Girl told me that I appear to be TOO NEEDY and I don't know what she means

[DateAnalyzer]

waiting for her to reply back to my email but she said that i appear to be too needy even for a friend. I just want to say that right now I'm at the worst point of my life when it comes to dating. I'm currently in the process of getting to know NOBODY and I'm in the house very single weekend and I'm not suuposed to be AGRESSIVE in finding a woman?? I'm trying to create some kind of life for myself and I'm being criticized for doing that? How else am I supposed to change my social life around? I'm so tired of sitting home alone in my underwear and I really hope to be more active. What does NEEDY mean???

[whichwayisup]

She must be picking up on a vibe you're giving off. Can you think of anything in your behaviour that is causing her to think you're too needy?

 

It could be that you're trying too hard and that is pushing some women away. Maybe just be more aloof, laid back.....

 

Also, you need to be happy alone, be happy with who you are. A woman can smell insecurity and neediness a mile away.

[yergawd]

I know it's cliche but you need to find other outlets. I was where you are now. It seems like you aren't ever going to find someone to reciprocate your feelings. Needy is when you rely on someone else to make you happy. Women don't want someone that will be misearble if they don't give their undivided attention. Even if you're Denzel, if you hang on a woman and feed off her energy, you will be as attractive as John Goodman without his sense of humor. Try this: go out to a club/ bar and go up to a few tables regardless of wether it's men, women, or a mix regardless of your attraction for whoever is at the table, strike up a short conversation try to get a few laughs or smiles, get names not numbers (unless the opportunity truly arises). Then disappear, move onto another table. Try to act like a "social butterfly" (sorry no better term comes to mind), act like a movie star and pretend everyone is there for you but you need to talk to everyone. It might sound stupid but it WILL GET YOU OUT OF YOUR FUNK and make you more attractive to women

 

Good Luck

[DateAnalyzer]

It's really gotten to the point where it's spilling over into my work life, i'm not the same at work because I guess i know i have nothing to look forward to when i go home. It didn;t used to be that way and I made a promised to myself I won't cry anymore until I meet that special women. So i'm really trying to hold it together right now because I just don't feel thnat good right now. This is the worst my social life has been since 1995 and i don't like it all.

 

Life was so much better when i wasn't into women, wish i can go back to those days

[shadowplay]

Is this the same woman who invited you to Atlantic City? Have you ever met her in person or only online and what kind of interactions have you had with her? I agree with the other poster. Women will only come to you when you don't need them. You should forget about women for the time being and focus on building other aspects of your life. Just try to socialize more in general and develop some hobbies. Look online for get-togethers in your area. Most cities have tons of meetups every weekend for people who share similar interests. What kinds of things are you interested in? For example in my city there's this weekend film club thing I started going to that's a lot of fun. Every week we go to a film and then have dinner as a group afterwards. But when you go to those events, just focus on making friends and meeting people. Don't look at every woman you meet as a potential gf or you'll get nervous and give off needy vibes. Just let things develop naturally, because they will if you don't force them.

 

Once you build a social life and develop some hobbies to fill your time, women will start to notice you more. Believe me.

[DateAnalyzer]

Is this the same woman who invited you to Atlantic City? Have you ever met her in person or only online and what kind of interactions have you had with her? I agree with the other poster. Women will only come to you when you don't need them. You should forget about women for the time being and focus on building other aspects of your life. Just try to socialize more in general and develop some hobbies. Look online for get-togethers in your area. Most cities have tons of meetups every weekend for people who share similar interests. What kinds of things are you interested in? For example in my city there's this weekend film club thing I started going to that's a lot of fun. Every week we go to a film and then have dinner as a group afterwards. But when you go to those events, just focus on making friends and meeting people. Don't look at every woman you meet as a potential gf or you'll get nervous and give off needy vibes. Just let things develop naturally, because they will if you don't force them.

 

Once you build a social life and develop some hobbies to fill your time, women will start to notice you more. Believe me.

