Hypocrisy!

[Star Gazer]

Just because I wouldn't sleep with someone sleeping with someone else while dating,that doesn't mean I wouldn't sleep with two at the same time... I'm only human.

 

No, it doesn't make a person human - it makes them an outright hypocrite! As Tanbark would say, you shouldn't impose standards and expectations on others if you're not willing to live up to them yourself.

 

I was actually thinking about this on the drive to work this morning. In Krytellan's "Juggling" thread and ShadowPlay's "Would you be turned off..." thread, it seems like most dudes would turn their back on a woman who wanted to date multiple people (or even just date ONE guy while being simply FRIENDS with another!), but those same guys want to be able to not only date, but possibly bed, multiple women themselves. WTF is that about?

 

Is it ego, or what? I pretty much only see this sort of hypocrisy with guys...I'm curious.

[Trialbyfire]

Here's how I see it, as a woman. If I'm lightly dating multiple men, I let them know and they let me know that they're dating multiple women. This to me is more a situation of enjoying the other's company, more than the must hook up or looking for a relationship style dating.

 

If I'm sleeping with them, we both must be exclusive, for both emotional and health reasons.

[allina]

I hope Tan is the author of both quotes

 

I think it's sort of typical and normal of men. They don't want anyone else involved with the woman they are dating but they want as many as they can get. Like a kid wanting a ton of toys and not sharing.

[Star Gazer]

I hope Tan is the author of both quotes

 

Nope.

 

I think it's sort of typical and normal of men. They don't want anyone else involved with the woman they are dating but they want as many as they can get. Like a kid wanting a ton of toys and not sharing.

 

Or a dog pissing on a fire hydrant!

[allina]

 

 

 

Or a dog pissing on a fire hydrant!

 

No, a dog trying to piss on as many fire hydrants as possible and barking up a storm if another dog tries to piss on 'his' fire hydrant

[Herzen]

That's hypocrisy by any other name.

 

The double standard assumes that male sexuality should be freely expressed. On the other hand, women must be "bound" to whomever they're dating.

 

It's the arrogance of youth and male sexuality.

 

Reciprocity and equivalence are shelved in favor of trammeled female sexuality and untrammeled male sexuality.

 

I suspect that many guys who espouse this sexist rubbish mainly date their right hands.

[Krytellan]

I think it's sort of typical and normal of men. They don't want anyone else involved with the woman they are dating but they want as many as they can get. Like a kid wanting a ton of toys and not sharing.

 

And it's my right to do so. I'm not requesting that anyone tell me it's OK. Kinda crappy, huh?

 

Free will...

[allina]

And it's my right to do so. I'm not requesting that anyone tell me it's OK. Kinda crappy, huh?

 

Free will...

 

 

What's crappy? You have the right to do so/think as you wish, what do I care

[Krytellan]

Is it ego, or what? I pretty much only see this sort of hypocrisy with guys...I'm curious.

 

I'm not even going to pretend to be speaking on behalf of other men, just me.

 

I feel like along the way, somewhere in the 20-26 years, I missed out on the chance to have "fun" with my youth. I was not overly attractive to women, was more mature than those my age, was too emotional and sensitive for my own good, and always lost out to the jerk bad-boy friends that I had.

 

I was a late bloomer and since the age of 28 or so have been coming into my own. My experiences of the last 5 years have left a bad taste in my mouth and the thought of relegating my future to a string of experiences such as these does not sound the least bit appealing.

 

So, here I am, in a position where I am only now learning what it is to "have options" and am rather blown away by the buzz of activity I have been feeling with women over the last month. It's unlike anything I've experienced in my whole life. Whatever it says about my character, I don't want to let the opportunity to have my "fun" pass by without a taste.

 

That said, if someone I was dating (and let me clarify - interested in having a relationship with) was sleeping with someone else, it would turn me right off. If it was a casual date that I had no "relationship" feelings for... well... bang away. I just know that if I want to partake I need to pack the defenses, that's all.

