they like me better than my friend things are all complicated and they have made a big mess. Why can't they just grow up and take their time? Does anyone else have this problem with men? I'm sorry if I sounded really conceited. It could be that they liked my friend more than me and thats why they asked them out first. But it honestly perplexes me and I am sick of it happening. Why are some men so afraid to be single? Also I was reading another post similar to this one where someone said "isn't it gross to think of your friends doing intimate stuff with the person you are dating?" No, it honestly doesn't gross me out. If your friends are that revolting to you maybe you need to think about why you are friends with them. Do you feel better then them or something? I don't get that statement. I would have commented about this on the thread it was on but it forbade me to do this because it was over 60 days old.
amerikajin Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 For some reason it seems to be a pattern that guys date my friends, and then they start to like me. It seems like these guys settle for women they don't really like just so they can have a girlfriend. Then when they realize they like me better than my friend things are all complicated and they have made a big mess. Why can't they just grow up and take their time? Does anyone else have this problem with men? I'm sorry if I sounded really conceited. It could be that they liked my friend more than me and thats why they asked them out first. But it honestly perplexes me and I am sick of it happening. Why are some men so afraid to be single? Immaturity and ego. Sometimes, our egos convince us to keep looking for something better. Rather than accepting what we have and trying to make our relationship with that individual better, we assume that whatever imperfections we notice in our current relationship can be remedied by finding someone else...because we 'deserve more'. It's an immature way to look at relationships. Also I was reading another post similar to this one where someone said "isn't it gross to think of your friends doing intimate stuff with the person you are dating?" No, it honestly doesn't gross me out. If your friends are that revolting to you maybe you need to think about why you are friends with them. Do you feel better then them or something? I don't get that statement. I would have commented about this on the thread it was on but it forbade me to do this because it was over 60 days old. I don't know if it's revolting, but it has the potential to make a friendship awkward. A lot of times, whenever we break up with someone (especially if we're dumped), we feel pain. It's hard to get over those memories. The last thing we want is to have a new relationship with a friend thrown in our faces, to remind us of how our previous relationship failed while a relationship with someone who is supposed to be loyal, is succeeding. I don't do it, and I wouldn't want my friends to do something like that either. It's a free country and I certainly can't stop them from doing it, but there's nothing forcing me to be their friend in the first place. I think it's a matter of respect.
stillafool Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 I guess I don't understand. Were you with your friends at the time the guys chose them over you? If so, I would be terribly insulted that I was only a second choice. My question would be wasn't I pretty and interesting enough to get your attention first. Or, did they already have their boyfriends and the BF met you and wanted to make a change? If so I would still be insulted that my friends BF thinks I'm such a skank I would cheat with him on her. There are some rules in good friendship that one does not break and that's dating a close friends ex. I certainly wouldn't unless my friend had been happily married to someone else for 10 years and even then I would be sensitive to her pain. I think there are just too many guys out there to date rather than risk losing a friend. That is one of the reasons women have such reputations of being "skanks" is the lack of respect we show to one another.
squeak Posted August 11, 2007 Posted August 11, 2007 What makes you think the guy settled and wants you more? Maybe he knows he can get you, you're an easy target, after all-what kind of person is open to dating their friends BF's?? Maybe the BF's in question are players. And not dating your friends exes is not about thinking your friend is gross...it is because you know you can meet someone else and don't choose to parade around with someones ex after they broke up. That's called rubbing it in her face...friends don't do that. Not real ones anyways. Do I really have to explain this? And what must you really think of your friends that you assume the guy settled? Doesn't say anything too great about your loyalty or what you really think of them. I think you are rationalizing the guys behavior and making it about your ego. Man you are so open to being played. Read stillafools post for more clarification. It doesn't bear well on you that you are so open to these guys: Guys who hit on their GF's friends are dogs, and the "friends" who take them up on it are skanks. It's just a test for the guys who do that, you're an ego boost- don't you get it? Funny how you take it that they settled and really wanted you first. I agree with stillafool, I would be offended and must think I'm a skank if they hit on me thinking I'd EVER betray my friend. I'd tell the guy to FUC* off, not go write a post wondering why guys settle. It's called r-e-s-p-e-c-t for your friend, but I guess that is a foreign concept. With a friend like you, they don't need enemies. By the way, if they do it to your friend they would do it to you too.
squeak Posted August 11, 2007 Posted August 11, 2007 I guess I don't understand. Were you with your friends at the time the guys chose them over you? If so, I would be terribly insulted that I was only a second choice. My question would be wasn't I pretty and interesting enough to get your attention first. Or, did they already have their boyfriends and the BF met you and wanted to make a change? If so I would still be insulted that my friends BF thinks I'm such a skank I would cheat with him on her. There are some rules in good friendship that one does not break and that's dating a close friends ex. I certainly wouldn't unless my friend had been happily married to someone else for 10 years and even then I would be sensitive to her pain. I think there are just too many guys out there to date rather than risk losing a friend. That is one of the reasons women have such reputations of being "skanks" is the lack of respect we show to one another. I agree 100%
monkey00 Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 Are you positive they really liked you, or were they just being flirty friendly and see how far they could go with it...which a lot of people are guilty of, just to please the ego. I dont think women are any more innocent than men, i've seen women do this as well. I would say it's a grass is greener syndrome.
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