amber1 Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 Hi, I'm new. *waves* Anyway here is my situation (and its the short version): I met a guy though online dating and all he ever does is text me. He has only called me one time (regardless of me asking him to) and that was when I didn't answer one of his texts. We went out one time and had a nice date but that was last week. He asked me out (through text) earlier this week but asked very late in the day for a date that would be the same night. I suggested meeting another night this week and he said okay. Tonight we were actually going to have a date. I asked him to call me when he got off work but he didn't. I waited for a couple of hours and then made other plans. He finally called around 7 pm but he gets off work around 5 pm. I didn't answer my phone because I was busy. Around 8 pm he texted me and said that he had called earlier (duh). Anyway, here is what I am basically upset about: All he does to communicate is text, he doesn't call even though I ask him to, and he asks me to do things very last minute. He honestly seems like a nice guy but I want to be treated better than this! So should I let him go or should I text or call him back saying that since I hadn't heard from him I went ahead and made other plans before he called? I know I should probably leave him alone but just wanted to see what you guys have to say. Thanks!
Nanachu Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 some people don't like to call, they want to communicate via text. this may be nothing to do with his feeling to you. or, you two met via online, this means that he is seeing other people as well and is not that into you, at least not yet. thus, he is not doing beyond and above thing to see you. you do not know yet. he has a cell phone, he has 1 minute to make a phone call, and he has fingers to push the button on the cell phone. if he wants to call, he will call. telling him to call you does not help, rather simply make him not want to call you. even though he does start to call you, will you be happy knowing he is doing it with kinda obligated feeling. leave him alone for now and see how he changes if you feel this is something to do with his feeling not developing yet to you and you see some future. if this is simply his tendency and you really do not like being with a guy who likes to text only. move on to next guys. there are tons in online and easy to find dates. good luck.
oh_what_am_I_doing Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 Well I guess it depends how old you are because texting for young people is very common. My fiance's sister is 23 or 24 and she texts about 100 texts a day I think! That's apparently just who this guy is! Now if it were me, I'd tell him, "Don't text me because it costs me 15 additional cents! Calling me is free. Or at least email me if you want to avoid personal contact. Emailing is free!" But then again, if I said that, he might not give me a second date because I am such a cheap @ss. But IMO, you've only went on one date with this guy, so you need to chill. You can't tell him to call you and then not answer when he does call. You said to call when he got off work... he called two hours later. To most guys, that is the same thing. They wouldn't bat an eyelash at calling two hours after getting off work. With traffic, possibly taking a shower after work and maybe grabbing a snack and watching the news- there passed the two hours and he called! And then you ignored him. Actually once I told my ex to call me when he got off the plane, and he was off the plane about an hour before he called! I was so pissed so I know how you feel, but I think my situation was a little bit different. We dated for several years- you've only went out with this guy once. One more thing- many people (me included) do NOT like to talk on the phone with people they don't know very well. Talking on the phone to nearly-strangers (and that's what the two of you are) is very weird. He may not feel comfortable with it, and I wish you wouldn't punish him for that. I prefer emailing in the beginning stages of my relationship if I met the guy online. I've met two guys online that lasted for long amounts of time- my ex I spoke of above (4 years), and my fiance. Both times I emailed (for about a month) way more than telephone contact. My hunch is, though, that your guy will come around and start to feel more comfortable with the telephone if you give him time. That is, unless he's one of these mega-texters like my fiance's sister. In that case, I'd dump him. He'll cost you too much money in the long run!
Author amber1 Posted August 9, 2007 Author Posted August 9, 2007 Thank you for the replies. I think he might be a mega texter. He has a ton of friends (both guys and girls) so I bet he receives and sends tons of texts a day. He is in that age range. Strangely though, even guys who I have texted back and forth in the past have never asked me out on our first date through texting, at least not that I can remember. Anyway, I went ahead and yes, texted him back today. I know that might reinforce his bad texting behavior but I don't want to call him at work. So I just told him that I saw that he called but I thought he would have called earlier than he had and when he didn't I made other plans. I actually did make other plans, so I wasn't lying. I know that texting is convenient for people and it is for me too, but shouldn't be used for certain things like asking a girl/guy out for the first time, breaking up with someone, telling someone you love them for the first time, etc.
