What have I done wrong?

[Lynz]

Ok here goes. I had been in a couple of tight-knit groups of friends for years, since the beginning of school. We were all very close, but it seems that since I have started university everything has gone wrong.

 

It all started when I got my first boyfriend in November. Because I was in a relationship I was spending more time with him than my friends naturally but I still tried to balance things out (arranging nights out with my friends etc.)

 

But since then my contact with them has become less and less. I don't remember the last time any of them called me. It was always me calling them, and arranging nights out etc. I also don't remember the last time I was invited to any house party or night out that they were having either. This is true for both friendship groups I was in. The first group however (whom I have been friends with for longer) seem to have completely disowned me. This is because my boyfriend had an argument with one of them because she was flirting with him. I know that she is not a proper friend but I was completely shocked to hear that the others seemed to have taken her side. I know for a fact that she was flirting with him because I caught her doing it one time. She seems to have denied this to everybody else and for some reason (even though they know what she's like) they believe her. They all go out on drives and things all the time and never involve me at all. The other day I texted one of them and asked if she wanted to go out shopping one day next week to try and patch things up. She never replied.

 

My second group of friends just don't really speak to me at all but when they do they act like nothing has happened. Again it is always me who calls to see how they are doing etc. It is always me that seems to be making all the effort.

 

I'm having a joint birthday night out next week with my friend Steph because we both share the same birthday. A lot of my friends are going but I know for a fact that they are going for her and not me. This is because it was originally supposed to be her night out but she suggested to me that we have a joint one because we share the same birthday. But I was thinking today that if I didn't even show up they probably wouldn't be too bothered.

 

My boyfriend says that none of them are good friends but the thing is, they are the only friends I've got. If I was to make new friends completely then I wouldn't be able to do so until october when university starts again, and because all this has happened I wonder whether there is any point in becoming really close to anybody again.

 

The only person whom I speak to on a regular basis, usually by phone, is my friend Elizabeth. However she has recently moved to Wales near Cardiff. What upset me about her though is that she promised she would call me before she left. I called her grandmothers' house a few days ago (she used to live with her grandmother) because I hadn't heard anything from her for about a week, and she told me that she had gone to Wales about 4 days ago from when I phoned. I had heard nothing, she knows my mobile number and my house phone number but I hadn't heard from her at all, not even a text message.

 

All of this has happened all at once and I don't really know the reason why. I'm not a bad person. I try my best to make the effort. I understand that because I'm in a relationship I've had to spend less time with them but I don't understand why they have never even called. On the rare occasions that they've invited me on nights out the majority of the time I have been in work. (I work as a cleaner part time from 6pm-10pm). So it isn't like I'm cancelling on them because I can't be bothered or for some other reason that implies I don't want to be their friends.

 

This whole thing is really upsetting and painful for me. I cried for most of yesterday and today and as I type this I am once again in tears. I basically feel more alone than ever. What makes this worse is that me and my boyfriend are going through some troubles at the moment and we are currently 'on a break.' If I'm being even more honest I don't believe that we can survive the break and we will probably end up splitting up. This will mean I am completely alone. I just feel like I have nobody at all to turn to. And the sad thing is, this is true. I have my family but there's only so much you can do with your family. You need friends as well and at the moment it doesn't feel like I have any.

 

I do have some friends from university that I started being friends with in october last year but because I've only started getting to know them I'm not that close to them yet. Also none of them live near me, they are all from different parts of the country so I wouldn't be able to see them again or go out with them until university starts again in september/october.

 

All in all, I just do not understand at all what I have done wrong. Even if I have done anything wrong nobody has mentioned anything about it to me. This is so difficult for me because all the way through school and college I had many close friends and I've never been in a situation like this before. I am starting to wonder if it is just something about me that people generally don't like, and maybe I am physically unable to keep my friends, for what ever reason. I just don't know anymore.

 

Any advice would be appreciated, because I just genuinely don't have a clue what to do, and I am so lonely I just need somebody to talk to.

[oh_what_am_I_doing]

*Hug*

 

When my ex and I broke up (all like, three times) I went crying home to mamma and daddy- once even two weekends in a row! (and I was 27 at the time!) There's nothing wrong with relying on your family if your friends are being flakish.

 

I met one of my closest friends online. It sounds like you live in the UK, so I don't know if this website would apply to you or not, but check out meetup.com. Just about any kind of activity you can think of is on there, and they're always accepting new members Also, there might be some yahoo groups in your area to join. (I suck at meeting people in real life- if the internet wasn't around, I would have no friends and no fiance!)

 

You might want to consider getting a new job too. Many of my fiance's closest friends are from work. A new job would mean new faces and new friends! Yes, this will take time and in the meantime, people on loveshack (as well as your family) can fill the void.

[stillafool]

I'm so sorry for you. I have news for you, none of those girls were your friend. It sounds more like you were trying to fit in with them. Let them go and don't look back. There are lots of places to meet people. Church youth groups have friendly people. Volunteer to do something where you can meet people. Also I've found in life that it is much better to have one or two good friends than to hang out with groups and clicks. It just seems these are a bunch of gossipy females which I hate.