 

 

I used to enjoy being on the internet so much that if looked like I actaully had a social life. At the time the internet was a new thig in my life and i din't think about women much. But that was in 2002, not in 2007 the internet is not as exciting as it used to be and while I'm on it I get the need to log off and call a woman or post 13 ads on craiglist to get rid of that lonely feeling. And I realize i do probably come off as needy because i never want a women to take another call while she is on the phone with me. I instantly become annoyed and get a attitude if a woman says-"is it ok if i give you a call back? I start thinking "well damm why does that guy suddenly get her attention and not me? So maybe I should get into my hobbies again and not be so focused on finding a mate. All of my hobbies are indoor activities, tv research, tv collecting, listening to music, reading, and watching sports. I need to get back to that like i was in years past and stop worrying so much about why no one is calling me.

[a4a]

I used to enjoy being on the internet so much that if looked like I actaully had a social life. At the time the internet was a new thig in my life and i din't think about women much. But that was in 2002, not in 2007 the internet is not as exciting as it used to be and while I'm on it I get the need to log off and call a woman or post 13 ads on craiglist to get rid of that lonely feeling. And I realize i do probably come off as needy because i never want a women to take another call while she is on the phone with me. I instantly become annoyed and get a attitude if a woman says-"is it ok if i give you a call back? I start thinking "well damm why does that guy suddenly get her attention and not me? So maybe I should get into my hobbies again and not be so focused on finding a mate. All of my hobbies are indoor activities, tv research, tv collecting, listening to music, reading, and watching sports. I need to get back to that like i was in years past and stop worrying so much about why no one is calling me.

 

 

Did you meet many women through your old hobbies? I doubt it.

 

Quit being a dud and transform into a stud. Get off your butt and go learn how to play golf, buy a boat, do something.

[DateAnalyzer]

Did you meet many women through your old hobbies? I doubt it.

 

Quit being a dud and transform into a stud. Get off your butt and go learn how to play golf, buy a boat, do something.

 

 

well the problem is I don't live near my friends anymore since moving away from home, and everyone kind of has their own life now. 3 of my friends are married and one is in the military. So it's no way for me to go outside unless I have a date. It shouldn't be that way but that's it is

[Krytellan]

Go to meetup.com

 

You can find groups of people that do just about anything. If you're into cooking spaghetti on Thursday nights in your teddy bear pajamas... there's probably a group for it. Check it out. Though it's nothing to base a social life around, I have met some very interesting people in my area at one or two of these things. You gotta start somewhere... just a thought.

[Star Gazer]

From our perspective, it sems that your life includes the following: (1) work, (2) sitting on your couch in your underwear ; and (3) your pursuit of women. In other words, you have no LIFE. I don't mean this in a bad way, but you need to get out there and experience the joie de vivre! (Hope I translated that correctly...)

 

You really need to expand your horizons, develop some hobbies, new friendships (with MEN in this instance). Become more active outside of your home and away from the computer. Being on the internet is NOT having a social life - quite the contrary.

 

Once you "have a life" outside of and independent of your pursuit of a relationship, once you are complete without a woman in your life...one will magically appear.

[shadowplay]

I used to enjoy being on the internet so much that if looked like I actaully had a social life. At the time the internet was a new thig in my life and i din't think about women much. But that was in 2002, not in 2007 the internet is not as exciting as it used to be and while I'm on it I get the need to log off and call a woman or post 13 ads on craiglist to get rid of that lonely feeling. And I realize i do probably come off as needy because i never want a women to take another call while she is on the phone with me. I instantly become annoyed and get a attitude if a woman says-"is it ok if i give you a call back? I start thinking "well damm why does that guy suddenly get her attention and not me? So maybe I should get into my hobbies again and not be so focused on finding a mate. All of my hobbies are indoor activities, tv research, tv collecting, listening to music, reading, and watching sports. I need to get back to that like i was in years past and stop worrying so much about why no one is calling me.

 

turn your indoor hobbies into outdoor ones...

If you like listening to music, start going to live concerts, musical festivals, jazz clubs, etc.