Trialbyfire Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 The easiest way to offset a serial texter is to text them saying: call me.
shadowplay Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 this is ridiculous...don't judge him on whether he texts or calls. judge him on his behavior when you actually go on a date. if you like him you'll give him more of a chance than this.
Author amber1 Posted August 10, 2007 Author Posted August 10, 2007 this is ridiculous...don't judge him on whether he texts or calls. judge him on his behavior when you actually go on a date. if you like him you'll give him more of a chance than this. Well I actually do like him...I tried to call him earlier today and he didn't answer or call me back. I think he is mad at me. I'll give him another chance.
KingCrimson Posted August 11, 2007 Posted August 11, 2007 I met a girl like this once, oddly via online dating (craigslist). we hit it off in e-mails. I ask for her number, and when she gives it, she says "but I never answer it". I'm like, "wtf?". So I call her one time. No pickup - what a surprise. She texts me back saying basically she's shy and awkward on the phone. so for the next 3 dates, I was forced to initiate contact and set the up via text. In order for me to actually call her and talk to her to plan out complex details, I'd have to text her saying "hey, I'm going to call you. pick up?" eventually I got fed up with this and started giving more and more sarcastic, mean replies and making fun of her. and I HATE texting. it's too much work. so do what I did: Don't ignore or reply. Give an ultimatum, but in a joking manner. "Oh. You want to hang out. Maybe, but first you need to learn to pick up the damn phone of yours. Or better yet, grow some balls (no sex change, plz!) and call me " or "Hey, answer my call next time. I'm sure the other guy you're dating won't mind. Because next time the woman I'm with won't mind either ;)" Oh, and the smiley face is key, so she knows you aren't really being an *******.
Author amber1 Posted August 11, 2007 Author Posted August 11, 2007 Well I even apologized to him about the whole thing the other night, but I sent the message through myspace. I did this because I had called him once already that day and didn't want to call him again and look like a desperate idiot. So as it stands, I texted him, called him leaving a voicemail, and emailed him on myspace. Ugh, well anyway, at least I apologized. I guess there is nothing else I can do about this. Am I right? He hasn't contacted me. How long would a guy stay mad about something this silly? He probably thinks I'm a bitch, but the truth is I'm not at all. This sucks.... KingCrimson, see, you are normal and want to call a girl. I just don't get how some people expect to get to know someone better through texting only. It's so much easier to just ask someone questions instead of typing a message, send it, and wait for the answer if they even reply (which might be hours or days later). You're right, it's so much work! I think the girl that you met was a weirdo because usually women (myself included) would rather a guy call them, especially in the beginning. It's the phase when you are getting to know someone and just texting is just too impersonal. Plus, when a guy calls it makes a girl feel good.
Author amber1 Posted August 13, 2007 Author Posted August 13, 2007 Okay the guy hasn't contacted me at all. Should I just give up?
Mezzi Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 Ive been in this position before and know a couple of people who have and the general opinion is that men who prefer texting to calling are no-nos. It shows that they may be cheap, may have trouble expressing their feelings and may not be all that interested in you.
