A few months on....... moving on how it feels.

[funkybassplayer]

At the end of the day, after a breakup whats are we striving for? Well I had a break - up where my ex and her 3 kids decided that i was not right for them.Of course there is alot more to this, but lets face it, thats the jist of it. I dont have contact, and up untill recently i was devistated. Ok what did i do? I sunk into the lowest place in my mind, ever, and it made me look for guidence. I found this guy, a phcologhist. He told me the whys and what nots of my relationship, and brought out some huge red flags on her part, which i did know, but you know love is blind, and now im workin on my own issues. So what am i saying. The best thing that anyone can do after a break-up is be on their own, dont go back into another one, find your self, rediscover who you are, dont ignor your own issues, go back and put them right, re set yourself. Now im 41 i guess when your a kid you bounce back fast, but at this age, you kinda need to think. I thought about me, and who i was , and what the hell im going to do, and its been nearly 4 months since the split, and i have to say that moving on in a natural way is just great, as you really feel the ex leaving your heart, as opposed to stickin her in a box and sticking a lid on it. My ex went from her hubby to me to another within days( and she is still married) Oh a word of warning. Do not go with a woman who is seperated but not divorced, or even just divored, they are not ready to let go of their hubby, and are a mess of emotions, and you will carry her **** for her.......trust me! . Oh my god the issues that i had to face were just mad, and i know that now, and i feel kinda happy now that they are not my poroblem. Sure i miss her, i miss the kids very much, but do i miss the crap? no do i miss her sleeping when i take her for a drive? no do i miss being pushed away at 7 in the morning? no, do i miss her hubby and her texting each other and then her feeling like crap and me thinkin what the hells going on? no, do i miss her refusing to talk about just about anything that will make a differnce to our lives? no, do i miss her constand need for attention from just about any1 who will give it to her? no, do i miss her checking up on me? no do i miss being blamed for just about everything that she has done wrong? no. Do i miss her eldest daughter crying to me cos her mum treats her like crap ? no do i miss being made to feel guilty for things i have not done.......oh yes that too! ? no.............and the list goes on. But in that time, i have learned lots about me, her and people, and its so far been a mad roller coaster of mad emotions, and feelings that to be honest wanted to face b/c i knew i had to. I have locked myself in this house for 4 months feeling everything that was thrown at me, cos i needed to, and now that the strom is moving on, i feel so calm, and chilled, almost afraid to meet another like my ex. I have a way to go yet, and would love my ex as a friend one day, but for now, i will continue on my own, and see where this journey takes me. I guess im looking to love myself, and be happy being on my own. Now i go on a dating site, and just click strait off, cos i dont need it. My ex must have been banging on that keyboad on the dating site within days of our split if not b4, and she got a man that dictated her life within days of meeting her. Well good for her, if that whats she wants. Me i want to find true love, some1 who will come to the table with a full cup, and not just a few drops, looking to take mine. Iv been there, and after the nice honeymoon, the straws come out and suck from your cup, leaving you dry and tired. But its slowly filling again. My ex was a nice girl, a good woman, but somewhere along the line, and i think i know where, she took, or was forced to take a big turn, and it showed. I will always be there for her should she want that, but im not waiting for her, as what im finding is my life makes more sense now than it did just a few months ago. I guess im moving on................