ccamacho407 Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 My girlfriend of 4 1/2 years wants me to move out. 3 of these 4 1/2 years we lived together. i met her when i moved to florida when i was 17 were both 21 and we've always loved each other. of course we've had our up and downs like everyone does but i never thought it would end up like this. we have lived with her mom and grandfather. her grandfather lives downstairs and her mom, her and i live upstairs. its a big house and everything was great, but then i went into law enforcement and all i spoke about was work and i never stopped loving her but i stopped showing it. i guess u can say i took our love for granted but i never wanted her to feel that way. her mom and grandfather are very needy and i guess i was too. now she wants me to move out and wants to break up, im scared to lose her indefintley. shes told me she wants to be by herself and i was smothering her and crowding her. i know shes the woman i want for the rest of my life, her personality and character is different. i'm living in the same house but not in the same bed, i moved into the spare bed room next to her. the last couple of days we talk and joke around the way it was all the time. now when i come home from work she asks hows was ur day and i say works, work. i know its late but i never noticed i was neglecting her. i am trying to fix things but she doesnt talk to me about us or anything. i know she loves me but shes being hard headed. theres alot more to this but i cant type all of it. the rest isnt bad its just runon stuff. i should see someone to talk about this or wat? maybe someone can help me on this website. i feel empty and lost like im missing a part of me. i feel like cant function, and ive talked to my best friends and everything seems to be the same thing when i talk to them, that i should just wait and she will come back. i love her so much how do i play my cards rite not to lose her. u can email me at [email protected] i want to talk to someone any one by phone email anything,..... im so lost.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 Brother, I am going to give you some short advice. And I suggest you consider all options carefully before you make a move. You dont want to be with a girl that doesnt love you. You need to sit her down... say that if you move out right now, your gone forever... no second chances here. Tell her that if she still loves you and wants to be with you, that you are willing to do whatever work, make whatever changes she asks, to be the man she needs. Tell her that your not asking for years to make changes but maybe 1 month, or 2 months. If she wants you she will be happy to work with you on this... if not, why waste your time. Also, if she has her eye on another guy, its already over. Im sorry your going through this.
vanButterfly Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 Is there more to this story? Something more maybe has upset her. What influence do her mum and grandfather have on her? There was a time when my ex and I lived with my parents, and we drifted apart. I came home and all I spoke about was work and I was stressed. He was looking for work because he just moved to the country not too long ago. One thing that helped was we moved out to our own place. That will remove any negative influence her family have - but then there is the other thing that she is unhappy about. WHy does she want you out? Does she feel second. I dont think your relationship is lost - just need time and space. Start doing things together - small things.. and enjoy. If you have been neglecting her, she needs to feel like she matters. Telling her she matters wont help. Actions speak louder. Get her out of the house and go somewhere. I asked my ex to move out later on, and I have a hard head, so I know what you are dealing with. When I cooled down I was upset.. Let her some time to cool down. SHe is upset and you have to tell her that her feelings are VALID and she has a right to be upset. If she talks to you about her feelings, DONT JUSTIFY - just listen to her. If she is angry, let her vent - even if you think it's unfair. Dont push her away any more. In times like these, there is no room for pride. If you find you are justifying your actions, then you dont understand the effect you had on her. It's not all lost at all. Be smart about this - she needs time to get back to being happy - not to be pressured by you. Sit her down and ask her calmly if she really wants you to move out and if she knows what it means. Then if she says yes - leave it at that. Ask her when she wants you to go... be sure that if you be silent and make plans to move out..she will start thinking .... but dont talk to her..she will come to you.
vanButterfly Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 " If she wants you she will be happy to work with you on this... if not, why waste your time." I agree with this. If you both acknowledge you are having problems, and there are both of you doing things that dont help the relationship, and she is willing to work with you, then you have a chance. If she isnt interested, then maybe she is saying it out of anger. IF she still thinks the same after a week, then all you can do is change yourself. Move out, tell her you still love her, but you have no other choice.
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