BlueEyedSarah Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 Hi, I'm new. *waves* Anyway here is my situation (and its the short version): I met a guy though online dating and all he ever does is text me. He has only called me one time (regardless of me asking him to) and that was when I didn't answer one of his texts. We went out one time and had a nice date but that was last week. He asked me out (through text) earlier this week but asked very late in the day for a date that would be the same night. I suggested meeting another night this week and he said okay. Tonight we were actually going to have a date. I asked him to call me when he got off work but he didn't. I waited for a couple of hours and then made other plans. He finally called around 7 pm but he gets off work around 5 pm. I didn't answer my phone because I was busy. Around 8 pm he texted me and said that he had called earlier (duh). Anyway, here is what I am basically upset about: All he does to communicate is text, he doesn't call even though I ask him to, and he asks me to do things very last minute. He honestly seems like a nice guy but I want to be treated better than this! So should I let him go or should I text or call him back saying that since I hadn't heard from him I went ahead and made other plans before he called? I know I should probably leave him alone but just wanted to see what you guys have to say. Thanks! Sounds like he is shy to talk to you on the phone. I think you should ask this guy whats up. Why does he not pick up the phone when you call and not call you.
Author amber1 Posted August 13, 2007 Author Posted August 13, 2007 Well now I'm just thinking maybe I should give up on him. I was contemplating calling the guy up tonight just to get us talking again, but then I realized that I would be chasing him (which may be a big turn off for him). I guess there is not much else I can do with this situation. I have already apologized. He didn't contact me after I did that, not yet anyway. I called him last and he hasn't called me back. The ball is in HIS court. If I do anything else I will end up looking like a fool. So I guess I'll just leave it where it is. If he wants to talk he knows how to get in touch with me. Thanks for the advice, everyone!
LoveLace Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 The guy deserves another chance. But if only you can figure out a nice way to let him know how you feel. Maybe say something like, "I really have fun when we get together, but to be honest it's better for me to have plans made at least a day or 2 in advance"...addressing the last-minute date issue. And perhaps all the texting is how he's most comfortable; but still, if it somehow bothers you, that doesn't mean you have to just deal. In casual conversation maybe you could just ask him, is there a reason you prefer texting over calling?...Me personally, prefers calling, but texting is ok too... If you wanted to lie you could say that you are dropping the texting feature from your cell phone plan because it got too expensive, (then he'd have no choice but to call!) but if someone texts you while your together, you'd be busted.
Author amber1 Posted August 13, 2007 Author Posted August 13, 2007 See, I would love to give him another chance, but I don't want to look like an idiot by calling/messaging him too much. Do you think I should still call him tonight or is that a bad idea?
LoveLace Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 ..maybe wait until tomorrow or the next day to see if he calls, and if he doesn't then you probably should. He might think you were trying to ditch him or didn't like him anymore. It seems like he might be a bit shy, is he shy? In that case he might be especially hesitant to contact you after what happened with the date.
Kamille Posted August 13, 2007 Posted August 13, 2007 I have to agree with you that you should just forget about this guy. I think you blew it when you apologized about making other plans. Apologizing might have made him perceive you as inconsistent. Not only do you ditch him one night (for legitimate reasons), you also go ahead and feel guilty about it. Next time you make a decision like that, don't doubt it immediately after. You say yourself you want to date a man who will call you and who can ask you out in ahead of time. This man couldn't offer you that. This is all for the best.
Author amber1 Posted August 14, 2007 Author Posted August 14, 2007 Thanks guys. As of right now I am not going to contact him. I guess he got mad and decided to ignore me. I tried to fix it but he isn't responding. Oh well.
shockandawed Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 Amber, I agree, you did nothing wrong with making other plans. If he said he would call you after work, why did it take him two hours? Why waste an evening waiting when he hasn't followed through. If he is mad and pouting, let him. It clearly shows he is too immature for you. Texting is a nice way to get a quick message or a simple "thinking of you" thought, but it is no way to be communicating plans, especially this early. I would suggest moving along to someone who is a little more sure of themselves and respectful of you.
maynard Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 Ive been in this position before and know a couple of people who have and the general opinion is that men who prefer texting to calling are no-nos. It shows that they may be cheap, may have trouble expressing their feelings and may not be all that interested in you.no way. i love texting and simply dont like to chat on the phone for hours on end. texting is a great ice breaker and a good way for people to stay in contact with each other throughout the day. 20 texts during the day can build intimacy better than a once a day phone call plus, you can contact the person anytime and they can respond when they have time or if they choose if a guy is a flake, a jerk or cant express his feelings, has no bearing on whether he prefers phone calls or texting. my read on this situation is that this guy is trying to keep his options open with the original poster
LoveLace Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 Amber, I agree, you did nothing wrong with making other plans. If he said he would call you after work, why did it take him two hours? Why waste an evening waiting when he hasn't followed through. If he is mad and pouting, let him. It clearly shows he is too immature for you. Texting is a nice way to get a quick message or a simple "thinking of you" thought, but it is no way to be communicating plans, especially this early. I would suggest moving along to someone who is a little more sure of themselves and respectful of you. I couldn't agree more. Texting is ok but it really shouldn't be the main way to communicate with someone you are dating. It would feel too impersonal, if it were me. And you were right in making other plans because a guy shouldn't expect you to wait around for him to be ready for you. If he begs for reconciliation tell him No way without actual phone calls and making plans a little more in advance. I wouldn't think that's too much to ask for?
Author amber1 Posted August 16, 2007 Author Posted August 16, 2007 Well, I didn't hear anything from him in a week so I figure he was a one shot and you're gone type of guy or he just wasn't that interested. I doubt I'll hear from him anytime soon. To maynard, I definitely don't have any problems with texting or I wouldn't have the option on my phone. I also don't have to have long drawn out conversations over the phone, but at least one phone call while we are dating would be nice. He was sticking only to texting and only called after I asked him to a couple of times. I don't think asking someone out for the first date by text is acceptable. It doesn't show me like he really wants to pursue anything with me much at all and like he doesn't want to put much effort into it. Anyway, the guy had told me that he hasn't had a gf in awhile and now I think I know why, he's too much of a jerk. He's the one that acted rude to me by waiting so long to call and now it's he's treating me like I am the bad one.
maynard Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 Well, I didn't hear anything from him in a week so I figure he was a one shot and you're gone type of guy or he just wasn't that interested. I doubt I'll hear from him anytime soon. To maynard, I definitely don't have any problems with texting or I wouldn't have the option on my phone. I also don't have to have long drawn out conversations over the phone, but at least one phone call while we are dating would be nice. He was sticking only to texting and only called after I asked him to a couple of times. I don't think asking someone out for the first date by text is acceptable. It doesn't show me like he really wants to pursue anything with me much at all and like he doesn't want to put much effort into it. Anyway, the guy had told me that he hasn't had a gf in awhile and now I think I know why, he's too much of a jerk. He's the one that acted rude to me by waiting so long to call and now it's he's treating me like I am the bad one.i agree that this guy isnt worth your time and wasnt showing the right amount of interest. i just didnt like some of the blanket statements i was reading on guys who prefer texting. if it is an actual date, i would say that a phone call is appropriate. in more casual things, like a guy inviting out with a group of people you may know, text is great. there's no pressure or rejection part of my attitude on phone call and texting is on my experience with a girl im seeing now.
Kamille Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 Oh my god! I just reread my post to you and I want to apologize because it sounds really rude. But anyways, what I wanted to express is pretty much the conclusion to which you came yourself: You have the right to want to treated with respect and consideration and therefore you needn't apologize for behaving accordingly. I would avoid reading into his intentions though. You don't know for sure that he is treating you like you are the bad one, or even that he is mad at you. Maybe he realized he couldn't live up to your very legitimate expectations and withdrew himself from the competition - knowing that in the end, you would break up with him. Head held high Amber. You established your boundaries and next time you come across this guy, you have nothing to be ashamed of.
Author amber1 Posted August 25, 2007 Author Posted August 25, 2007 Okay I know I am bringing this thread back, but for some reason this guy keeps crossing my mind. It's been about 2 weeks since we last spoke. We both are still on the dating site but my subscription ends in 2 days. I'm not sure if I should let this whole thing go or if maybe I should shoot him a short email to say hi or "wink" at him on the site. Should I do something like this or just let fate take it's course? It is almost like he and I had potential but it got messed up.
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