LoveIsAnInsanity Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 I know some people have issues and you can't really justify their behavior and what they do. But seriously when everything is better than fine in a relationship and its low key and just fun why the hell would a person just stop talking to you and start ignoring you or whatever. I have read this happening to so many people and I do understand the concept of it but if one day you're going to meet that person face to face why the hell would you just stop whatever you had together without explanation when you know it could blow up in your face? I just don’t get it. I also heard and read that people who leave with no reason whatsoever are usually the ones who come back. At the same time I personally think those people are the hardest to forgive and take back. I mean what the hell could be their reason of leaving in the first place? How the hell do you get over something like this? And most importantly what the hell is that person thinking just disappearing without an explanation? It's ridiculous really. I just can't get my head around it. If you have any thoughts on this please feel free to give me the 411 on this behavior. It's driving me insane! Thanks
LoveLace Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 Gosh..good question. A lot of people struggle with the idea of confrontation. I'm one of them. Anyway, they don't want to hurt someone face to face, or they have reasons and just dont' know how to express them. They hope that taking off without explanation will be an easy way out, but it ends up making them look worse, than if they had just said, "I can't stand you, I'm leaving". It can also be hard for someone to admit if they are scared or hurt themselves. Some people would rather disappear than deal with things....I've done it before, not just with men, but other things too. Perhaps all was going well in your eyes, but apparently not to them if they took off, something was wrong and they were too chicken to tell you about it. Some would rather be "chicken" than be caught with other emotions. I'm one of them!
squeak Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 One day you're going to meet that person face to face why the hell would you just stop whatever you had together without explanation when you know it could blow up in your face? I just don’t get it. You're talking about internet to face to face meeting, right? Sometimes it was just a game to the other person to see if they could catch you. Catch can mean something like getting you excited anfd looking forward to meeting them, then game over. Some people may already be in relationships and that is their outlet. I actually read about a group of guys who did this and collected the girls pictures and posted them on the internet as "the trophies". That is rare, but there are all kinds out there, and you certainly don't know cra* about these people at that point.
shadowplay Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 I wonder if people who do this realize that they're hurting the other person infinitely more than if they just confronted them. Or maybe they simply don't care. I don't understand how people can leave that kind of thing on their conscience. I feel bad enough when I've missed appts without cancelling ahead of time. I can't imagine how guilty I'd feel bailing out on a relationship like that... One thing I've observed about human nature is a lot of people will do bad things but mentally block it so they don't have to entertain any guilt. It's the same impulse that drives people to run away and avoid confrontation.
lino Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 a lot of people will do bad things but mentally block it so they don't have to entertain any guilt. True & I've noticed they are usually the ones who get ahead in all aspects of life. I really need to become more of a f*ckwit easier said than done though...
LoveIsAnInsanity Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 Yea, I understand. I mean I hate confrontation too and to be perfectly honest I might disappear on someone just to get out of it but the thing that bothers me is that when there is no reason for the disappearance. I would think that if something was wrong yea go ahead and ignore or whatever but when everything is fine? And yea I know maybe something was wrong with them if they took off but in my case I can’t think of ANYTHING then again if it was something he was probably too chicken to tell me and like I said I understand because sometimes I’m like that. When I said face to face I meant in a LDR not internet. I would totally understand if we were talking on the internet and never met but no I was talking about long distance. You already met and you most likely are going to meet again at least in my case and I know there are shady people out there who just play around but I don’t know about that in my case. Shadowplay you are absolutely right when you said I wonder if people who do this realize that they're hurting the other person infinitely more than if they just confronted them. I mean this was actually shocking to me. I never really thought about this thing until it happened to me and it was brutal…still is. I just can’t get over it and it’s pissing me off that I can’t do anything about it. I just wonder how he felt about it. That’s the number one thing I want to know. Why he did it not so much, but just how he felt when he did that and the thing about human nature it made sense but it’s not something I had much success with. I tried it so many times but it always comes creeping up at the most unexpected moment. But say those people come back like a lot of them do for some reason. If I did this I would be terrified to come back unless I had a damn good reason or whatever but could you forgive them? Could you just take them back? Regrets regrets regrets. I guess some people would do anything to get out of confrontation despite the feelings of the other party. Thanks so much. Keep it coming.
LoveLace Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 If they come back they would obviously have to explain themselves. And based on their explanation, it's up to you on weather or not it's forgiveable. It would take balls to come back in the 1st place, but they better have a darn good reason to back themselves up with. But chances are someone only does this with no intention of returning at all what so ever. In fact, disappearing with no explanation makes it easier to never look back...cuz you'd have to know that you've really pissed someone off, that alone will make it easy NOT to go back. Does that make sense?
kitty99b Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 I know how you feel. It's very confusing but chances are you will never get the answers you're looking for. The person who did this to you doesn't deserve any more of your thoughts and time, and even though it's hard the best thing is to move on and try to put it aside. maybe the guy was afraid beause he was falling too hard for you and decided to run for the hills, or maybe he got with someone else (an ex ) and didn't know how to tell you, maybe he had a fear of commitment, or maybe he was just plain stupid! but whatever his reasons NOTHING justify his disappearance... that to me is just disrespectful and plain rude.
LoveIsAnInsanity Posted August 10, 2007 Posted August 10, 2007 Yea, that’s what I think. It definitely takes balls to come back, that’s why I don’t understand why they even bother. The thing is if they don’t have any intention of returning they better know that they won’t see you again. Because than that makes sense. If they think, I don’t want to be with you ever again and I am certain that we won’t have that chance to sit down and talk, so I don’t have to explain myself than fine. Whatever. But imagine this. In my case we are going to see each other some day and not just see each other but will probably stay in the same damn house. Now that in mind you have to be stupid to even think you can get away with it. That’s what’s so frustrating. If it was under different circumstances I’ll get it and move on. This, I’m just not getting. I’m not really looking for answers I’m just trying to understand. I’m like that. My mind just won’t quit. I’m not really looking for the he doesn’t deserve my time and thoughts and whatnot. I already know that but that doesn’t help. And you’re right maybe it was because he was falling too hard but seriously who the hell would run because of that when they know they have to face that person one day. He found someone else or got back together with whomever I don’t think so but maybe. Fear of commitment, I thought about that but its not really clicking because he wanted to marry me and all that. Stupid. That’s what it sounds like. And your right it is just disrespectful and plain rude. I just feel that if you think you can get away with it fine. The fear of confrontation comes to mind. But if you know that one day that confrontation is going to come up no matter what the reason is why not do it the right way. Is there a right way!? With these questions you keep going around in circles. In doesn’t really make a difference because it did happen you know. But the thing is if I see him again. That’s what really gets to me. What the hell do I do if see him again????????????
Krytellan Posted August 11, 2007 Posted August 11, 2007 Some people just thrive on drama and games. In absence of either of these elements they sometimes just get bored, or meet someone who will provide these things.
werty Posted August 11, 2007 Posted August 11, 2007 yeah i wonder. why just people confront, so as not to leave the other person hanging, or wondering? why is it that sometimes we feel that they wanted us to find out the reason why they do that? why sting us along?
LoveIsAnInsanity Posted August 11, 2007 Posted August 11, 2007 Drama and games. Yea I can see that. That is a good point. I don’t think it was that in my case but it could be for other cases but then again what do I know. You know Werty, those questions are good. Do you really think that they do that because they want us to find out the reason they did that? I never thought about that but that could be a good point. Drama and games like Krytellan mentioned. I have to think more on this. But good point!
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