 

So, there's one late bloomers experience

[squeak]

I always assumed if a man felt so strongly and had strong convictions about a woman he is dating (that she cannot give a whiff of impropriety with another male)- it was because he stood behind his own opinion through action reflecting that (do onto others).

 

How silly and antiquated of me, I see now. Why should any woman do that for you when you won't for her? Somehow that browbeating towards the girl on the thread stargazer is referring to seems much more pointless now, how can you lead by example when you don't follow your own example?

 

Oh but she's a girl, it's different, men don't have to follow rules...right....

[squeak]

Hey Stargazer, pass me my burkah, girls-walk 10 steps behind the man...

I didn't realize what regime we were living under...thanks for the eye opener.

[Krytellan]

I am noticing that many posters here are falling into gender assumptions when I don't think these behaviors are exclusive to men. Some people feel this way. I would like to see the evidence that men feel this way more than women. It's just easier to bash a man than it is to accept that people just act this way.

[squeak]

That said, if someone I was dating (and let me clarify - interested in having a relationship with) was sleeping with someone else, it would turn me right off. If it was a casual date that I had no "relationship" feelings for... well... bang away. I just know that if I want to partake I need to pack the defenses, that's all.

 

Okay-gender assumptions aside- I'll keep to specifics-

 

How does this fit in with the quote SG has to start the post?

It's fine to juggle/date , who cares, have fun- it's the part where you wrote off your double standard with "I'm only human" etc, it just seems kind of extreme all the postings to Shadowplay when you basically admitted if you could do it you would. I'm confused...are you really okay with that?

 

Or is this the new Krystellan who is tired of being the good guy?

[Krytellan]

Or is this the new Krytellan who is tired of being the good guy?

 

That's half of it I suppose.

 

Why are people so confused about the fact that people can have double standards??? Is this a new concept? It was given a name for a reason, because it occurred enough to warrant its own term.

 

People will tell you they are a champion for a cause. I would say it's foolish to believe that even the best people can't have an ingrained double standard. They just don't rush to express it. If most people here looked inside themselves hard enough, I think most of us could identify a double standard we have.

 

Geez... it doesn't make a person bad. And if it makes me bad, so what? I'm not going to go around telling all the girls I meet about my double standard. I save that for you all who couldn't give a spit about me as a person and who will never have to be around me. I think if more people were uncomfortably honest this would be a better forum.

 

Sorry... yes, I'm OK with that squeak.

[Star Gazer]

I am noticing that many posters here are falling into gender assumptions when I don't think these behaviors are exclusive to men. Some people feel this way. I would like to see the evidence that men feel this way more than women. It's just easier to bash a man than it is to accept that people just act this way.

 

Which behaviors are you referring to? Juggling? Or juggling while walking away from one of the many you're juggling because they are juggling too?

 

Men and women juggle equally, I'm sure. But I have yet to encounter a woman who would state exactly what you essentially did: I can juggle all I want...but I won't allow someone I like to juggle as well. History has proven that women aren't the ones creating ancient sexist double standards.

 

It's fine to juggle/date , who cares, have fun- it's the part where you wrote off your double standard with "I'm only human" etc, it just seems kind of extreme all the postings to Shadowplay when you basically admitted if you could do it you would. I'm confused...are you really okay with that?

 

Exactly. It's hypocritical and a complete double standard.

[Star Gazer]

Why are people so confused about the fact that people can have double standards??? Is this a new concept?

 

Because they exist, that makes it okay? Racism exists. Sexism exists. Religious superiority exists. That doesn't make it okay, not by a long shot.

 

If most people here looked inside themselves hard enough, I think most of us could identify a double standard we have.

 

Sure, so what? Maintaining a double standard is a flaw, and if anyone here identifies themselves as a carrier, it would behoove them to rid themselves of that line of thinking.

[squeak]

That's half of it I suppose.

 

I'm not going to go around telling all the girls I meet about my double standard. I save that for you all who couldn't give a spit about me as a person and who will never have to be around me. I think if more people were uncomfortably honest this would be a better forum.

 

Forget a better forum, what about being that uncomfortably honest with the girls you will meet/date? Why not?