If you enjoy reading, join a book club, go the library, go to book signings, readings by authors you like, etc.

Do something less sedentary like biking/hiking and join a club so you're socializing to boot. That will get you out there and also shed the pounds.

 

Be creative. Channel the mental energy you've been wasting on the minutiae of seducing women into thinking of creative ways to "get a life" and meet new people.

[Road Rage]

If you like to read go to the library and read. Just dress kinda nice and don`t look desperate. If you get tired of reading your book browse a few of the upscale men`s magazines or maybe a Wall St Journal. Try your best not to look at women and if anything, try to avoid them entirely and let them come to you. Just make your move when they do.

[jcster]

It seems like you really like solitary, indoor activities. The problem is, you've turned dating into one - so much so that you are suffering terrible anxiety about it. The only solution is to get out of the house. You need to stop spending so much time by yourself. It will make you weird - it makes anyone weird, spending that much time alone with their thoughts.

[sofakingmad]

I'm so tired of sitting home alone in my underwear and I really hope to be more active.

 

are you sure you're tired of sitting home alone? you recently blew off a girl who asked you out 3 times and you said you would rather sit home in the A/C instead of going out with her...

[VIP]

There are women who like to stay at home just like you do. The only way to find such a woman is through the internet. You don't need a social butterfly, because that's not who you are. There are needy women out there too, you just have to find your match.

[lino]

Mate, I think you need to join some sort of sports team to get you outside. Joining a gym is prbably a good idea too. Can't hurt

[KingCrimson]

Dude. Go get drunk, seriously

 

Even as a man, just from your post, I get the impression that you're an emotional, depressed, loser. I guess I sort of used to be like that. My high school days and part of college went by in a haze of computer games, downloading music, movies, and sleeping in. Then I thought, "**** this". Joined a frat, got back into playing guitar, and pretty much made it a goal to go out EVERY Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night while in college.

 

Yea, I went from being an anti-social computer nerd and music snob in high school, to a beer pounding partier in college

 

and with that, my emo thoughts went away. i was always busy, whether it was studying, jamming guitar with friends, going and getting wasted on the weekends, going to a local concert, attending a club meeting, or simply just hanging out with friends. I was more focused on calling(or walking down the hall or block) to see what my friends were up to, and to pressure them to GO OUT and stop being lame. and yes, you need to make MALE friends first.

 

so you get a girl. then she finds out you have zero friends and are a loner... how attractive is that? Just make friends. Even if you meet a girl. YOU be the one to instantly friend-zone her, trust me, just the feeling of control and confidence you get from knowing you're the one who friend-zoned a woman... is overwhelming.

 

So in summary, all I can say is focus on having fun, making platonic friends, and just get drunk(no, getting drunk by yourslf playing world of warcraft doesn't count). when you are ready and meet a girl, just treat her like any normal friend - as in don't contact her constantly, and dont beg her, and dont treat her any differently. IMO, relationships are pretty much with good friends that you just happen to be attracted to and are sexually intimate with. Hell, I'd bang my male friends... if I was gay or they magically turned into real females overnight(as in no sex change).

[cr8sea]

Ive read a few posts from you...and honestly, you're trying WAAAAYYYY too hard with this dating thing. You need to relax, let things happen naturally, slowly and stop with the rules i once read you have...what in the world is that about!

It kinda feels like you really need to take it back a notch, focus on you, how you make YOURSELF AND YOUR OWN LIFE GOOD AND HAPPY. Once you are able to wake up each morning, thankful for what you have, whether is ur job, ur friends, ur knitting class, whatever it is that may make life better for you THEN is when you might start thinking about finding someone to SHARE that life with. You cannot have someone make ur life better because thats way too much responsibility most people just cannot, and should not handle.

desperation is a huge turn off, and one that can be seen and felt quickly, specially when ur trying to NOT look desperate when you really are....its one of those odd things.

So first step is getting rid of that desperate feeling. After that, everything will come to you.

Good luck!