CantCutitOff Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 Hi all- Need some input on this one, as it's unfamiliar territory. I'm 25, single female. Never been married, no kids. Had 2 VERY serious long term boyfriends, lots of male friends & minor flings, and a very up and down relationship w/ a married man (which is thankfully long over!). I've been talking to someone for the past 3 weeks who is 38, twice divorced, and has 3 kids (and he has full custody of all three). He jokes about how he's probably better off alone. I work with him - had known him for several years but got talking to him A LOT one day a few weeks ago, he invited me to a social gathering, and we hit it off at that point. We've talked *almost* every day for the past 3 weeks, he stops by on his way to/from work (he lives a bit far) and we hang out for a bit, and I've been to (and stayed at) his place a few times & met one of the kids. We've gotten physical, but it's not a primary focus of the situation(as I've been in situation where it has been before). When he says he'll call, he does (minus one time where he fell asleep). He's a workaholic & pretty big family guy so spends a lot of time with them. He also has some family members in poor health, which is occupying a big chunk of his time. I mentioned to him about a week ago that I was enjoying getting to know him, and he said he was too. Other than that, we haven't had a conversation about what this is or where it's going. We don't *routinely* run into each other at work, and no one at work knows what's going on (b/c neither of us particularly want it out there). He's off for the weekend & said he would call at some point... and I'm sitting here resisting the urge to call or text him. I don't want to interfere with his time with his kids or family AT ALL... and I'm pretty sure he'll call at some point because he always has so far. But I'm a little unsure about what he wants out of this -- a friend? companion? someone to date? I made a comment to him about trying to figure him out, and his response was, "well, when you figure me out, let me know." (which to me means "i dont know either"). Any thoughts on what this sounds like? And advice from divorced men with kids or people who have dated divorced men with kids? I just have never been involved with someone in this situation before and would like to adjust my expectations accordingly. Thanks for any & all input!
shadowplay Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 Honestly...unless you're head over heels for this guy I think you forget about him and look for somebody your age. You're young...why would you want to get involved with a divorced, middle-aged guy with kids? That's so messy.
Author CantCutitOff Posted August 10, 2007 Author Posted August 10, 2007 Definitely wouldn't say I'm head over heels about him, but something has struck me about him in a very, very good way & I've never had that experience with anyone else before. I don't think I'm just willing to nix it because it's messy. I agree - I'm young & it's definitely a situation I wouldn't have imagined myself in... but it's also one that doesn't scare me off. I just wish I had a little bit more experience in this arena since I'm not used to having this many factors in the equation. Any other takers?
overseas2004 Posted August 11, 2007 Posted August 11, 2007 I married a divorced man with a child and it is the best thing I ever did. We have a loving marriage and he was broken in by his last wife, which was a huge advantage for me. However I do have to say something. I would never date a man who has been divorced twice. To me, that is evidence that the man is no good. Everyone is entitled to one honest mistake but two.....is too much.
amber1 Posted August 11, 2007 Posted August 11, 2007 Honestly...unless you're head over heels for this guy I think you forget about him and look for somebody your age. You're young...why would you want to get involved with a divorced, middle-aged guy with kids? That's so messy. I agree. CantCutitOff, you are young. Are you ready for a man with that much baggage? You should be having fun!
Cobra_X30 Posted August 11, 2007 Posted August 11, 2007 CantCutitOff, NO! Bad news. Your attracting the wrong kind of man. You might not believe me, but you deserve better.
Author CantCutitOff Posted August 11, 2007 Author Posted August 11, 2007 Thanks for the responses all. The few people that I've told about the situation seem to agree.. this probably isn't what I'm looking for. I still can't ignore the way I feel about him though... even though he is in his situation. Although, I haven't talked to him since I posted originally. I wasn't really expecting to hear from him until maybe today b/c of his family commitments, but I'm still a little bummed. Although Cobra you raise an excellent point... I always seem to be attracted to the wrong kind of man!! I wish I could figure out what's up with that! My last long-term boyfriend was a GREAT guy, total prince, everyone loved him & could've totally seen myself settling down with him -- but I came to the realization that I just didn't feel it when I looked into his eyes. But yet I feel it with all these other people who are probably not so good for me... Anyone else have THAT recurring problem?
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