 

Personally, if I have any double standards I'm not aware of them or I had rectified them long ago and put them in accords with whatever I expect of others, it gives me more ground to stand on, for one.

 

But I digress, back to you....

[allina]

I admit it. Krytellan, because you are socially and romantically underdeveloped your point is less relevant to me. It seems like you're throwing out all these demands when you can't even get a gf and have trouble dating.

 

I understand that people do have double standards, oh well, but you're a little ahead of yourself.

[oppath]

I can't have sex with someone more than 1-3 times if I don't truly like them and think they are great, and that is the type of woman I'd want a relationship with, so...I can't live by the double standard. It would last a week, because honestly, after a week of sleeping with someone, if I know in my heart a relationship could not develop, it becomes too intimate. I can't handle how unauthentic it feels. So I guess you could say I pump and dump, only, that's not true. I make sure girls know what's up, what they are looking for, etc. And I've turned down a handful this summer because I knew they wanted relationships, and it wasn't going to happen, so I didn't sleep with them.

 

The hypocrisy? Let guys have their fun. We're all talk anyway, at least most of us.

 

I'm actually in this situation. I was talking to a girl I want to date when I move back to SoCal. It was a Wednesday night; we were chatting online. She asked me, "when was the last time you had sex? I want to know, be honest." I don't lie to women. I repeat, I don't lie. I said "Monday" because that was the truth. Luckily, I used my charm to assure her I was not just trying to sex her. Cost me a damn edible bouquet. I've known her for 2 years on the fringe. I'm like George Costanza with this one: everything I am doing is the opposite of what I would normally do. Everything.

[Yamaha]

No, it doesn't make a person human - it makes them an outright hypocrite! As Tanbark would say, you shouldn't impose standards and expectations on others if you're not willing to live up to them yourself.

 

I was actually thinking about this on the drive to work this morning. In Krytellan's "Juggling" thread and ShadowPlay's "Would you be turned off..." thread, it seems like most dudes would turn their back on a woman who wanted to date multiple people (or even just date ONE guy while being simply FRIENDS with another!), but those same guys want to be able to not only date, but possibly bed, multiple women themselves. WTF is that about?

 

Is it ego, or what? I pretty much only see this sort of hypocrisy with guys...I'm curious.

 

 

Yes. Pure ego. Guys want to believe they can satisfy any women and if the women is seeing multiple guys it is a bruise to the ego. Guys pursue and women pick. If women pursue then guys get too pick. Is the world ready for this turn about?????

[DanielMadr]

Do not do others what you dont like done to yourself.

 

From my rulebook: Once we kiss each other (and I mean the kiss) we made our decision (unless one of us run away spitting). From that time dating others is cheating. Person with high interest in oher person wouldnt date others. You give it 100% or you are free to go. Not willing to take the risk and therefore keeping your options open till the very last moment says nothing good about the person.

 

On the behalf of sexism and double standad talk here:

 

Conditions for men and women are different and so is their behaviour. Call it double standard or sexism but unless you are willing to give up your priviliges as a woman dont try to strip men of theirs. Keeping his options open is more tolerated for him than it is for her. Because he is risking more. Why? Because there is no symetry. Women are in demand, men are not. She has 9x higher chance on finding a new partner than he does.

Once girls will be picking up guys in clubs, bars, streets and guys will be hesitant, because they can get pregnant, than you can rant about double standards all you want

[Woggle]

Double Standards are wrong but they do both ways. There are just as many in women's favor as there are against women.

[squeak]

Woggle-what double standards exist in benefit of females?

 

Maybe I'm not aware of them (aside from net getting drafted).....

[annabelle75]

I have no problem with Krytellan having a double standard, as long as he adds an official diclaimer tio his signature. It should read:

 

"My point of view is scewed because I maintain a different set of standards for women than I do for myself. Women should feel free to ignore my posts."

 

Sounds fair to me.

[Star Gazer]

"My point of view is scewed because I maintain a different set of standards for women than I do for myself. Women should feel free to ignore my posts."

 

Sounds fair to me.

 

:lmao: